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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To message her..

243 replies

TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 15:41

I've almost decided I'm going to do this, but I need some support to know I'm doing the right thing.

Two years ago, a friend of mine (quite obviously not anymore) was arrested for child sex offences. Talking to a 13 year old boy online and arranging to meet. Sending sexual images etc. Anyway, he got found out, suspended sentence, sex offenders register for 15 years, broke up with his wife, lost contact with his kids.

He has made a false Facebook profile with a different first name and last name spelt backwards, and is now in a new relationship. He's been really cocky posting things online, as if he has no care in the world.

The new woman has a 12 year old son, and it genuinely knocked the wind out of my sails looking at him, and thinking that's almost the age of the boy he abused.

There's every chance she doesn't know. There was an article in the press, but it came and went, and unless she thought to Google him, she would probably never find out, as she's not local (I'm sure this was intentional).

So.

Should I send her the link to the article?

I really want to protect her and her son. I'm also really scared of backlash as there's been a lot of hate from his family that we haven't stuck by him. But there's no way I'm remaining friends and supporting this man.

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by telling her?

OP posts:
ScarlettSarah · 25/02/2026 16:35

Claire's Law is for domestic violence.

It's Sarah's Law that is relevant here.

Don't message her, OP. But definitely report this through the official channels. Contact the police and say you are aware of a child sex offender who appears to now be in close contact with a child. You can do this at your local police station or via 101.

LeapyearLoser · 25/02/2026 16:32

Yes inform Police, CSC, NSPCC too

BlimeyOReillyO · 25/02/2026 16:31

Yes and well done for doing this.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 25/02/2026 16:30

Contact police on 101 or online
Ask to speak to the team dealing with VISOR subjects
Ask if you can request a Claire's Law disclosure to be given to the new partner

Good luck and thank you for looking out for this woman and her son.

Stompythedinosaur · 25/02/2026 16:30

Of course you should tell her! You can also report it to his probation officer.

simpledeer · 25/02/2026 16:29

Absolutely do it.

FreeWheezin · 25/02/2026 16:28

Tell the police. He will be on the sex offenders register. They can visit, tell the woman, and ensure no harm comes to the child.

hellotojason · 25/02/2026 16:24

You can tell her but more importantly you should be letting the relevant children social care MASH team so they can do any relevant assessments to ensure the young boys safety. Sadly he may well have groomed her already and so she may not be in a position to safeguard her son. If you Google the area they live in and MASH you will find the number and you can report this anonymously so he won't be aware it was you.

wishingonastar101 · 25/02/2026 16:23

Tell her and tell the police.

Original poster
TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 16:21

Iamdefinitelynamechangingforthis · 25/02/2026 15:50

Safeguarding Lead here. I’d actually go further and tell the police. If he’s on the S.O.R. there may be restrictions on him - e.g. social media use, contact with under 18s / vulnerable young adults. As he’s using a variation of his name instead of his real one I would think this is the case. The police would then contact his probation officer if he still has one and / or make a decision on how to move forward with this.

Thank you everyone, and thank you particularly for this because I hadn't thought of it. I need to be brave and do this for all the people who've been let down by people who've stayed silent.

Thank you so much everyone x

OP posts:
AfternoonTeaAddict · 25/02/2026 16:19

UninitendedShark · 25/02/2026 15:43

I’d go as far as contacting the police as I would assume it’s part of his bail conditions to stay away from children.

This 100%

Brightlittlecanary · 25/02/2026 16:18

Usually I say stay out of it. But in this scenario don’t hesitate, however I would make a fake profile and do it anonymously

DonewhatIcando · 25/02/2026 16:18

Yep, I'd would, I wouldn't hesitate.
Are you planning on doing it via social media, if so I'd try to create a new account so he and his family don't connect the dots.
Or could you contact the police and express your concerns, if hes on the sex offenders register im sure (hopefully) they would take it seriously and warn her, that would take you out of the frame

CitizenofMoronia · 25/02/2026 16:11

I wouldnt bother telling her she may not belive you, he will be on the sex offenders register, inform police what you know, in not sure if Clares law would cover this?

* its Sarahs law*

Lmnop22 · 25/02/2026 16:11

Yes tell her. Do it anonymously if possible and link an article which is irrefutable so she can’t convince herself (or he can’t convince her) you’re some jealous crazy ex or something

exhaustedandoverit · 25/02/2026 16:10

In her shoes I’d rather it come from the police. He may try to gaslight her into believing it was someone with a grudge if he’s controlling. Plus the police will be able to signpost support for her to keep him away.
YANBU at all to report this

Goditsmemargaret · 25/02/2026 16:09

You must alert her.

pinkyredrose · 25/02/2026 16:08

Definitely tell her!

WinterSunglasses · 25/02/2026 16:07

Do it, anonymously. Set up a Protonmail account and send it. She should know.

Swiftie1878 · 25/02/2026 16:05

PPs have nailed it.
Contact her AND the police.

shellyleppard · 25/02/2026 16:02

I would tell her and also contact the police and tell them anonymous that he has changed his name etc

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 25/02/2026 16:01

With your concerns about the backlash from his family, I think I'd be inclined to contact the police and ask them to contact her.

Merseymum1980 · 25/02/2026 16:00

UninitendedShark · 25/02/2026 15:43

I’d go as far as contacting the police as I would assume it’s part of his bail conditions to stay away from children.

Id be more inclinded to do this then tell her directly

Dollymylove · 25/02/2026 15:57

Police definitely. Would there be likely to be any backlash against you if he knew you had reported him? Could you do it anonymously? Just be mindful of your own safety

FMc208 · 25/02/2026 15:57

I’m sure Claire’s law will only disclose domestic abuse, not child offences. That’s Sarah’s law as far as i can remember?