Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To message her..

243 replies

TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 15:41

I've almost decided I'm going to do this, but I need some support to know I'm doing the right thing.

Two years ago, a friend of mine (quite obviously not anymore) was arrested for child sex offences. Talking to a 13 year old boy online and arranging to meet. Sending sexual images etc. Anyway, he got found out, suspended sentence, sex offenders register for 15 years, broke up with his wife, lost contact with his kids.

He has made a false Facebook profile with a different first name and last name spelt backwards, and is now in a new relationship. He's been really cocky posting things online, as if he has no care in the world.

The new woman has a 12 year old son, and it genuinely knocked the wind out of my sails looking at him, and thinking that's almost the age of the boy he abused.

There's every chance she doesn't know. There was an article in the press, but it came and went, and unless she thought to Google him, she would probably never find out, as she's not local (I'm sure this was intentional).

So.

Should I send her the link to the article?

I really want to protect her and her son. I'm also really scared of backlash as there's been a lot of hate from his family that we haven't stuck by him. But there's no way I'm remaining friends and supporting this man.

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by telling her?

OP posts:
snowmichael · 26/02/2026 10:10

Absolutely tell her
Then she can decide whether or not to take steps to protect her son
When Graham Pidgeley, a prolific user and distributor of extreme child pornography, started a new relationship, no one warned his new partner
Less than a year later she caught him photographing her six year old daughter in the bath

Imbusytodaysorry · 26/02/2026 09:32

@TheDenimPoet wondering how things are going, and what the police said ?

livingthenotebook · 26/02/2026 07:35

Has she read your message? You are doing the right thing

Anony11 · 26/02/2026 07:22

Contact your local social services/police right away! If you tell the boys mother she may be manipulated by him and do nothing!
He is on the sex register, he should not be having contact with children !

budster08 · 26/02/2026 06:30

I would contact the police or social services. Some women will refuse to believe it and think it's down to jealousy, yes they are that stupid. On the other hand she may be a doting mum who will be mortified that shes let a pervert into her life. Either way you need to contact somebody before it's too late. One phone call could save that child from a lifetime of mental health issues!

SorryNotSorry00 · 26/02/2026 05:33

GreenClock · 25/02/2026 15:47

Create a fake profile if necessary and send a link to the newspaper report of the case.

I’d report anonymously to her local social services also, just in case she’s one of these dopey women who puts cock first and does nothing to protect her child.

Quoting this because it’s exactly what I would do if it was me. Fuck him and his feelings, this child’s wellbeing is more important.

orangemapleleaves · 26/02/2026 03:49

Glad you are going to the police and hopefully that 12 year old boy will be protected as a result. Terrifying.

Francestein · 26/02/2026 01:43

Don’t tell her. Tell the police. Let them know that she has a kid who might be being abused.

Calendulaaria · 26/02/2026 01:15

Definitely message her. She probably doesn't know and her son is in danger.

PretendHedgehog · 26/02/2026 01:14

Lavender14 · 25/02/2026 22:47

Sorry op I missed your updates. I would just say go to social services independently. There are different thresholds for social services than criminal cases involving police. So while he may not be breaching conditions, social services may still want to assess and monitor. My understanding is that if someone is a scheduled offender they would contact her and explain and basically assess her ability to protect.

Show quote history

I agree with this. OP has contacted the lady, and the police, but I really feel social services should be contacted separately too.

I know they can and do work with police but they do have different responsibilities and routes. It very well might get referred by the police but it wouldn't hurt to do it ASAP

PretendHedgehog · 26/02/2026 01:10

ClairDeLaLune · 25/02/2026 22:34

but who on earth are the 1% saying SIBU and why?

Show quote history

Both the people who pressed YABU commented to say they'd done it by accident. This is literally a 100% YANBU, I've never seen that before! X

BrokenWingsCantFly · 26/02/2026 00:36

GreenClock · 25/02/2026 15:47

Create a fake profile if necessary and send a link to the newspaper report of the case.

I’d report anonymously to her local social services also, just in case she’s one of these dopey women who puts cock first and does nothing to protect her child.

All this

janietreemore · 26/02/2026 00:08

Yes you must in this case.

user1492757084 · 26/02/2026 00:06

Hearing it from Police also would help her believe it.

Imbusytodaysorry · 26/02/2026 00:01

@TheDenimPoet make a fake Facebook account and send the link.
also add to do a Claire’s law and do her research on him.

You have to tell her.

justasking111 · 25/02/2026 23:47

UninitendedShark · 25/02/2026 15:43

I’d go as far as contacting the police as I would assume it’s part of his bail conditions to stay away from children.

This is what I would do. He's the same age as my grandson.

sellthebigissue · 25/02/2026 23:32

You are doing the right thing OP x

ColdWeatherWarning · 25/02/2026 23:29

I wouldn't have contacted her directly. Best to let police and other services handle it.

She may confront him (or he sees the message) and he gets violent, or deletes evidence, or leaves her and goes missing, or convinces her you're the problem, or threatens her/the son to deny anything's happening... far too dangerous.

edit: I'm saying this as another CSA survivor. If someone tried to warn my mum her boyfriend was a nonce, she would've angrily dismissed it and worshipped him even harden, and she'd never have believed me if I spoke up. So it would have made things worse.

fashionqueen0123 · 25/02/2026 23:15

TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 23:06

I did, but I wouldn't have a clue how else to make contact. I'm also seeing the police tomorrow so hopefully something will be done.

Show quote history

Yup she may not see it for months. Hopefully the police can tell her about him

Original poster
TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 23:06

ClairDeLaLune · 25/02/2026 22:32

Did you message her using Facebook messenger? If you’re not friends with her on there there’s a high chance she won’t see your message as it doesn’t usually alert you if a stranger messages you. You should maybe try to alert her another way if you can.

Show quote history

I did, but I wouldn't have a clue how else to make contact. I'm also seeing the police tomorrow so hopefully something will be done.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 23:05

somanychristmaslights · 25/02/2026 22:27

Out of interest, how did you find his new profile on Facebook?

He hadn't blocked everyone he knew (he'd certainly tried!) so it was coming up as a suggested friend as he'd added some people we knew who had chosen to stand by him.

OP posts:
wandawaves · 25/02/2026 23:02

Thank you OP.
I am, sadly, another person who wished someone would have advocated for me as a child.

Please also follow up with the police until you are certain they have actioned this; don't let them continue to be 'too busy'.

Lavender14 · 25/02/2026 22:47

TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 22:14

He couldn't, because he pleaded guilty and it was in the paper!

Show quote history

Sorry op I missed your updates. I would just say go to social services independently. There are different thresholds for social services than criminal cases involving police. So while he may not be breaching conditions, social services may still want to assess and monitor. My understanding is that if someone is a scheduled offender they would contact her and explain and basically assess her ability to protect.

WearyAuldWumman · 25/02/2026 22:44

Well done @TheDenimPoet .

Auroraloves · 25/02/2026 22:39

TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 18:57

Hi again everyone, thanks again for your advice. I have sent her a message, with some information, along with a link to the article that was published on the day of sentencing. I have also been in contact with our local police station to ask what they suggest I do. They sounded quite busy and were a little bit blunt, but they said I should go in tomorrow for a chat and to log my concerns, and they'll see if a) he's breaking any of his conditions and b) if anyone could be at risk. The officer on the phone said the answer is probably yes to both, so it will be dealt with, and I was also assured that it would be anonymous.

I'll post back tomorrow and let you know how it goes with the police, or if I've had any reply from the message x

Well done OP. You did the right thing