Leaving new job

meet with your manager and agree a defined number of days and which days so you can plan child care accordingly. Not an unreasonable ask given it was hybrid.

Look elsewhere. £50k for 11 hours x 5 days isn’t worth it when you’re giving up time with your child also.

Most work places are tiring of WFH now and moving back to office attendance, so unfortunately yes it is on you. Mine are late teens / early 20’s now but longer days was the norm when mine were little, they were at nursery long days and holiday clubs. It’s not ideal, but they’ve grown into great adults and we have a good relationship, and they don’t even have any memory of being at nursery. Your biggest problem is your husband, and you need to get your ducks in a row.

I find it odd adults booking half term unless have family who are teachers, or grandchildren. You won’t see me book any time off in August for a long time, apart from an odd day to look after my young nephew.

Its a big thing to leave your hubby. But when youre miserable why would you want to stay. I left my ex husband and it was the best thing I ever did. The first night i sat in my own house after putting my two young children to bed I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders .
For context he was also useless, drank too much, did very little with the kids and I earnt significantly more than him. But he did contribute financially to the household.
That leads to your job. Whatever you do dont just leave. Ask about flexible working and have a valid reason why. If they wont change anything then look for another job and then leave when you've secured one.
I do think it was stupid of you to assume the hybrid working pattern but I do think it is a bizarre one and dont see the benefit of it.

I found myself in a job like this. I discovered over time that although the organisation had hybrid work in place generally that my own manager just wanted people in the office.

I found another job and left. It just wasn’t worth it for me. It makes my life so much easier to be hybrid and there were plenty of other places offering this. I think it depends on the industry really. But you have my sympathy. It was very stressful finding myself in this situation:

Oh and your comment is uncalled for @Frangardens. Why bother asking @NameHasChanged1 when she'd said it already.

I would speak to HR first and say your circumstances are likely to change and is there any chance of working more flexibily? See what they say.

If they say no, you could definitely look for a new job.

Just to add OP, if you do split with husband, make sure he is willing to do his fair share of childcare if he is a good dad, or that you are financially supported through cms if you do more because working and looking after a child can be hard as a single parent without the above.

Your post doesn’t make sense. You’re conflating loads of different personal issues and are expecting your job to fix it instead of putting in the hard work to fix it properly.

I feel as well, I’m stating the obvious here. Your marriage has broken down. You’re expected to do all childcare tasks and all household tasks and this job. Why, are you not just ending the marriage? You know, it’s an untenable situation. People in normal marriages support each other - you don’t have that. Ie People in normal marriages would do more housework if their partner is now out of the house 11 hours for work in a job they pushed them to take? Why are you expected to do everything at once? Where is the compromise?

You already know it’s a shit marriage and he’s making life harder for you. You’re not respected etc

So you need to sort the actual issue out.

it’s a dumb time for you to be unemployed because you’ll be in a worse position to leave

Early weeks will be training and getting to do the job. Most hybrid jobs aren’t immediately in the pattern advertised

Perhaps but you’re choosing to take GC away, parents have to care for children. If parents can’t expect to you annual leave during school holidays, then how do people expect them to juggle working with having a family?

If young people don’t have children, the older generations suffer. Parents need some support.

I’m 61 …I still like school hols as I take my GC away …..everyone has the right to request school holidays …..you are not more entitled because you have young children

It is not up to him! Turn this around, he is not allowed to do his ridiculous job anymore and he has to go and get a decent one and start paying up.

I would start looking for another job straight away and possibly, if its possible, open up my search area and plan to leave my husband at the same time and move where I can get the job. He may not want you to leave but doesn't have a choice if you do. 11 hour days are unsustainable long term and eventually you will burn out. You have to put yourself 1st.

First speak to your line manager about it, explain the hardship it’s causing and see if you can agree the one or two days.

As for your husbands business - are your payments being done as directors loans ? How is it recorded because you’re entitled to it back.

Yes I was thinking this, is it because your new so more “Meets & Greets” etc..

The biggest difference is usually holidays are cheaper in term time, so... When I didn't have kids I was very happy to take those dates!

Make sure they know that you're very happy to return if it doesn't work out with the new person! Best of luck 🤞

Oh he's definitely a "D" husband.

A real "D"! 😬

Sounds like he just wants OP to earn more so he can sponge more. Git.

See if you can go back to your old role ?

One step at a time.

1. see if new job will take more flexibility
2. tell your useless OH more money means he has to step up, non negotiable
3. you’re good enough to get a new job, keep looking. Family is most important but you also need a good salary if you want to leave and go solo.
4. make plans to give yourself security and a way out if OH doesn’t buck up his ideas
5. communicate with OH if you want to save relationship- tell him straight. But only if you want to. Don’t let him drag you down - he sounds controlling and using you for your money

I'm shocked that you didn't ask what 'hybrid' means, as it's such an amorphous term and can mean anything from 1 day per week WFH to 1 day per week in the office. If the latter was what you want/need then why on earth didn't you check???? NEVER ASSUME, IT MAKES AN ASS OUT OF U AND ME. Have you never heard that phrase?

Anyway, can you bring yourself to contact HR at your old firm and ask them to consider taking you back? How much of a drop in pay would it involve? If you're dumping your 'D'H anyway, who cares what he thinks?

How long is the commute to the new job? Car or public transport? I know the old job was only 1 day in the office, but what was the commute for that?

Hybrid at my office is 3-4 days in the office so I think you'll want to be much more clear as you are job hunting next time. Maybe focus on WFH 100% roles? yes, you made a mistake but you can start to fix it. Think the first thing is starting to make plans to leave your husband... which will help you figure out what you need to earn and where you need to live etc.

And that’s fair enough, but in every place I’ve worked, there is a clear pattern of those with young children having school holidays off and those without tending to request other times (with exceptions of course).

So it’s not odd for a parent to be disappointed that their workplace is unusual in that they can’t have time off in school holidays.

For me, I’d be changing jobs. My children need me and I deserve to spend time with them. I’d be finding a workplace that doesn’t rely so heavily on others leave requests (ie choose a more flexible or larger employer).

As an aside, before I had children I wouldn’t have minded choosing different dates to accommodate parents. It made zero different to me usually which week I had off, I appreciate that’s not going to be the case for partners of teachers etc or those holidaying with parents.

More money is seldom “useless”. Higher pay means you can afford to take unpaid leave in the school holidays and spend time with your kids for extended periods of time. Presumably you also see your kids every single weekend, bank holiday and when you take your paid annual leave?

Is your husband worried about how much time he spends with his kids?

I would never assume “hybrid” meant only 2 days in the office, not in the current climate. I would assume 3-4 days in the office (and would definitely clarify before signing anything).

I think you should suck it up and look for a new job in the meantime.