school say my son has to be in after his accident

Hi OP,
I had a fall (I was supporting my young son on a scooter that overbalanced) and I bashed my jaw/teeth and deeply grazed my fingers and knuckles. My son was OK- I had saved him and that was why I hadn't been able to save myself. It wasn't a patch on what your son is going through but I was deeply shaken and tearful for a couple of days. We delayed going on our holiday (only uk fortunately) as I just wanted to sit under a quilt, and I'm grateful my husband completely understood and supported that.

As you already know your son is in pain physically and shock emotionally. Despite pressure from the school I would support him being off a while - perhaps another week. I would actually wrap him up in tlc during this time and try to protect him from outside pressures. Just let him hunker down, rest, watch movies and give him lots of love.

I think a previous posters idea to contact his GP and explain that School are putting him under pressure while he is in pain and very shaken is a good idea. The GP should hopefully be able to email you that he supports a week or whatever off on medical grounds. School could not put unauthorised then and insist they change any they have put.

When he goes back to school he might prefer to wear a covid style face mask. If he wanted to I would tell the school that that was what was happening.

Hope your son recovers quickly

Against the grain.. sounds like a nasty accident. I'd let him be home this week myself

This is making me extremely grateful for my mother and secondary school.

I severely broke my leg in the June half term of year 7 (29 years ago). I needed 2 surgeries to stabilise it and I had a hip to toe cast on my leg. Between the school and my mother it was decided that it was not safe enough for me to mobilise around the school. I'm not 100% who provided the tutor I had for that last few weeks of school before the summer holidays, but it wouldn't surprise me if my mum strongarmed the council into it. I was able to return to school at the start of year 8 with just a support cast on my leg, which came off after the October half term.

However, I do agree that OP's son's injuries don't sound serious enough to miss any more school. Saw plenty of arm casts back in my days at school and seen a few at my daughter's school in the 2 years she's been there. Hell, in my primary school (so we're talking 30+ years ago) there was a boy a couple years ahead of me who had had an above elbow amputation with no prosthesis yet to replace it. With minor adaptations, OP's son will be fine at school.

How exactly would a helmet have saved his teeth?!
On this occasion the lack of a.helmet had nothing to do with any of the injuries he sustained.

I'm with you OP. It sounds like he is still in some pain and with significant bruising and lost teeth I would.absolutely be supporting him in staying off school a while longer. Whilst the academy may not like the absences, if the local authority do get involved, I would expect them to work with you towards getting him back in.
Did the hospital give any recommendations re the time frame?

I would think that he’s probably still a bit shaken up about the accident. Plus he’s in pain, and has a very visible set of injuries. I would be concerned about him being able to manage a bus journey with a broken wrist and the pain and potential embarrassment/attention over his teeth injuries and facial bruising. Is he able to eat at the moment, or is that painful?

Is there any way you could accompany him to school or take him there yourself for a while? I would want the school to be explaining how they can accommodate him in terms of his safety, so avoiding crowds, whatever adjustments he might need eg going to lunch a bit early, leaving classrooms a bit early, somewhere quiet to sit during break if he’s struggling, and so on.

It's the kind of injury where an adult might work from home, so fine if the school want him to do homework.

If his face is still swollen and he's in a lot of pain, it's unreasonable for the school to object to his absence.

As a former teacher I understand the importance of attendance, but some LAs/schools are taking this to unacceptable extremes.

As for the PP who was stopped from taking her child to an afternoon arthodental appointment- I'm flabbergasted! Do the school think they own her child?

Obviously if a child regularly misses a lot of school their education will be affected but sometimes absence due to illness is inevitable. I can’t see much advantage in a child who can’t write at the moment and has a possibly painful bruised face and recent dental extractions sitting in a classroom until they feel better. I know he can’t stay off until his teeth are sorted but a bit longer to get over the accident seems appropriate. Also looking back, now my children are grown up, the kids with the very highest grades haven’t always been the happiest and most successful in life. Poor educational outcomes hold people back but as long as they do reasonably well I wouldn’t worry. ( I used to be concerned about grades, now I think it was unnecessary).

@healingqueen how is he usually at school?. Does he have a group of friends?

You've said he has had some time off before?

If he is still in pain I don't think it has to be all or nothing, a reduced timetable may be appropriate. It may be he can manage a few hours in the day with a later start and earlier finish.

If he is worried about comments and bullying and is self conscious then he needs reassurance from school about how they will support him.

If a sick note from the GP is required, they may be able to get to the bottom of why he won't go in, if he won't discuss it with you, so that may be a good port of call from the point of buying him a little more time but also getting more understanding about the situation.

You get him up because he needs to be aware of the consequences.
So, if he is refusing school, he still gets up, gets dressed and has breakfast, then he completes work.
If school dont send work, get some y8 workbooks off amazon, and use a tablet/laptop to access resources like white Rose maths and bitesize.

Follow his timetable and ensure he is working/studying.

In the meantime further liase with his school for reasonable adjustments and work out what you are going to do about his teeth because he can't stay off until they are sorted.

This is his education you are talking about. If you are lapse now, at best he'll fall behind, at worst you'll have a full school refuser.

Make it clear there is no dossing aeound during school hours. And surely he'll want to do his usual clubs and see friends soon....at that point...back to school you go

Yes but he can’t take time off school until they’re fixed.

@healingqueen Were you at the hospital, or do you have any documentation about his injuries?

I'm struggling to imagine a knock to the face hard enough to smash teeth but not hard enough to cause damage to the gums/facial bones.

DD jumped headfirst into my parents' 12-foot fish tank when she was 6. Her bottom teeth pierced her lip and need stitches, and she fractured her top gum. She didn't lose any teeth, but we were told they would probably turn black and fall out in time.

I was advised to keep her home and quiet for 2 weeks to prevent further injury to her gum/bones while they are in the first stages of healing. Given that she was the type of child to dive headfirst into a fishtank full of small sharks, I expected this to be difficult, but she actually felt pretty rotten for the first week or so and didn't want to do anything but suck on icelollies and fester in front of CBeebies.

OP it’s worrying that your family doesn’t have a dentist. Apart from trauma to teeth, they need to have check ups.
I would keep him off school for a week. He’s had an awful shock , and no doubt has a lot of pain.

No, because he's had teeth removed after a physically traumatic facial injury, which is now going to require significant dental treatment to manage. Plus a broken wrist and his face is smashed up.

Not likely to be true PTSD, but certainly a traumatic experience for anyone. I'd be a fucking wreck.

With a facial injury of that extent he's very likely sustained a concussion as well. You say he's acting out of character, quite lethargic - these are symptoms of concussion. At my school we take head injuries very seriously - total rest (mental as well as physical) is crucial for full recovery.

I wonder if you can get him to a GP to ask about this?

Could take ages to sort his teeth, it is a massive thing to face people without front teeth.

Is he often late because of chaos in the morning?

OP did he completely lose his teeth, or might they be able to be crowned, or have a bridge on the NHS as he is so young, and having to go without teeth could affect him mentally. I hope they can do something for him soon.

You have to parent ALL your children. You’re failing him here, in favour of the younger ones. What else is he allowed to call the shots on, to his detriment, just because you have other kids?

I think YABU, sorry. Yes it’s probably a little embarrassing for him, but he can’t stay off school until it’s fixed. It could be months yet.

As I said, you discuss this with him ahead of that time.

He is the eldest and is responsible for dressing himself and catching the bus to secondary school, as he's likely been doing for a year and a half now.

You listen to his worries and find out what's motivating this, even if it's just that he thinks he can exploit the injury. You help him manage his pain. You support if he needs extra time or physical help for now. You liaise with his head of year to ensure he can access lessons physically and they're aware of his concerns about returning. You encourage him to engage with his education because it's valuable and he needs it.

You parent him, rather than letting him decide he can opt out of school. He's just had a week off and been irresponsible. I happen to think the facial injuries and missing teeth are punishment enough, but he can't be rewarded!

But kids break bones all the time..they can't all stay off for weeks on end til it heals.
The parents need to arrange how going back to school will work - can he borrow a laptop for example to do the work (if it's his hand he writes with), can he leave lessons early so there isn't crowds in the corridor, get a lunch pass to skip the queue. Worse case scenario might be sitting in a pastoral office with a staff member if he refuses to go to the classroom.
There are lots of things that could be done but it sounds like you are rather passive about it.
Considering it was his dad that didn't enforce wearing the helmet perhaps he could now deal with taking the son to school.

he's not doing any school work at home as they havent sent any. i first phone monday morning and told them about the accident and that he wouldnt be in and she said she would pass it on to his HOY. HOY didnt get back in touch and i left a message tuesday on the absence line and again nothing and I called again today and this time the receptionist answered (there was no answer tues) again and basically said it's going down as unauthorised again then and was quite short with me. Then his head of year phoned and said he needs to be in, he's not unwell and the only reason he should be off if he had a sickness bug, no other reason and was quite dismissive.

Did you call - I wonder what the head of year was actually told.

I'd e-mail receptionist, attendance office head of year and HT - saying you son he has been badly injured - suffered server facial issues requiring hospital treatment and ongoing treatments and wrists fracture which may need an operation waiting to find out and is still suffering with serve brusing and is on pain killers and sleeping a lot. (Photos may help - you not talking about little knock)

You've been told this is incorrectly being recorded as unathorised rather than the correct code of injury and can they please correct their mistake.

You would clearly prefer his education was not be interrupted but you are following medcial advice and your own judgement about his current fitness to attend.

I'd also contact all the local denetal practsies NHS or not and explain the situation and see if any will atke him on as NHS or with a payment plan. That what I've had to do last two moves - first one found an NHS one second one that would take kids on as NHS if we adults went private.

Clearly if this goes on longer than this week then GP and being more forceful about getting school will come in - but accident wasn't that long ago and he still waiting to be assesed by facture clinic - I don't think it's unreasonable too wait till Friday so you know more about where you are but would make it clear next week and school is an expectation from you.

He's year 8 and not well this won't be about exams this will just be about school attendance figures.

He’s going to have to get used to it as he will be without teeth for a while.

Ptsd he fell of his scooter in a park

I recommend pursuing this, and putting in writing to the HOY and absence team that you wish to document a health plan for your DS (several times if needed). I am in this position with my DC who is 15 who had hearing, and now heart rate and balance, problems with just 2 days of absence in December. The issues coming from that were relevant for about 2 weeks when DC was in school but performance not like usual - instead of a sense of the problems being responsible for that, school were quite punitive, and it was pretty disappointing. Still following up on the medical issues but there was advice from the GP that has taken most of January to get through to school, and the impression I am getting is that it is fine to ignore it if it is not in a medical plan and (for example) only in emails.

As for 'They' aren't obliged to 'send' him work look up policies and/or ask for them - such as curriculum access and catch up policies, and such as supporting medical conditions within school. These were quite revealing in this case, and did help to get a conversation about appropriate measures to help within school rather than expect 101 percent performance despite not being up to normal physical condition. Interestingly, the last Ofsted report had entries that stated this school did poorly in supporting students with medical absences to catch up. Part of what you need to be talking about, in the health plan discussions, is how this will happen, who you contact to get hold of resources. Results so far over here have said to email teachers directly - yes, if that's what it takes, this will be what we do.