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AIBU?

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Original poster

To message her..

243 replies

TheDenimPoet · 25/02/2026 15:41

I've almost decided I'm going to do this, but I need some support to know I'm doing the right thing.

Two years ago, a friend of mine (quite obviously not anymore) was arrested for child sex offences. Talking to a 13 year old boy online and arranging to meet. Sending sexual images etc. Anyway, he got found out, suspended sentence, sex offenders register for 15 years, broke up with his wife, lost contact with his kids.

He has made a false Facebook profile with a different first name and last name spelt backwards, and is now in a new relationship. He's been really cocky posting things online, as if he has no care in the world.

The new woman has a 12 year old son, and it genuinely knocked the wind out of my sails looking at him, and thinking that's almost the age of the boy he abused.

There's every chance she doesn't know. There was an article in the press, but it came and went, and unless she thought to Google him, she would probably never find out, as she's not local (I'm sure this was intentional).

So.

Should I send her the link to the article?

I really want to protect her and her son. I'm also really scared of backlash as there's been a lot of hate from his family that we haven't stuck by him. But there's no way I'm remaining friends and supporting this man.

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by telling her?

OP posts:
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Muffinmam · 04/03/2026 15:17

Report him to the police and contact her anonymously - providing evidence.

Many years ago I worked in a law firm and a client was charged with SA of very young girls. He would deliberately date single mothers with young girls.

He abused so many young girls it was uncovered because the girls spoke to each other and reported him to a teacher.

You absolutely need to contact the Police and the mother. I would also contact this kid’s school as well and speak to the Principal. He shouldn’t be near any child.

Iamdefinitelynamechangingforthis · 27/02/2026 15:01

Just wanted to check back in and let you know that you’re doing the right thing. Going in to give a statement must have been nerve wracking but the police have confirmed he’s breached his conditions so hopefully they will make him serve out the term inside.

Good for you.

taxcon · 27/02/2026 11:23

I wouldn't tell her directly as you don't know how safe that will be for her, but I would contact the police/probation and inform them and SS

EleanorRavenclaw · 27/02/2026 10:58

He has brazenly flouted the conditions of his suspended sentence. The conditions are there for every good reason. There aren’t the resources in the police or probation service to keep tabs on people. I think you’ve done the right thing OP.

Smile2025 · 26/02/2026 23:45

FloofBunny · 25/02/2026 21:53

Jesus. Was there anything off about him that you can see with the benefit of that most illuminating of things - i.e. hindsight?

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No, I absolutely had no idea other than possibly that be was gay.

Anony11 · 26/02/2026 17:02

x2boys · 26/02/2026 13:23

Well now you have told the police they can do a safeguarding referral to social services thats the best way to go.

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Given that she hasn't responded is cause for concern. Anyone put in that position would get all the info they can. There must be ways the safeguarding team can track her surely!

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 26/02/2026 16:56

jojogwangwan · 26/02/2026 16:40

I’d grass him in to the police to be honest !

Oh that’s a good idea. OP, read this comment, it’s really sensible, I’m sure no one has suggested it yet.

🙄

jojogwangwan · 26/02/2026 16:40

I’d grass him in to the police to be honest !

Original poster
TheDenimPoet · 26/02/2026 16:10

adlitem · 26/02/2026 16:09

You must be a better person than me, but I don't think anyone who tries to have sex with a boy just out of primary school deserves to move on with their life, particularly when they're breaking the terms of their sentence.

I mean I literally said that I don't feel like it's unfair...

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Sorry I meant the people who think that must be better than me. It's been a long day!

OP posts:
adlitem · 26/02/2026 16:09

TheDenimPoet · 26/02/2026 16:04

No, he hasn't served his time. He's still within his suspended sentence, and is still on the sex offenders register.

You must be a better person than me, but I don't think anyone who tries to have sex with a boy just out of primary school deserves to move on with their life, particularly when they're breaking the terms of their sentence.

Show quote history

You must be a better person than me, but I don't think anyone who tries to have sex with a boy just out of primary school deserves to move on with their life, particularly when they're breaking the terms of their sentence.

I mean I literally said that I don't feel like it's unfair...

Original poster
TheDenimPoet · 26/02/2026 16:04

adlitem · 26/02/2026 16:00

I mean, I actually don't know. I guess some people might think that he's served his time, hopefully been rehabilitated, and deserves to be able to move on with his life. But I am not even sure why I wrote that because I am not one of those people...

Show quote history

No, he hasn't served his time. He's still within his suspended sentence, and is still on the sex offenders register.

You must be a better person than me, but I don't think anyone who tries to have sex with a boy just out of primary school deserves to move on with their life, particularly when they're breaking the terms of their sentence.

OP posts:
adlitem · 26/02/2026 16:00

EvangelineTheNightStar · 25/02/2026 19:33

How on earth would it be unfair?!! Is it Sarah’s Law rather than Claire’s Law?

ETA: hadn’t seen posts just above mine saying same!

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I mean, I actually don't know. I guess some people might think that he's served his time, hopefully been rehabilitated, and deserves to be able to move on with his life. But I am not even sure why I wrote that because I am not one of those people...

MeridianB · 26/02/2026 14:53

Well done OP. Did they comment on him being in a relationship with someone who has a child? Seems way more of a problem than the social media issue.

blackfriday1 · 26/02/2026 14:19

No advice to offer, I just want to say well done for taking swift action and doing the right thing here OP. I hope wholeheartedly that the lady sees sense and ends this relationship immediately.

FreeWheezin · 26/02/2026 14:13

The police will likely visit him at home and notify the partner so that will all get handled.

I had to do a similar thing. Someone who was on the SOR went on to open a baby and toddler shop. I notified the police, they visited the shop and told the co-owner who was also the offenders partner. She had no idea before.

Beatriz85 · 26/02/2026 13:41

This is so sad and terrifying, he might have targeted her because of her son. I hope she chucks him out. But he is a sick arsehole that will go on trying to groom children if he is not put in prison

Tillow4ever · 26/02/2026 13:29

justasking111 · 26/02/2026 13:25

Just remove him from the home, that's not such a big ask surely?

Who are you talking to with this? The OP can’t remove anyone….

justasking111 · 26/02/2026 13:25

Just remove him from the home, that's not such a big ask surely?

x2boys · 26/02/2026 13:23

TheDenimPoet · 26/02/2026 13:07

So, she's read the message, hasn't responded, hasn't blocked me either though, so perhaps she's thinking about what she's read.

I went down to see the police this morning. She was really helpful, took a statement, I showed her various screenshots, and she said it will be dealt with. He isn't supposed to be on social media and he is, it was part of the agreement when he was handed a suspended sentence. Depending on what he's been using it for, this could mean he has to complete his sentence behind bars. It could mean he has to anyway, as he's directly broken his conditions, but she said it's the "best time to be a criminal" as there's just no space in prisons at the moment, and if he hasn't actually used social media to offend he might just be reminded of the conditions and asked to remove his profile. So that's great. He'll just remake it under a new, more obscure name, and won't be stupid enough to use his own bloody photo on it.

I notice a few people have mentioned social services. The problem with that is that I don't know a) the woman's surname (she has her middle name on her Facebook) or b) where she lives, so I'm not sure how much useful information I could give them. But I will try. The only thing I can see from her profile is her profile pic, cover photo, the comments on them, and where she went to uni. It's quite private.

It'll be later on this afternoon that I can do that, as I have a work meeting this afternoon that I have to travel to, but I will get it done.

I'm determined that the right thing will be done here, I just hope the relevant authorities will play their part.

Well now you have told the police they can do a safeguarding referral to social services thats the best way to go.

Lavender14 · 26/02/2026 13:20

Swiftie1878 · 26/02/2026 13:13

A lot of people who use their middle name (rather than surname) on FB are actually teachers. This could be even more sinister than it seemed at first.

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Not necessarily, anyone who doesn't want to be friended by someone they work with or have a disrupted family etc may do that or a horrible ex. Which would maybe be more likely as she'd possibly be easier to manipulate if she was in a vulnerable place when she met him.

Do they have photos of her son in his school uniform op because that photo would be enough for social services to identify him.

Swiftie1878 · 26/02/2026 13:13

TheDenimPoet · 26/02/2026 13:07

So, she's read the message, hasn't responded, hasn't blocked me either though, so perhaps she's thinking about what she's read.

I went down to see the police this morning. She was really helpful, took a statement, I showed her various screenshots, and she said it will be dealt with. He isn't supposed to be on social media and he is, it was part of the agreement when he was handed a suspended sentence. Depending on what he's been using it for, this could mean he has to complete his sentence behind bars. It could mean he has to anyway, as he's directly broken his conditions, but she said it's the "best time to be a criminal" as there's just no space in prisons at the moment, and if he hasn't actually used social media to offend he might just be reminded of the conditions and asked to remove his profile. So that's great. He'll just remake it under a new, more obscure name, and won't be stupid enough to use his own bloody photo on it.

I notice a few people have mentioned social services. The problem with that is that I don't know a) the woman's surname (she has her middle name on her Facebook) or b) where she lives, so I'm not sure how much useful information I could give them. But I will try. The only thing I can see from her profile is her profile pic, cover photo, the comments on them, and where she went to uni. It's quite private.

It'll be later on this afternoon that I can do that, as I have a work meeting this afternoon that I have to travel to, but I will get it done.

I'm determined that the right thing will be done here, I just hope the relevant authorities will play their part.

A lot of people who use their middle name (rather than surname) on FB are actually teachers. This could be even more sinister than it seemed at first.

Original poster
TheDenimPoet · 26/02/2026 13:07

So, she's read the message, hasn't responded, hasn't blocked me either though, so perhaps she's thinking about what she's read.

I went down to see the police this morning. She was really helpful, took a statement, I showed her various screenshots, and she said it will be dealt with. He isn't supposed to be on social media and he is, it was part of the agreement when he was handed a suspended sentence. Depending on what he's been using it for, this could mean he has to complete his sentence behind bars. It could mean he has to anyway, as he's directly broken his conditions, but she said it's the "best time to be a criminal" as there's just no space in prisons at the moment, and if he hasn't actually used social media to offend he might just be reminded of the conditions and asked to remove his profile. So that's great. He'll just remake it under a new, more obscure name, and won't be stupid enough to use his own bloody photo on it.

I notice a few people have mentioned social services. The problem with that is that I don't know a) the woman's surname (she has her middle name on her Facebook) or b) where she lives, so I'm not sure how much useful information I could give them. But I will try. The only thing I can see from her profile is her profile pic, cover photo, the comments on them, and where she went to uni. It's quite private.

It'll be later on this afternoon that I can do that, as I have a work meeting this afternoon that I have to travel to, but I will get it done.

I'm determined that the right thing will be done here, I just hope the relevant authorities will play their part.

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 26/02/2026 12:17

Well done OP for doing the right thing. Good luck at the police station. I hope they take this seriously and that the woman chooses to safeguard her son when she finds all this out.

zingally · 26/02/2026 11:26

I absolutely would. Or at least ask her to do a Claire's Law check.

A couple of years ago, I posted a couple of photos on fb, of me and my kids round a friends house for a Christmas get-together. In one of the photos I was sat with my best friends husband. A man I've known for over 20 years, who we met at university, and who then came to live close to my best friends parents. He's a close friend, and I even lived with them for a few months, years ago, when I was between houses due to a job relocation.

A couple of hours after posting I received a fb message from a girl I knew from primary school, but hasn't spoken to in probably 30 years. Basically saying, "is that man named Simon(nc'd)? I dated him quite a few years ago. He was very abusive and dangerous. Please don't let your kids anywhere near him!"

Needless to say, I messaged back, assuring him that his name wasn't Simon, and this was a man I've known and trusted since I was 19 years old. Just a case of mistaken identity.

She replied again, very relieved.

To me, this is the perfect example of women protecting women. This lady owed me absolutely nothing. We'd had no contact for 30 years. But she was willing to open up about a very vulnerable moment from her past to safeguard me and my children.

ldnmusic87 · 26/02/2026 11:07

Did you get a response from her @TheDenimPoet