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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you share something with your colleagues that was told to you in confidence?

63 replies

Givenup2026 · 25/02/2026 09:38

Materially it doesn’t affect me, as I was lucky enough to secure a job somewhere else.

However, I do know it will directly affect them (how much I don’t know), but I’m also aware that knowing early will make little to no difference.

So AIBU for considering telling them? It definitely feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders.

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Dweetfidilove · 02/03/2026 17:55

NuffSaidSam · 25/02/2026 10:01

Omg if it's three days just keep your mouth shut!

Literally ☹️

Whoinvented · 02/03/2026 17:19

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 17:11

I’ve already cleared them!

But why would you put yourself out for no reason? It can only bite you in the arse as they’d tell people the info came from you?!

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 17:11

Whoinvented · 02/03/2026 17:07

Nope 🙂‍↔️ it’ll come back and bite you in the ass . You need refercnes- keep clean!

I’ve already cleared them!

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Whoinvented · 02/03/2026 17:07

Nope 🙂‍↔️ it’ll come back and bite you in the ass . You need refercnes- keep clean!

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/03/2026 17:01

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 16:40

They’ve found the 1:1s with the whole org. I mean I’m pretty certain people
will start to talk from today.

Well if people talk to you you’ll know it’s out there, but I’d keep my nose out if I were leaving. It’s not your news to share and doesn’t affect you

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 16:54

Createausername1970 · 02/03/2026 16:49

It's a difficult situation. I have previously had a job where I worked directly for one of the managers who had to implement some redundancies, so I knew who was for the chop and when. It made me feel very uncomfortable to be honest - and my manager felt exactly the same as I did, but probably worse as he had been involved in the decision.

If the company is crumbling, as you say, then I guess others will realise and may even be looking for alternative employment.

If you tell someone and they can't keep it to themselves then it might come back on you. I realise you are working your notice, but I wouldn't rock the boat in the meantime - would being proven to be indescreet affect your standing with your new employer?

It won't change anything so keep your head down and work your notice period.

I don’t think it would… I mean at least 10-15 people already know me there (of years), plus there’s no real
way they’d know. Unless someone messages them on LI.

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Createausername1970 · 02/03/2026 16:49

It's a difficult situation. I have previously had a job where I worked directly for one of the managers who had to implement some redundancies, so I knew who was for the chop and when. It made me feel very uncomfortable to be honest - and my manager felt exactly the same as I did, but probably worse as he had been involved in the decision.

If the company is crumbling, as you say, then I guess others will realise and may even be looking for alternative employment.

If you tell someone and they can't keep it to themselves then it might come back on you. I realise you are working your notice, but I wouldn't rock the boat in the meantime - would being proven to be indescreet affect your standing with your new employer?

It won't change anything so keep your head down and work your notice period.

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 16:40

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/03/2026 16:38

You say your colleagues will be crushed, do you have capacity to support them while they’re upset? You’ll be in a better position to support people when everyone knows and they’re all in the same position.

Id not thank you for telling me something that was devastating to me, while also putting me in the position of either seeking answers (that no one will have), dropping you in it or having to keep my game face on. Keep quiet, tell no one (not even your friend) and be supportive when people do find out.

They’ve found the 1:1s with the whole org. I mean I’m pretty certain people
will start to talk from today.

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Jellycatspyjamas · 02/03/2026 16:38

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 16:25

In this case she wouldn’t, as she wouldn’t get unemployment. So I know she’d stay until she gets kicked out, or finds something else.

You say your colleagues will be crushed, do you have capacity to support them while they’re upset? You’ll be in a better position to support people when everyone knows and they’re all in the same position.

Id not thank you for telling me something that was devastating to me, while also putting me in the position of either seeking answers (that no one will have), dropping you in it or having to keep my game face on. Keep quiet, tell no one (not even your friend) and be supportive when people do find out.

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 16:36

TunnocksOrDeath · 02/03/2026 16:35

Yes that's my point: she might start looking for the something else because she thinks she's about to be let go... but the job she finds might not be as good as the one she's in. So it's probably better to say nothing than risk making things worse.

Oh she’s already looking and taking a MH day. She hates it here!

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TunnocksOrDeath · 02/03/2026 16:35

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 16:25

In this case she wouldn’t, as she wouldn’t get unemployment. So I know she’d stay until she gets kicked out, or finds something else.

Yes that's my point: she might start looking for the something else because she thinks she's about to be let go... but the job she finds might not be as good as the one she's in. So it's probably better to say nothing than risk making things worse.

Pistachiocake · 02/03/2026 16:31

Shoxfordian · 25/02/2026 09:41

No because you should keep your integrity and not share information given to you in confidence

Integrity could mean telling is the right thing to do, for example if they're breaking laws/if it involves safeguarding etc.
Reading on, if someone knew their job was at risk, knowing early could definitely affect them. We all see the odd job post/hear talk of jobs that might suit us even if we're not actively looking, but if we knew our job was at risk, we might be more inclined to find another so avoid being left unable to pay bills.
The manager should not have told you, if you're leaving anyway,leaving you in this istuation.

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 16:25

TunnocksOrDeath · 02/03/2026 16:22

You have to keep confidential information confidential, and plans could change anyway.
How bad would you feel if you let-slip that someone was being let go and they panicked and pre-emptively left for a lower-paid job, then it turned out management had changed the plan and they were actually going to be kept on?

In this case she wouldn’t, as she wouldn’t get unemployment. So I know she’d stay until she gets kicked out, or finds something else.

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TunnocksOrDeath · 02/03/2026 16:22

You have to keep confidential information confidential, and plans could change anyway.
How bad would you feel if you let-slip that someone was being let go and they panicked and pre-emptively left for a lower-paid job, then it turned out management had changed the plan and they were actually going to be kept on?

BackinRed101 · 02/03/2026 16:19

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 16:18

Yeah and I’ve told my friend I’ve ever hear about something affecting her directly. Now I know it will

what if you worded it in a way that eg you suspect theres something and its best to do x etc ?

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 16:18

hoichinny · 02/03/2026 16:13

This is an interesting one. People who confide in another typically remove the choice from that person to pass on the information (by ‘keep it to yourself’). If the receiver had known they were going to add this restriction, they may well not have chosen to hear the news in the first place. It puts an unfair burden on the hearer. What right has the teller to do this especially if it affects the perceived loyalty of the receiver by their colleagues/friends?

Yeah and I’ve told my friend I’ve ever hear about something affecting her directly. Now I know it will

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BackinRed101 · 02/03/2026 16:18

Givenup2026 · 25/02/2026 09:51

It’s specifically work related. My manager told me. I coincidentally found another job, I just got “lucky” so to speak.

personally whats to gain, even if you tell them etc

Ninerainbows · 02/03/2026 16:14

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 25/02/2026 09:42

No.
I was known at work for keeping my mouth shut!

Same. You can't go wrong doing this when it's to do with internal structuring or office politics.

Boomer55 · 02/03/2026 16:13

Givenup2026 · 25/02/2026 09:38

Materially it doesn’t affect me, as I was lucky enough to secure a job somewhere else.

However, I do know it will directly affect them (how much I don’t know), but I’m also aware that knowing early will make little to no difference.

So AIBU for considering telling them? It definitely feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders.

No. Keep quiet.

hoichinny · 02/03/2026 16:13

This is an interesting one. People who confide in another typically remove the choice from that person to pass on the information (by ‘keep it to yourself’). If the receiver had known they were going to add this restriction, they may well not have chosen to hear the news in the first place. It puts an unfair burden on the hearer. What right has the teller to do this especially if it affects the perceived loyalty of the receiver by their colleagues/friends?

Givenup2026 · 02/03/2026 16:04

well as an update, the announcement won’t be until Friday but it’s much worse than I thought. Also my departure means, someone else got to keep their job.

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Givenup2026 · 25/02/2026 14:00

Silvers11 · 25/02/2026 13:57

@Givenup2026 - from what you say. you jumped ship for another job because you could see the writing on the wall. So people are already aware that there are problems. Telling them with half knowledge won't do them any favours at all. They will be told, when they will also find out at or near the same time, what redundancy or other compensation may or may not be available. Please don't relay what you were told in confidence

Yeah, it was quite obvious to me. Another colleague resigned at the same time as me.

The only minor difference is that I got approached (or poached if you like).

However, I already had a redundancy policy in place as I knew it would be silly not to.

I’ve been through this 4 times now (this would be my 5th).

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Silvers11 · 25/02/2026 13:57

@Givenup2026 - from what you say. you jumped ship for another job because you could see the writing on the wall. So people are already aware that there are problems. Telling them with half knowledge won't do them any favours at all. They will be told, when they will also find out at or near the same time, what redundancy or other compensation may or may not be available. Please don't relay what you were told in confidence

PurpleNightingale · 25/02/2026 13:26

No you shouldn't say anything.

Things will play out as they do, and they may change from what you know now. For instance if one person hands their notice in ahead of the restructure an expected redundancy may no longer be in the plan. It could be very harmful to your reputation to have broken the work confidence. People move around the industry and come across each other again.

You have no way of knowing if those you told would break the confidence too. It would also be putting that heavy weight burden on their shoulders too if they don't tell anyone else what they now know.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 25/02/2026 13:25

I have been in this position several times. No. You can’t tell them. It would be very unprofessional to do so.

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