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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband and food

79 replies

WinterGold · 24/02/2026 14:01

My husband is in his late 70s and has physical health issues, not helped by his weight. I’m 20 years younger.

He is always fussing about his next meal and at what time. He doesn’t have to, but eats religiously by the clock, not when he is peckish or hungry. For example, we are currently on holiday and he ate a huge meal last night, has had a full English breakfast, mid morning snacks - just because they were available - and is already anxious about where we are going to eat tonight. We are currently relaxing and not expending that much energy either.

He’s not that much different at home sadly, I have to be very specific and ask him not to help himself if I don’t want to go to the fridge and find ingredients I got planned for a meal already raided. Our adult son recently bought some chocolates for a work colleague who was leaving, only to find the box opened and half eaten and he will think nothing of demolishing a whole large bar of fruit and nut alone. It’s like if it’s there, he can’t forget about it until he’s had it. He’s also a very fast eater and won’t think twice about helping himself to food I’m still eating. I’ve even jokingly threatened to spear his hand with my fork if he keeps doing it! We’ve even been at friends’ houses for a meal and he’ll either start eating first, help himself to seconds before being offered or others have finished.

In view of his health issues, I've tried steering him away from the ultra processed stuff or suggested smaller portions, but I get accused of being controlling and that how is he expected to “survive” on lighter meals. I enjoy food and feel it should be relished and appreciated, not got on board as ASAP.

He’s showing no signs of any cognitive decline before anyone asks, but I could just do with some pointers of kind ways to encourage him to slow down and chill. I would add his mother, when she was alive, was also very similar.

OP posts:
ArielHawksquill · 24/02/2026 14:12

TittyGajillions · 24/02/2026 14:10

Did he grow up poor or have lots of siblings?

He’d have been born in the 1940s or 50s so still in food rationing years

TittyGajillions · 24/02/2026 14:10

Did he grow up poor or have lots of siblings?

ArielHawksquill · 24/02/2026 14:09

he wont be changing now, not in his late 70s. He must have always been like this from what you say, it’s perhaps only recently come to annoy you
he’s an old chap now whereas you are still younger in mindset.
I think I’d let it go & he can do as he likes, as long as he leaves the dinner things in the fridge alone

BMW6 · 24/02/2026 14:07

Well at this stage of his life he's unlikely to change!

I'd just tell him to ask before he helps himself to food in case it's something you need for a meal, or send him to the shop for replacements every time.

He's a greedy selfish pig.