Sister childcare and pregnant again

you are thinking for your parents but your sister apparently is not. I know it’s hard to make peace with it. I sometimes feel the same way ( I have a sister who used my parents for childcare for 12 years). What you can do is to state the facts with your parents and let them think about it.

If your parents are already finding it a strain, three children might be the straw that breaks the camel's back and they may stop doing so much.

londonbananarama
Your sister is extracting pure undiluted lemonade and she knows it
I know people will say you're resentful/jealous, its rearing it's ugly head and that your parents should be adult enough to just decline if need be; but they're probably so worn down they just accept and 'obey orders'
I feel for you because you'll be damned for saying what you've said but I think you're entitled to
Me being me I'd tell my put-upon parents to mention money whilst saying there.are plenty of registered child minders trained to follow their exacting instructions to the tee
Then see what happens
They'll probably blame you for turning grandparents against their angels and threaten to take them away
But I'd say to that they've probably seen enough of them for now
And most people respect their parents welfare

Op, I could have written this post myself.
Only difference is that my children are you ger (3 and 1).
I am now exceptionally low contact with my parents because its the only way I can deal with the situation of them providing near on unlimited childcare to my sibling but absolutely none for myself.

So she uses both sets of grandparents for childcare and doesn't pay a penny? Yeah she's selfish.

It has actually. Anticipating the time when the poor GPs are in need of help themselves, the OP needs to let her sister know that it will be payback time for all she's had from them so she, the sister, will be doing the bulk of it.

At this point I would be pulling my sister aside and saying (congratulations…but)

1. “Do you really expect Mum to look after 3 kids and not be able to pop Peppa Pig on for half an hour so she can enjoy a break with a cup of tea in her own home?”

2.”If you cant be more flexible and allow DM to be more of a ‘granny’ and less the hired help, she will likely burn out much quicker and where will you be then?”

I literally could have written this!! I always get “But I don’t have to worry about you”

You’re boring me now

I do get where you are coming from, my parents used to look after my siblings’ children so much we never felt like we could ask for any babysitting favours, even though it would have been once in a blue moon. It does seem a bit annoying that they palm off the childcare at every opportunity and then still have another baby to do the same with.

your parents can say no to babysitting

your parents can say no to the screen time ban

your parents can say no to the list of things to do

your parents can say no to the no chores ban

your parents can say feck off with this malarky, if they want to

you can ask your parents to babysit

@op she obviously shouldn't be rude to them, but the rest is just your assumptions about how they feel

I rest my case

@op you still haven't said if your parents don't like the current arrangement or if you are just assuming they don't.

It’s none of your business.

1. OP’s parents haven’t ever said NO to OP’s babysitting request
2. OP’s parents haven’t said they are tired or exhausted with their current set up

The only issue here is OP doesn’t ask for help and then resents people who do

Just wanted to say I understand and relate to your feelings.

I am the oldest of 4 girls and I always think very carefully before I make any requests of my parents because I am conscious of their age and stage.

It is quite hard to see 2 of my other sisters who are bolder, more vocal and perhaps less thoughtful absolutely rinse my parents and their retirement (my perception) and make requests (demands?) that seem so onerous to me, so easily.

I have also curtailed my own dreams (not another baby but time to study something i have always wanted to) because I was too reluctant to ask them to actually scale down their arrangements with my sisters and maybe, for once, help ME! For once!

I feel like there is then no room left for me to ask for any help or support because

1. I genuinely feel like it is too much for my parents to add my 2 DC and aspirations into the mix

2. I feel like the status quo / structure is so ingrained now if I try to change anything, it would seem like I was being disruptive.

I have no advice unfortunately. I just wanted to empathise. Your post resonated with me.

Therapy has helped me. Maybe you could look into that?

💐

You have to remember your situation or your sisters situation isn’t remotely close to the OP’s. Her parents didn’t quit their jobs and lose out on pay, they are retired. Your parents didn’t stick up for themselves but it seems like OP’s parents enjoy their set up (or it seems that way).

Of course it affects the OP, if her parents are always exhausted from helping out her other sister then it is her business.

I see no sign of resentment, just frustration at her sister wanting excessive amounts of help from their parents and her parents reluctance to say no, that has a knock on effect for her.

🥱🙄

I had this same situation. I paid to take my kids on holiday to France and my mum paid for my sister and kids to join us as she wanted them to have a holiday too. No mention of helping out with mine! I ended up paying for the entire villa and our flights. My sister paid nothing. It's the ongoing family dynamic in mine. And now my parents are unwell and need help and I'll have to step up because my sister won't.

I get you 100% as I have the exact same situation. I struggle to respect my sister because she's such a user. She has no consideration of the sacrifices myself and my older brother had to make in order to have our kids with no free childcare. My mum had then retired by the time my sister had her kids and so she takes full advantage of her. I know my mum could say no, but she won't. I have no solution, don't think there is an answer. But it really winds me up how my sister expects everything on a plate. I would be immensely pissed off too if she were to have another baby.

I'm going to go against the grain and say I think your feelings are completely normal. I have no children, but my sister also dominates my parents' time to the point where they struggle to do much else and have given up paid work to provide the childcare they have given for free to my sister. It has meant she can work full time, buy an expensive house whilst they have recently had to take out a mortgage in their seventies to move. It doesn't inconvenience me in the slightest, but her enitlement and lack of gratitude still frustrates me. In your shoes I'd be fuming.