school say my son has to be in after his accident

Until he is well enough to return. It is that simple, and that isnt a decision for the school to make.

At the very least when he can eat, his pain is managed, and he's not sleeping all day.

I think people have reading comprehension issues and didnt understand what the OP was saying in her first post.

He smashed his face off the floor. He's had to have his 4 top front teeth removed after they were broken/partially knocked out, he's also had his bottom teeth go through his upper lip, got concussion, and on top of all that also broke his wrist. And it's less than 7 days since it happened.

You can tell there are people here who never had more than one tooth removed, and even that woukdnt involve the facial trauma this 12yo has just been through.

But what are you considering well enough?
Some posters are saying they wouldn't send him til the teeth were fixed, but that could be months!

Yes he currently is in pain so fair enough he has this week off but he can't see it as indefinite.
As the OP has mentioned he doesn't like the school so I feel the more he is off, the more his anxiety over the school will build in general. Then OP will have a school refuser on her hands. She has already said mornings are chaos, she has other children she takes to school so sounds like she needs him to get on with it. I think they need to talk at the hospital about how long his recovery should take (with him listening to this) and to then both meet in the school so they can see the extent of his injuries and to make a plan for his return.

I'd keep him off until he is well enough to go in. I don't get why that is hard to understand?

At the moment, he is in pain, teary, and unable to stay awake for a school day; not only would sending him be useless in terms of learning, but it would also be counterproductive. His recovery would take longer, meaning his ability to learn would be hindered for longer.

I would certainly keep him off until the pain is manageable and he'd learnt to eat with no teeth.

I'd then gauge it by how ready he is for school, what his psychological state is regarding the no teeth etc. Only a parent could know this about their child.

Personally, as he's already unhappy at school, doesn't fit in, has few friends and isn't in exam years etc my focus would probably be on letting him have a break and getting him into a new school.

My son did EXACTLY the same on the scooter. Forget school he needs to get into the dentist for xray as the dentist found that the hospital hadnt removed all the tooth fragments out of his lip as there were still shards in there we had to go to the facial unit at the hospital for a mini operation as one was quite close to the nerve. Once they completed that the dentist checked for nerve damage which there wasnt and just rebuilt his front 2 teeth. Good luck OP dont worry about school you can still fight this as you will have all his medical records and appointments.

Do not apologise or try to justify yourself to the school. Don’t over explain. Just tell them that your son is ill, awaiting a review at the hospital and you will be going with medical advice regarding return to school. He’s sleeping half the day, crying because he’s in pain and finding every day tasks difficult. If they try to fine you you can appeal it and get his medical notes for proof. To the people who think people should be at school/work when ill , well after all you’re just another brick in the wall.

DD broke her arm in PE in year 7 & was off school for a week until she'd been to fracture clinic. She couldn't have a cast due to the location of the break so we were worried about being knocked/shoved in the halls between lessons.

School did a risk assessment& she was given a pass to leave lessons 5 mins early, she wore leggings & a zip up hoody because she couldn't manage tights/trousers/jumper/blazer with her sling. It was her writing hand too so they lent her a laptop to write on instead. Obvs no PE for 6 weeks

Your school sound very unhelpful!

Can you give him paracetamol & ibuprofen at staggered times to manage the pain?.

For those saying keep him off, how long would you be doing that for?

If he is genuinely in pain still you do need to go back and see the doctor as maybe they have missed something and Calpol isn't working.
I would explain to the school he has another appointment on Friday, and make sure you ask at that appointment what adaptions are needed for him to return to school (if relevant). If it is just his teeth, then surely posters on here wouldn't be keeping their kids off school for 6 months or more? The NHS waiting lists are long and even if an emergency I don't see it happening that quickly.

As said the school can make adaptions, having him work in one room (with pastoral or in the library for example) or if he could go to the classrooms, leaving early to avoid being bumped into.
What the parents need to do is get him there. Yes it might be inconvenient now having to drive him so he doesn't have to get a bus, but that might have to be the solution (or pay for a taxi).

I am so sorry OP. What an awful thing for you and your poor boy to go through. The school (and idiots here suggesting they are in the right) ought to be ashamed of themselves. Sending you 💐

"It’s interesting to note how many people say “you wouldn’t go to work that injured”. Well, many people have no bloody choice! It isn’t the point of the thread but if you’re in that camp maybe have a think about how many people in the country live in a much more precarious position than you do rather than casting judgement."

Well, it's is true and sad that some people will still try to turn up to work in a complete state because they only get SSP (after 3 days or something) and not working will ruin them financially. That is a terrible situation to be in, but not really relevant to the argument (i.e. of course you'll be forced to make different decisions if you're going to starve). Also, having sensible and compassionate sickness policies across schools and all workplaces (with proper financial safety nets) would help this situation, you shouldn't just point to the hugely disadvantaged sections of society and say 'well look at what they have to endure, so everyone should be capable of suffering like them'.

The only people judging were the 'drag him to school' crowd.

Don't be ridiculous.

Any job that made you show up in that condition needs reporting to the H&S executive.

Also, a 12yo having a week off for concussion, broken wrist and a smashed face is not going to screw their lives up or have them failing school.

This is a genuine question for those saying he has no choice and send him in.
HOW? If a teenage lad (or lass) says they are not going in please explain how you get them in.
As a foster carer I've had a foster child who at times has refused (thankfully not long term). I can't physically make them go in. I can put other consequences including no WiFi.....etc in place which we do, doesn't change a thing, still refusal. PLEASE explain how you would get them in.

When you call the school focus on the pain - hopefully explaining he’s in too much pain and is still sleeping a lot. If he’s literally crying with pain that should be enough to get them off your back surely!

It’s so strange to me that we are so conditioned to believe that we must all be sheep and a single minute out of the classroom will mean disastrous consequences for dc future. People are so brainwashed by years of the government telling people that our children, who we give birth to, love and raise, must be in this building, looking at 4 walls, every day for years and years. People are shit scared to go against the conformity that has been shoved down our throats, that we accept the government telling us exactly what we can do with our own children and we accept fines for not doing so. To make it worse the people who are telling us what to do, treating us like robots on a conveyor belt, don’t live by the same rules and are so far from reality it’s scary. It is a worrying time when people are so conditioned by these crappy governments, who only want to churn out clones to make THEM more money, that they are aghast that a little child who has experienced a terrible accident and is feeling vulnerable, has even a few days off school.

Education is important but so is health and wellbeing, so is having the ability to think for yourself, so is freedom and care and love and family. The poor child is in pain, he is allowed to rest, the school can piss off. We have no independent sensible thought anymore. Children must be in school 8.30-3, 5 days a week and must not miss a single minute. Yet half the school day is taken up with teachers dealing with incidents, disruptions and trying to force children to conform to a system that is so against natural human behaviour. Children are forced to retain information from a curriculum that is decades out of date and does not encourage creative thinking or problem solving. They must regurgitate facts onto exam papers, which claim to measure intelligence, when in reality the system doesn’t want real intelligence and being able to regurgitate these facts onto paper is in no way a measure of true intelligence.

I won’t get started on my thoughts around how mainstream school is not the right place for every child and how it’s often the most creative thinkers who are struggling. It’s so depressing.

op sorry to go on the rant there, but I just can’t get my head around this attitude of others. Let your son have more time to recover. He will probably feel more up to school next week.

Exactly, it would be a pretty unreasonable employer that would force someone in with a bashed up face, broken teeth and a fractured wrist.
Let your kid get some rest. The school can send some work home if it’s genuinely bothered about missing out on learning rather than its attendance targets.

I wonder how many people here advocating for a child who has had a serious injury would be back in work after a week? Very few id imagine.

he doesnt especially love school and he took a while to settle into year 7 as he went to a different school to his friends, they all went to the ‘good’ school and he still doesnt have many friends a year on, academic wise he's okayish he isnt top set bur he tries

Is your son on the waiting list for the other school?

You worked in a school office and don’t think they have risk assessments to hand which cover children with broken bones and needing pain relief?! I call bullshit. Kids with broken bones are completely normal in secondary schools. Not one in every class, but two or three at any one time in the average comp.

I agree with all of this!

Has the dentist not said he can have a temporary denture plate? Can you afford a private dentist? I’d tell school he’s suffering the affects of shock and he’s still in pain, so he isn’t well enough to attend. I wouldn’t say he’s refusing. I’d be clear that he isn’t well enough to attend. He needs support and understanding and his teeth sorting asap.

I have worked in a school office and attendance takes priority over any kind of common sense or compassion imo.
There was on one occasion a sickness bug going round, and a corridor full of kids vomiting into bins waiting until they had their afternoon attendance mark before we could call their parents!
Your son has had a nasty experience, is in pain, probably aching all over and they want him in school, for no other reason than attendance imo. A week or two off in year 7 or eight is NOT going to change the course of his life. Let the poor lad recover ask school what risk assessment is being done to facilitate his eventual return to school and can they guarantee to give him his pain medication. That will shut them up for a day or two.
On a separate note, many private dentist do take on children on the NHS, worth looking up on the NHS website.
I hope your poor son feels more himself soon and gets his teeth sorted out, honestly I think ppl on here sometimes are very harsh. 💕

It’s interesting to note how many people say “you wouldn’t go to work that injured”. Well, many people have no bloody choice! It isn’t the point of the thread but if you’re in that camp maybe have a think about how many people in the country live in a much more precarious position than you do rather than casting judgement. Many people are harsh about insisting kids go to school because we’ve actually lived the reality of seeing friends and family who screwed their lives up early by failing at school.

With your update about mild concussion (I hadn't realised that from your OP) and the amount of time he is sleeping, I would be absolutely refusing to send him in to school. If he isn't more alert tomorrow I'd be getting further advice about possible concussion after effects - maybe ring 111.

I’m torn on this one. Obviously it’s a massive thing and I think people do underestimate the mental impact of a serious injury. I’ve known adults who have really struggled. Though, obviously, they were back in work asap because they needed the money!

I’d probably tell him he can have until the weekend but from Monday he needs to go back. And I probably would start with proper consequences if he refused at that point (eg no chilling with a film).

Does your DS’ school have sparx / maths watch etc that he could use to try to keep on top of doing some work?