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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think someone should complain to HR

34 replies

HildegardVonBingham · 25/02/2026 12:24

Hi all,

I’m a trainee solicitor at a middling city firm. A new HO dept was brought in about 9 months ago. To date he has not bought in a single client. He is rude and bullying - especially to women. He loudly slags off other team members in an open plan office… He brags at length in team meetings about his property portfolio and how he’s allegedly dating the niece of a billionaire. Bit gauche, but not the end of the world.

However my colleague has overheard him saying iffy things about women twice. She heard him on loudspeaker to another partner claiming that two women wanted to go out with him on Valentine’s Day, and that he hoped he wouldn’t forget the name of the one he chose (!!). Last night she heard him speaking in hushed tones to another partner saying something about seeing a trainee ‘sweating buckets’ in the gym. I have no reason to disbelieve my colleague - it completely tracks with his behaviour. Acting this way in an open plan office with young women around is such macho bollucks and I think my colleague should report him to HR. If she doesn’t, how should I handle this? Initially I wanted to qualify into the team, and the NQ market is so bad right now… I know I’m bottom of the food chain so feel like there is little I can do.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 25/02/2026 13:15

How is saying you saw someone in the Gym “sweating buckets” a HR incident ?

Bullying people absolutely, definitely for HR

Megifer · 25/02/2026 13:10

Well now you know, if you feel strongly enough about it, you could complain.

Thats all there is to it really. But be prepared for your colleague to not want to get involved and it ultimately going nowhere.

ComtesseDeSpair · 25/02/2026 13:06

I agree it’s absolutely a culture thing, and if he’s rude and bullying towards and openly berates colleagues in the office and nobody has been willing to speak up, then I’d keep your head low until you qualify and then look to move on.

If you do want to complain, then the above should be the HR complaint you lead with, with examples. A he-said-she-said about what a colleague has told you they overheard is unlikely to have much weight.

Tigger18 · 25/02/2026 13:05

Why would you report it to HR, they're not responsible for managing him, his line manager is so talk to his manager. Better yet read your policy on bullying and harassment or code of conduct and follow the guidelines in there. You can go to HR by all means but their job is to give you your options which I've detailed above.

Cheepcheepcheep · 25/02/2026 12:50

Also at a City firm. Yes we all have behaviour guidelines and policies but in reality, it’s all about firm culture. Are you aware of your place being generally receptive to this stuff?

Personally, as a trainee, I’d be keeping my head below the parapet. Aim to qualify into the team and if things don’t change, look for a move after that. My hope would be that if he’s not bringing in work he’ll move on before too long…

Brefugee · 25/02/2026 12:47

Surely the person who should report to HR is the person who is hearing this stuff?

Squareblob · 25/02/2026 12:45

Surely a "middling city" legal firm should have policies for this? Equality and Diversity, Discipline and Grievance. Whistleblowing.

Read them and follow them. It's unlikely that any of the process is report to HR, much more likely that complaints or concerns should be raised in the first instance through his manager.

ldnmusic87 · 25/02/2026 12:36

I don't think his comments are at a HR level. (yet)

adlitem · 25/02/2026 12:28

The guy sounds like an arse, but I am not sure saying someone was sweating or gossiping about his love life is a reason for complaint - even if it does suggest a pattern of behaviour.

In terms of what you can do, keep a record of incidents I guess? Report them once you can evidence a pattern of behaviour. Be brave and be the one that speaks up. But as a lawyer, let me tell you the industry is full of men like this.

I guess the issue is that you recognise that it might be bad for your career to complain but also expect someone else to do the same. YABU to expect others to report when you yourself won't.