To think someone should complain to HR

Stop gossiping about him with your colleague. Tell them to report it, or shut up about it.

Unless you’ve seen/heard the behaviours yourself, stay out of it.

Just ask out loud where his first client is

What he does in his personal time is his business. Yes he is being uncouth in the office in regaling his conquests but unless he is actually harassing said trainee, making comments directly to the employees or touching up employees, just leave it. It will not end well for you as a female trainee. Chances are if he hasn't brought in work, he will be out on his ear soon enough anyway. If he starts telling his stories to you, a simple oooh too much information should suffice to make him think twice.

Report him for what exactly? Nothing so far is report worthy, you need something that is worthwhile before you go to his manager first, if no success then move on to HR.

Remember HR is not your friend, they #1 purpose is to protect the company, you need to have something that he does that is bad for the company or company image for them to really be bothered about it.

Those comments aren't really crossing any lines. The sweating buckets is a pretty common term that isn't exclusively used about women. His dating life outside of the office is nothing to do with HR. He could be dating 10 women and it still has no bearing on his job.

Qualified solicitor here, now HR professional. Even if behaviour is inappropriate or rude, it’s not automatically an HR matter. Look up your firm’s policies and see if you think the behaviour you’ve experienced goes against them, and what the policy tells you to do if so. I went to HR during my training contract about one of my supervisors who was a known bully (they were my line manager so I had to go to HR), and I was offered a role at the end, so it’s definitely not a ‘career breaker’ if your complaint is reasonable and justified.

People like this generally end up falling on their own sword over time. Keep notes and your head down.

I think if I was a trainee solicitor I'd be keeping my head down and concentrating solely on my work.

Apologies if I’ve missed it but are you in corporate or insolvency @HildegardVonBingham ? I’m quite long in the tooth now being nearly 20 years PQE but I agree with PPs that some of the stuff I saw when junior ( and not so junior) was pretty hair raising. Times have changed and some of the worst excesses are no longer acceptable and I fully subscribe to the philosophy that you stand up for what’s right even if it costs you ( which it as me personally on a number of occasions, so you need to do so with your eyes open) but whilst this behaviour is definitely in the creepy sleezy category it doesn’t rise to actionable in my view, and complaining to hr will just get you tagged as difficult.

If you had a mentor or friendly face in the team you could mention it in passing as a way of making sure his behaviour is known as people will sneer and keep an eye on it, but as a trainee hoping to qualify and as nothing has actuary happened don’t stick your neck out as there is nothing to be gained.

As an aside if you are in corporate, insolvency or one of the more “macho” practice areas and want to continue in the city you will need to toughen up and be a bit less sensitive if you want to survive. The lawns full of egotistical white men, we all spend too long at work and at BD so you will hear a lot worse and you can’t let it get to you.

Is the bullying behaviour separate to the two incidents you’ve described?

Those two incidents are certainly boorish, but they are not HR incidents. Even if they were, in my experience HR depts in large organisations will not be on the side of the person reporting such behaviour.

If you’ve witnessed other incidents of bullying, that’s different - although sadly I’d still urge caution as junior women rarely ‘win’ in these situations.

Save it. Don’t ruin your career. It will come to a head. But it doesn’t need to be because of you right now. He’ll trip himself up. Stand back, watch and wait. There’ll be a point where it undeniable.

While I agree that his behaviour is distasteful, the more inappropriate/unprofessional end of things (talking about his love life, commenting on a colleague at the gym) are all hearsay.

If you report to either manager or HR, even if they wanted an excuse to get rid of him, they won't be able to act without a first hand account. If your colleague denies saying anything, you'll look like a troublemaker.

Even as a bit of a raging feminist, I don't think this is the hill to die (or damage your career) on.

Unless you have personally experienced bullying or actually suffered yourself in some way i don’t think you can (or should) do anything. You shouldn’t be pushing your colleague to do anything either. Whilst the comments and his attitude are not nice I don’t actually see what you could take to HR. They are there to protect the business, not you.

if I were you I’d sit tight, get my head down and get through but not report - you will get known as a troublemaker if you go to HR with what you’ve said above. With any luck if he isn’t bringing in the business he’ll leave.

Realistically he’ll be out on his ear if he’s not making money. You haven’t overheard him so I wouldn’t get involved. If he’s as horrific as you say he will be on radar and that combined with being shit as his job will be enough to get him the push.

Are you doing 6 month seats? To be honest I’d avoid him as much as possible and time will soon be up and you’ll be in a new dept.

@Darkladyofthesonnets HR is there to protect the firm, and that includes reputation!

OP this man's behaviour is very backwards and exactly what most law firms are trying to move away from given the reputational damage these sorts of activities have caused law firms. It needs to be raised somehow, but whether that is by approaching HR directly, using performance feedback if you can trust it, or even sending an anonymous note to the managing partner / chief people officer (yes! an option if you have no confidence in existing processes). You might also consider gathering facts with dates, and see what happens next as you build up your case. You need to make contemporaneous notes.

However, not yet bringing in a client even as a senior HO, is not necessarily end of the world (depending on practice area, business case etc etc) - brining that up just makes it sound like you're piling on in a vicious way

In the nicest possible way, you will have to toughen up in the law. I agree with @Cheepcheepcheep. You need to understand the role of HR - it is not some arbiter of what is correct and appropriate behaviour. It is there to protect the firm, not the employees. Hopefully, given he is not bringing in work his tenure will be brief. Firms might put up with crass behaviour but they are very unforgiving about fee budgets not being met. Concentrate on your own career and in the real world reporting hearsay comments to HR will not advance it. Why do you think your colleagues didn't report it? Some of what the partners got up to when I was a young solicitor was hair raising. I found myself at a conference with my much older boss who revealed his vasectomy over lunch and managed to manoeuvre me into his hotel room that evening to supposedly phone a work colleague. I just concentrated on keeping a clear line to the door and staying as far away from the bed as possible while trying to adopt a business-like demeanour and never dreamt of reporting it to HR. (We were both married - to other people.) He never repeated the behaviour so I imagine it was very clear to him that I was not at all interested.

It might not be great, but it doesn't mean it's against policy.

Again, I say this kindly, but you do need a thick skin in the world of law. You are going to come across a LOT of distasteful people. I think the culture is slowly changing for the better, but it's not there yet. Look at in house when you are qualified, I'd NEVER go back to private practice. Not least because of things like this.

What you are describing is hearsay - even if you have no reason to disbelieve your colleague - so unless your colleague who actually heard the comments is prepared to go to HR it will be difficult for them to act. Agree his comments aren’t entirely work appropriate but not sure they meet the HR thread hold for formal action / sanction.

So you’ve lumped in his “rude and bullying” behaviour in with the boasting / bragging and describe it as a “Bit gauche, but not the end of the world”.

Yet the things you want to complain about to HR are that he can’t remember his date’s name and that he said someone was sweating buckets in the gym, I mean, really?

Don’t you think the bullying behaviour THAT YOU WITNESSED is what you should be going to HR about rather than HEARSAY from your colleague?

Sounds like you’re trying to shit stir and cause trouble for your colleague to be honest i.e. accusing her of spreading gossip about him.

If you go to HR would you not be dropping your colleage in it?

I would be thinking about my career at this point, OP, not concerning myself with his.

All you can do op is complain to your/his manager (or HR, who may pass it on to relevant manager to deal with), or dont, or tell him your colleague overheard him and ask him to stop.

Thats it really 🤷‍♀️

Me neither