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AIBU?

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Original poster

To message her..

243 replies

TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 15:41

I've almost decided I'm going to do this, but I need some support to know I'm doing the right thing.

Two years ago, a friend of mine (quite obviously not anymore) was arrested for child sex offences. Talking to a 13 year old boy online and arranging to meet. Sending sexual images etc. Anyway, he got found out, suspended sentence, sex offenders register for 15 years, broke up with his wife, lost contact with his kids.

He has made a false Facebook profile with a different first name and last name spelt backwards, and is now in a new relationship. He's been really cocky posting things online, as if he has no care in the world.

The new woman has a 12 year old son, and it genuinely knocked the wind out of my sails looking at him, and thinking that's almost the age of the boy he abused.

There's every chance she doesn't know. There was an article in the press, but it came and went, and unless she thought to Google him, she would probably never find out, as she's not local (I'm sure this was intentional).

So.

Should I send her the link to the article?

I really want to protect her and her son. I'm also really scared of backlash as there's been a lot of hate from his family that we haven't stuck by him. But there's no way I'm remaining friends and supporting this man.

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by telling her?

OP posts:
FloofBunny · 25/02/2026 18:01

Oh, you absolutely HAVE to protect the boy by sending that link. Do it anonymously if you have to, but protect that boy. I don't think it's a coincidence that's he's struck up a relationship with a woman who has a 12-year-old son. The child comes first, so tell her.

YouAreTheCauseOfMyHeadache · 25/02/2026 17:56

GlitterGirl800 · 25/02/2026 17:31

Please contact the police immediately- registered sex offenders are subject to a number of conditions including registered aliases and notification of intimate relationships. This male will have a Police Risk Assessor and Probation Officer responsible for his management. If he is using an unregistered name on facebook this needs to be captured evidentially. Telling you friend may result in the account being detected and evidence being lost.

However, child safeguarding is what should take priority here - the police will address this along with a social worker so please do not delay making contact with professionals who will make the appropriate disclosures tp mum under MAPPA guidance.

I urge you to contact the police immediately - creating anonymous email addresses or sending links only undermines the job of very experienced professionals who will manage this situation with the skills and experience required.

You sound like a wonderful friend x

This.

category12 · 25/02/2026 17:54

Do it. Protect that boy

SweetnsourNZ · 25/02/2026 17:50

UninitendedShark · 25/02/2026 15:43

I’d go as far as contacting the police as I would assume it’s part of his bail conditions to stay away from children.

This. Even if it's not part of bail conditions a community constable may pay her a visit and tell her. They won't have to bring your name into it which will be another advantage.
If you message her he may make up a cover story like your a jealous ex or something. Unfortunately these men are very sly like that.

giallo · 25/02/2026 17:42

UninitendedShark · 25/02/2026 15:43

I’d go as far as contacting the police as I would assume it’s part of his bail conditions to stay away from children.

I agree and also social services.

värskekapsas · 25/02/2026 17:40

yes do it!

Forgotthebins · 25/02/2026 17:40

Message her. He is almost certainly with her to groom her son. The match of age with his previous victim is too close to be coincidence.

SharyBobbins · 25/02/2026 17:39

LeapyearLoser · 25/02/2026 16:32

Yes inform Police, CSC, NSPCC too

Absolutely this!

emmetgirl · 25/02/2026 17:39

UninitendedShark · 25/02/2026 15:43

I’d go as far as contacting the police as I would assume it’s part of his bail conditions to stay away from children.

THIS

WaltzingWaters · 25/02/2026 17:38

You’d be really unreasonable not to tell both her and the police. Good job for stepping up.

Wingingit73 · 25/02/2026 17:34

Yes

GlitterGirl800 · 25/02/2026 17:31

Please contact the police immediately- registered sex offenders are subject to a number of conditions including registered aliases and notification of intimate relationships. This male will have a Police Risk Assessor and Probation Officer responsible for his management. If he is using an unregistered name on facebook this needs to be captured evidentially. Telling you friend may result in the account being detected and evidence being lost.

However, child safeguarding is what should take priority here - the police will address this along with a social worker so please do not delay making contact with professionals who will make the appropriate disclosures tp mum under MAPPA guidance.

I urge you to contact the police immediately - creating anonymous email addresses or sending links only undermines the job of very experienced professionals who will manage this situation with the skills and experience required.

You sound like a wonderful friend x

Twooclockrock · 25/02/2026 17:22

I think I would also protrct myself and somehow get the message to her. Potentially the police might be a good place to start.
She might not believe you as a person, he could tell her all sorts of lies and be cooercing her, and you don't know what sort of person she is. She could also be an abuser for all you know. Unlikely but not impossible.
Therefore the police seems like a sensible place to start.

RobinEllacotStrike · 25/02/2026 17:21

He's on sex offenders register so please also tell the police

RobinEllacotStrike · 25/02/2026 17:21

I speak as someone who's mother was groomed by a paedophile so he could access young boys - you MUST tell her & quickly.

stayathomegardener · 25/02/2026 17:20

Tableforjoan · 25/02/2026 16:38

I wouldn’t tell her. I’d inform social services and the police. Both will be able to assist her without risking yourself.

This!
If you contact her first it risks driving him underground.

NigellaWannabe1 · 25/02/2026 17:18

Please tell her but with evidence. If she loves him she might not want to believe you. Perhaps you could send him a link to the article or police files (if public) so she can do some more digging herself?

WaIIy · 25/02/2026 17:15

@TheDenimPoetCan you find his court case online so you can message her with evidence?

NoisyViewer · 25/02/2026 17:14

Could you not inform the police, a charity or social services anonymously. She needs to be told.

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 25/02/2026 17:12

Please do it immediately.

Bonkers1966 · 25/02/2026 17:11

Claire's law. Jeez

Owenspannas · 25/02/2026 17:11

Report it to the police. They’ll have his address details if he’s on the SOR.

Tbthyhdvscb · 25/02/2026 17:08

Yes! Agree with everyone else - I would take the police route. What an absolute scum bag your ex friend is.

Sassylovesbooks · 25/02/2026 17:07

I would contact the police. Screenshot the profile and tell them his full name, and say he's in a new relationship with a woman who has a son. I agree with others, in cases like this I would say he is banned from being anywhere near children and may need to notify the police if he starts a new relationship, as part of his bail conditions. The ball is then in the police's court and stops you from receiving any backlash.

QuaintMauveCrow · 25/02/2026 17:05

Yes absolutely! And the police as previous posters have said! 💛