school say my son has to be in after his accident

I don't mean to be making more of attendance and time off than the state of your DS's health and current suitability for school - based on the posts I'd say that he does need some more time to recover, pain relief to be able to meet the demands of the injuries, and advice from the investigations on Friday, before sorting out the plan of a return with some help for him. But school seems to be lasering in on absence days and much less on the timing of him being in a sufficient state to be able to sustain attendance without becoming worse.

It sounds as if you are most worried that a) he does not seem to want to leave the house or go in a car; b) that he isn't sleeping because of pain and is having trouble eating; and c) that he couldn't easily use a bus until physically up to it (wrist especially would be at risk).

Impressions on this are: for a) - not surprising, and suggests pain and post-concussion still need to improve more with rest right now. b) - this should improve, and the medics should advise you on the pain front, but the school needs to know of their advice and plan based on some of the difficulties he would face when in school, but c) - is perhaps a bigger problem and it doesn't look like the 5 minute adjustment suggested would be a help in the early stages. If there is a way of planning to drive him, or arranging a lift, at least when his wrist is more stabilised, this may get him more used to managing the other things that won't be as easy in school as before the injuries, but perhaps easier to adapt to than the bus.

You need to stop pandering to the school.

Do you think he is well enough to be in school? This is the most important issue.

If you don't think he is, stop talking to the school about school refusal or early passes and tell them he is not well enough and will not be in until he is well enough.

If they threaten to put it down as unauthorised, ask them what their reasoning is, provide them by email, any medical proof you have (photos/appointment cards, etc.), and if it still goes down as unauthorised, ask by email what the complaints process is. Keep taking it higher until you get the result you need.

They cannot put down injury or illness as unauthorised unless theyhave a solid reason to believe it is not genuine.

https://notfineinschool.co.uk/home/f/is-medical-evidence-required-to-authorise-every-school-absence

From a PP (not trying to nitpick, but typing this post from a point of view where I thought these things would be easier than they have been, 2-3 months on from the health issue that affected my DC's performance).

Im not someone who believes that children should have 100% attendance but these things are only solved when the school and parents work together. The school can put steps in place to make the transition easier.

They can, but you would think that in the case of concussion and injuries that are still under a hospital clinic, this should be the bare minimum that needs thinking through, and instead the HOY has said nothing and the receptionist refuses to log injury absence when they've decided 'unauthorised'. So it doesn't look as if they will pay great attention to constructing a managed plan to support the student without real care, that the parent and medics need to ensure is put in very soon.

He doesn’t need to wear uniform, he can have a reduced timetable to avoid busy bus routes, he can take lessons in a smaller room or leave lessons a few mins early to avoid the corridor, have a ‘buddy’ to carry his bag.

The GP advice and extracts from my DD's medical records (from a while ago) showed some clear needs that could be implemented. I requested this of school on email initially. It's taken 3.5 weeks of January and a lot of chasing to actually have these points passed on reliably for action in classes. One of the recommended adjustments has also not been granted, although the rest are, so in the spirit of compromise and keeping communications open, I am currently seeing how it will go. So don't assume that all the above will be waived through even if they look as if they couldn't be more sensible for your DC and their physical condition, to you.

But it sound more like OP and school are at loggerheads and instead of working together to find a way to get him there safely and confidently.

There are 2 sides to every story, but the school seem to be the side that began to be obstructive and throwing their weight around.

OP, bear in mind that this may not be the last of the absences that you will see this year (possibly connected to this accident) - they sound already to have decided you are exceeding a norm, even though proper healing and being on board with a well managed return to school is something worth standing your ground on, because it may have worse consequences if rushed and done under duress. When nothing was happening between mid Dec and mid Jan for us, this really did ramp up anxiety and paranoia in my DC more. You can manage some levels of it at home, but if they feel nothing is happening despite a lot of effort to pass on needs as they change, then that fear was at levels I was out of my depth with, and it could have been contained with more help.

To be able to have all of this documented - definitely physical fitness and possible effect on work for a while - in case of needing help from others (GP, clinic, dental people...), you need to explore a health plan and, at least, adjustments in school to start immediately, not in 2/3 weeks, to help get back to a workable place.

Ah poor lad, even a mild concussion will be making him feel wretched.

I think many posters here and the school have really underestimated the impact of the injuries he's sustained - they don't have to be more serious to warrant him feeling like shit and needing longer to recover from the initial shock. A concussion will exacerbate that.

@healingqueen make sure the school knows he sustained a concussion and isn't fit to return just yet. Remind them that a concussion is brain injury.

@HarshbutTrue2 losing crowns is nothing akin to losing teeth due to a traumatic facial injury. Not remotely comparable.

No. But I once worked with someone, actually 2 people, who lost front crowns. They carried on coming to work with a gap in their front teeth for a week or more whilst they got the new crown ordered. It's not a quick process. We were all amazed because until their teeth fell out, we didn't know they had crowns. One lost his crown whilst talking to a group of us - it simply shot out and across the room.
Depending on his friendship group - losing front teeth could be a macho sign. (Now all the haters will say that teenage boys shouldn't be macho. Boys just can't win) Or, he may be teased.
I didn't realise that he had concussion. If so, he should not return for however many days. OP should contact the attendance officer herself. Beat the school to it. Explain the situation, I'm sure they will be understanding.
The worst mothers for sending their kids to school when they are ill? Nurses!
They see so much suffering at work that they have a different attitude. (Now all the nurses will come on and call me a liar. Maybe I should preface it with 'in my experience')

This. I bet that the attendance police would be sending their kids to school with all their limbs hanging off.

If he's in pain he's not going to be learning much anyway.

Given that he is still in pain, I would go and see GP for advice about pain management. Get the receptionist to give you an appointment card.

i doubt I would get him into the gp tomorrow same day as it's not an emergency to them and he's seeing the fracture clinic friday which im stressing about getting him there and also what to do about my 2yo as appt is 10:40 and nursery finishes at 11:45 so im inclined not to send in case the appt is delayed or runs over but keeping a 2yo entertained whilst trying to listen to a doctor and focus on ds sounds stressful, this whole week including half term has been a nightmare

You sound very worn down - try and make sure your getting enough sleep as well and pull in any help from Dad or wider family/friends if you possibly can.

I'd still get someone to ring GP and argue for appointment - mention the head injury and mild concussion and the sleep and pain relief not cutting it. Then when there ask about letters for pushy school and say money is tight would it cost us. Then you'd know where you stand. Though as others have said I'd also use fracture clinic appointment.

If you really can't afford private dentist - I'd still ring round local practises and ask if given the circustances they'd take DS on as NHS. There often local lists of which are taking on NHS - which do tend to be out of date but worth asking.

I'd also try ringing hosital dental department and ask how long a wait to be seen for him will be. It will at least give you a time frame to work to.

I agree rather than worry about being lat to nursury pick up - if there no option to have someone else pick up or book in longer - then yes I'd take two year old to appointment. I had to take three under 4 to hopsital appointments - no choice - it's never great or my first choice- but I'd try and get then to run off some energy easier for me as as we don't drive so long walk via parks coudl be sorted - take lots of distractions toys. books - magazines and snacks and drinks - they were really good in the end even after very long waits and sat still while I spoke to HCP.

School you need to push back and personally I found it easier with e-mail than phone as they can't interrupt and harder to minimise. List why he's not back and won't be - all the medical issues and implications - and ask for a plan/risk assesment to help get him back safely on a timetable that suits DS.

Oh the poor kid! I would keep him off for a bit too. What’s he going to achieve being at school when he’s dog tired, in pain and probably self conscious of his face right now? He’s not going to learn much!
I’d probably get him checked over again though if he’s really sleepy, especially as he had concussion. It’s probably because he’s not sleeping well but I’d rather be safe than sorry to be honest.

Please explain what you think is the connection between academies, attendance and money. I'm the chair of governors at an academy trust school, for reference.

the Attendance Officer -as mentioned each LEA has to have a named officer for kids missing school forhealth reasons.
This kicks in after 15 days missed. Ask to speak to them . They can liaise with school and child and parents

11 was the last time I could pick them up and carry them. After that, too heavy and if they had wanted to resist they could pick me up instead!

Clearly some people haven't had hardened school refusers.

You use persuasion as best as you can, you work with school as much as you can but that doesn't guarantee that they go to school. EBSA just doesn't work like that.

You also don’t need a note from the Doctor but having evidence of medical appointments (ask for a written reminder of the appointment from the receptionist and keep it). Maybe keep a written diary of how he’s doing and what he’s saying/feeling. This is all evidence.
Also don’t let them bully you with the Attendance Officer - these can be surprisingly human to parents who are “trying” to get their children in.

Often schools (especially those already struggling) can become bogged down in attendance numbers and lose sight of the individuals. (I have sat through a meeting where we were told to still send our children in for stage 2 SATs if actively vomiting).

Is his dad around and able to take some of this on chasing gp appt and the other kids?

Make a proactive call to LEA ask for the named officer dealing with kids missing school for health issues to ask about medium term options like tutor groups etc that he might access who will be used to helping kids who may have developed anxiety over school for whatever reason

Op I just want to say if it was my child I'd be devastated for them. I'd explain really clearly to the school how much pain he's in and also see if I could get him something stronger than calpol if he's really in that much pain. You can get codiene that dissolves in water in effervescent tablets.

I'd also consider setting up a go fund me for dental treatment if there's a solution out there that the NHS won't pay for and you can't afford it. People have set up go fund me pages for really cheeky reasons but I think this would be fair enough for a child who is missing 4 front teeth. I'd donate if you were my friend! Poor little boy.

Often temporary dentures can be made up quite quickly. I think it would be very unusual if he won't be given any for 6 months.

Maybe hoy can visit your ds at home to talk about it if you cannit get to school.yet?
You well he needs to talk to school at some point.
If is going to more than 15 days off school then it triggers the need to discuss how to support his education as child misding school due to illness.

Clearly he needs support and school hoy pastoral care need to be approached.
If you cannot get him to school ask school to come to you...and or LEA named officer for children with health issues

Gp can support as well and refer to camhs

You could call for advice Changing Faces | Visible Difference & Disfigurement Charity https://share.google/AEAxK9hq0m6yZKRAI

OP don't even consider sending him in until he's been seen again and got the permanent cast on.
When I broke a bone I couldn't stay awake for the first week. I googled it and it takes all of the body's energy to start regenerating the bone.
You have sound medical reasons for keeping him off school at LEAST until the end of the week. The fact that he really doesn't want to go, the fact that the school sound completely lacking in common sense, just adds to the reasons for keeping him home.
I wouldn't expect the school secretary to have the medical knowledge to decide your son is fit to attend. She only cares about the attendance numbers.
Don't let them bully you. They have no right to class it as unauthorised when you have TOLD them he is not well enough.

He has had facial injury and 4 teeth removed. I assume he has stitches.

Allowing time for recovery from that that doesn't mean waiting until the teeth are replaced In the way some are implying.
It means waiting until
-swelling has gone down,

• there isn't concern about his face being knocked and any clotting disturbed,
• he isn't in too much pain
• he can eat relatively normally
• he can speak relatively normally.

Mental health is as important as physical health. He isn't going to learn anything in school if he
-feels in pain
-conscious about his injuries
-concerned about further injury

• unable to eat properly
• unable to speak properly
• Tired from a head injury
• worried how he will be able to do some things on a practical level due to a heavy cast on his arm.
• upset and worried about longer term consequences to his teeth and arm.

Taking time off now to recover, and being able to discuss what accommodations can be made on his return will give better results for him and the school

Please hear us when we say - your child is in pain! The are not fit for school. You don’t have any explaining to do, it’s not about you or your efforts to get him in. He clearly isn’t well enough. 12 is still so young, especially when they are in pain. Don’t let school bully you or him.

But with things like this it can be a bit taking each day as it comes. You don’t need a precise plan for everything.

I do agree with keeping him off until the pain is under control and he is sleeping better but I think most of the back lash is coming from the fact that OP doesn’t seem to be giving a time frame for when she expects him to go back to school. These are long term issues and he can’t realistically stay off until they’re sorted.

The focus should be on getting the immediate problems addressed. Getting his pain under control, the calpol isn’t cutting it so speak to the Drs. I know services vary everywhere but ours has an online service and WhatsApp. He may not need a physical appointment. You can send messages to the Gp with photos. By now the hospital notes will already be on his record too. Chances are he could be prescribed something more. Failing that the pharmacy may be able to help. There is stronger pain relief available for 12 year olds.

It reads like he already struggles going to school and has poor attendance. Those of us saying send him aren’t all callous with no empathy we’ve just seen how much harder it is for children to get back into school after prolonged periods of absence. You have to be there in order to make friends and build that connection. Avoiding it just increases the anxiety.

Im not someone who believes that children should have 100% attendance but these things are only solved when the school and parents work together. The school can put steps in place to make the transition easier. He doesn’t need to wear uniform, he can have a reduced timetable to avoid busy bus routes, he can take lessons in a smaller room or leave lessons a few mins early to avoid the corridor, have a ‘buddy’ to carry his bag. But it sound more like OP and school are at loggerheads and instead of working together to find a way to get him there safely and confidently.

This happened last week though and some posters are suggesting he stays home til he fully recovers. My question is when does that happen though? What does well enough look like? If the bruising has gone down but his teeth haven't been replaced is that well enough? When he has the cast off (which again could be many weeks, but most children go to school with broken bones).

I think fair enough he has this week and to see what the doctors say on Friday but I think saying he can stay home til he is better means he is likely to keep saying he is in pain so he doesn't have to go back.