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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To message her..

243 replies

TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 15:41

I've almost decided I'm going to do this, but I need some support to know I'm doing the right thing.

Two years ago, a friend of mine (quite obviously not anymore) was arrested for child sex offences. Talking to a 13 year old boy online and arranging to meet. Sending sexual images etc. Anyway, he got found out, suspended sentence, sex offenders register for 15 years, broke up with his wife, lost contact with his kids.

He has made a false Facebook profile with a different first name and last name spelt backwards, and is now in a new relationship. He's been really cocky posting things online, as if he has no care in the world.

The new woman has a 12 year old son, and it genuinely knocked the wind out of my sails looking at him, and thinking that's almost the age of the boy he abused.

There's every chance she doesn't know. There was an article in the press, but it came and went, and unless she thought to Google him, she would probably never find out, as she's not local (I'm sure this was intentional).

So.

Should I send her the link to the article?

I really want to protect her and her son. I'm also really scared of backlash as there's been a lot of hate from his family that we haven't stuck by him. But there's no way I'm remaining friends and supporting this man.

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by telling her?

OP posts:
LemonLass · 25/02/2026 19:01

Protect the child. Do it.

You are an adult.

She may know but she probably doesn't. Hopefully she does a Claire's Law search as a result.

GreySkiesAndBirds · 25/02/2026 19:00

you are so very brave, and you are definitely doing the right thing

RobinEllacotStrike · 25/02/2026 19:00

well done @TheDenimPoet
the paedophile that targeted my family was interested in boys - he didn't assault my brother, but he did assault my brothers friends.

Original poster
TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 18:57

Hi again everyone, thanks again for your advice. I have sent her a message, with some information, along with a link to the article that was published on the day of sentencing. I have also been in contact with our local police station to ask what they suggest I do. They sounded quite busy and were a little bit blunt, but they said I should go in tomorrow for a chat and to log my concerns, and they'll see if a) he's breaking any of his conditions and b) if anyone could be at risk. The officer on the phone said the answer is probably yes to both, so it will be dealt with, and I was also assured that it would be anonymous.

I'll post back tomorrow and let you know how it goes with the police, or if I've had any reply from the message x

OP posts:
Birdsongsinging · 25/02/2026 18:52

LauraC1984 · 25/02/2026 15:44

I would report it to the police and send them the details of his profile. They can safeguard her and her child and prosecute him if he’s broken his conditions. It will also save you from getting any backlash!

This. If he is on the sex offenders register he would need to declare any new relationships.

winter8090 · 25/02/2026 18:52

UninitendedShark · 25/02/2026 15:43

I’d go as far as contacting the police as I would assume it’s part of his bail conditions to stay away from children.

Yes I think this is a good idea. Report your concerns to the police (which are wholly valid) and hopefully they will deal with it.

if you do tell her make sure and do it anonymously as you don’t want any backlash from him. You don’t need that.

Happyjoe · 25/02/2026 18:48

100% yes. It's well known for sexual predators to befriend women with children for access to the child. So a million times yes. Tell her, the police too.

CinnamonBuns67 · 25/02/2026 18:34

Yes I would and if she didn't believe it/didn't break up with him immediately I'd ring social services and let them know shes with a known sex offender knowingly. I'd ring the police too.

JTRSOP · 25/02/2026 18:34

adlitem · 25/02/2026 15:42

I would. That might be unfair, but the potential damage to her son would outweigh that for me.

How that would be unfair? She absolutely MUST be told.

Twobigbabies · 25/02/2026 18:31

I would inform the local social services- Google child safeguarding team in X borough (the borough where she lives). There will be a hotline for reporting- you can do this anonymously. Failing that then the police. If you just message her he could tell her you're a crazy ex or spin any story. It's common for sex offenders to groom the parents and form relationships with them unfortunately.

watermybegonias · 25/02/2026 18:31

Please let us know what the police say.

BestieBunch · 25/02/2026 18:28

Sex offenders aren’t allowed to use Facebook (Facebook rule), so you can report the account too.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/02/2026 18:23

exhaustedandoverit · 25/02/2026 16:10

In her shoes I’d rather it come from the police. He may try to gaslight her into believing it was someone with a grudge if he’s controlling. Plus the police will be able to signpost support for her to keep him away.
YANBU at all to report this

This

I also agree with a PP that using an altered name suggests he's acting against conditions imposed, and would hope that's something else the police will want to know about

JoWilkinsonsno1fan · 25/02/2026 18:18

I would contact the police and call the MASH in your local authority- so they can urgently safeguard the child.

beeff · 25/02/2026 18:12

as a CSA survivor you are absolutely doing the right thing, you are brave and we need more people like you 🩷

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/02/2026 18:11

Dollymylove · 25/02/2026 15:57

Police definitely. Would there be likely to be any backlash against you if he knew you had reported him? Could you do it anonymously? Just be mindful of your own safety

Yes report it to the Police

MaggieBsBoat · 25/02/2026 18:09

just thought I’d point out that this is the first time I’ve seen mumsnet (since the dawn of polling on AIBU) to have a clear 100% vote for YANBU.

Get to the police OP. Well done.

BauhausOfEliott · 25/02/2026 18:09

Rather than going straight to the woman in question, I think you need to go to the police and let them handle this.

I think it's exceptionally unlikely, if not completely impossible, that he isn't breaching conditions of being on the Sex Offenders Register by striking up a relationship with a woman who has a child. (I suspect he's also breaching conditions simply by having a social media profile, and certainly one with a false name.)

Confused19831983 · 25/02/2026 18:08

It is highly likely he is subject to a Sex Offenders Prevention Order and it is illegal for him to have unsupervised contact with children.
To take the pressure off you I would contact the police about this, and then follow up to make sure they have checked the mother is aware.
He could go back to jail for this.

GoodBones85 · 25/02/2026 18:08

In my day job I work with people who commit these kinds of offences. I would report to the Police as soon as you can.

Abd80 · 25/02/2026 18:07

100% contact her (could do this anonymously if you’re concerned for your own safety )
and the police (not anonymously) immediately
you are protecting her and her son

TwistedWonder · 25/02/2026 18:03

Absolutely yes. I would definitely want to know if it were me

I agree with reporting to police. He may be breaking his licence conditions and will be hdrd back to jail

FloofBunny · 25/02/2026 18:02

GlitterGirl800 · 25/02/2026 17:31

Please contact the police immediately- registered sex offenders are subject to a number of conditions including registered aliases and notification of intimate relationships. This male will have a Police Risk Assessor and Probation Officer responsible for his management. If he is using an unregistered name on facebook this needs to be captured evidentially. Telling you friend may result in the account being detected and evidence being lost.

However, child safeguarding is what should take priority here - the police will address this along with a social worker so please do not delay making contact with professionals who will make the appropriate disclosures tp mum under MAPPA guidance.

I urge you to contact the police immediately - creating anonymous email addresses or sending links only undermines the job of very experienced professionals who will manage this situation with the skills and experience required.

You sound like a wonderful friend x

This too!

Pancakesbythedozen · 25/02/2026 18:02

Ask the police for advice.. Or you will be labelled the crazy ex making up stories... Not sure if changing his name has to be approved by the courts if he is on the SOR...
..

momtoboys · 25/02/2026 18:01

My DH is in law enforcement and I asked him his opinion. He thinks you should take this directly to the Guard and also send her a link.