Overheard a conversation about myself - feeling sad

I think very many of us would be sad to hear everything that is said about us behind our backs. I think you can adore your children but they can still drive you a bit crazy.
Sometimes the problem with being helped is the helper then wants to help you on their terms not on yours so it can quickly become quite complex as one side may feel the other should be grateful.
These transactions in relationships are famously a minefield for upset.
In my case the in-laws helped us massively over the years so I have always remained really grateful and super polite.
The bigger picture is the priority, you have loving support; that’s the main thing. Maybe you need to express your gratitude to them so they hear that you appreciate what they do. You sound supportive too but sometimes people need more thanks than we realise.
But you are like most of us, naturally sensitive to hearing what people say. It’s completely normal to be upset.

This is sad to read, but in the context of your long-term and whole relationship with your parents, not to be overblown. Given what you've said about your brother's reliance on them, your mum probably has moments of thinking 'oh goodness, when are they ever going to both be independent?'.

Having said that, your history of DA is important here - as you know, just because you're no longer in that situation doesn't mean that it doesn't affect you. I think your approach of mentioning it with a chuckle is a good one, but followed by a short explanation that DA still affects your decision-making, that you're doing the best you can, that your home being a place that you feel safe and comfortable is important to you and that you appreciate their help,

Take care OP and hope that tap fitting goes smoothly.

Try not to be sad - families and close friends do that bitching thing - its usually meaningless. I had a sickening moment recently when I accidentally broadcast a long conversation with my DH over whatsapp to my siblings who i adore where I made some observations about them that were quite harsh. I think I deleted the message before they listened but it really scared me and was a real wake up call as I like to think I'm a good person and they definitely would not have thought that. Personally - if I'm ever in a position to overhear a conversation about myself I exit the situation immediately for fear of negative overheards

I wouldn’t break contact but i would absolutely make them squirm and grovel as much as possible.

I’m defending your mum and dad a bit here, I know you will have been hurt, but I’m sure they didn’t mean anything really, and I’m sure over the years you’ve grumbled a bit about them, been impatient or rolled your eyes, this is just families, we can’t be lovely to each other 100% of the time, we have frustrations, stresses, we get irritated but we also have love, sweep the hurt away, they love you, you love them - this is just family life ❤️

Don't be sad. But you've a right to be annoyed especially when you help her out. I am a bit dithery about making decisions too at times. But dont dwell on it. If your pardets are gdnerally helpful and supportive put this behind you.

It does sound as if your dad got a bit stressed that you didn't have a tap & were changing plans to do so.

Did you moan a bit about having to do that?

To him the easier(?) thing was just to get it himself.

There was no need for your mum to chime in though as it was obviously all in hand!

My mum has left voicemsild of her and my dad talking about me cos she hasn't realised she hasn't hung up 🙄😂.
I hope her back embarrass her then we all laugh about it .
Isn't it just normal family stuff ,,I honestly wouldn't take it to heart .

I really don’t think this is the drama some posters are making out, everyone says things sometimes, just out of annoyance or frustration, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you.

My advice is not to take it to heart. Your mum loves you, she loves her mum too I assume ... and she is comparing the two of you because you have things in common. She is sharing this with your dad, who also loves you. She would not share this with anyone else!
Dont you ever get exasperated with your family members?
I love my adult kids to bits, but I complain about their quirks and foibles to their dad. They would be offended if they heard, but it doesnt mean anything. I adore them ... faults and all.

Ah OP her tone to your father says more about the dynamic between them than how she feels about you - just chat to her. She sounds like she usually is usually kind and you have all had a few stressors.

Oh you poor thing my heat went out reading this. You've done so well by the sounds of it! Youre obviously close, I dont think the advice here saying 'well take a step back/ignore/dont help' is mature or the right thing to do. Bring it up and tell them how it made yoh feel and ask why they they said jt like that. Its horrible and they should feel totally awful, which from what youve said about your relationship with them im sure it will. Dont be spiteful theres no need and you dont want the stress or drama, youve done nothing wrong, they have make them feel guilty and try and move past it.

But let her know why.

They were probably stressed about the situation (maybe confirming a date with the friend) and that resulted in them having a moan about you.

I think most people have had a moan about a loved one at some point. Much of the time we don’t even mean it.

I’m sorry to had to listen to that OP - I would have been hurt too.

consider breaking the cycle in the future - don’t give your parents these opportunities. Start finding your own tradespeople to do things you need or learn how to do them yourself. Don’t involve your parents in things you need.

I don't know, maybe. OP mentioned that she returned home after an abusive relationship and her parents helped her start over. This will have caused them a lot of worry and they'll have been back in that parenting a dependant mode again.

I definitely think OP should mention it and try to talk it out.

But parents have very right to be frustrated in private.

Maybe it's the ideal time for OP to cut the apron strings.

I'll be honest, I prioritise my dc over anything but it's completely ridiculous to expect that parents can never have a moan and be frustrated about their dc. Probably more so if they care deeply.

Me too
i heard mine chuntering about me when we stayed with them once and they didn’t know I could hear them. It upset me for quite a while and I felt on edge when I was with them that actually they don’t like me much (prefer my sister). I’ve got past it now, I have noticed they can be critical and unsympathetic about others in general and their lack of curiosity about other people’s situations, points of view and interests is narrowing. They have rigid opinions and back each other up in them. Interestingly my children have noticed it as teenagers, so it helps to be validated a bit that maybe it’s my parents problem rather than me, and I need to stop trying to seek their approval especially if the criteria is so narrow.

They don’t seem to respect your agency as a woman & seem to be treating you like a child that you should just be happy with what they select. I think that’s the deeper issue.

Absolutely this! My first thought upon reading the post. Could be a separation issue or something like that. Some parents just see their children as an addition to themselves, even when said children are adults living their own lives.

OP have you never said anything about someone when mildly irritated that you didn’t mean? I would just let this go if I were you. And of course you are perfectly entitled to choose your own tap.