To have said something to ex?

Oliverloverr · 2026-02-24T11:57:40+00:00

So ex see’s our 2 DC every other weekend. The kids have started to get upset due to the length of time between visits to their dads so I raised the issue with him and he said he would get back to me on it. My daughter (9) came home from her dads this weekend really upset and just said she didn’t want to say bye to her dad, why couldn’t he just keep them for an extra few hours? He bought her a gift explaining how much he loved her and told her to hug it when she kissed him (in my opinion it is all bollocks as actions speak louder than words). If he really missed them he would attempt to see them more, he is just a Disney dad.

UkeleleOrchestra · 20/09/2026 13:40

Pick your battles OP. Don’t push on the address thing if it’s not a safety issue. It sounds like the kids are old enough to call you both independently on their phones or iPads? And are there a couple of adults around with both sets of numbers? Like your ex-mother in law and/or BIL/SIL? That’s enough to make sure you’d both be contacted in an emergency.

Your idea of how your ex could see more of your kids isn’t feasible because you’re not amicable enough to negotiate random extra days at short notice. That’s not meant as a criticism of how you’ve behaved or handled his behaviour, it’s just how things are at the moment.

Could you put energy into hammering out this year’s school holiday calendar? Suggest up to 50/50 split. Mark any dates you have already agreed on or you have plans for and then send him the calendar asking him to mark off weeks he is going to have the kids. Give him a time limit of a couple of weeks.

Greenismyfavouritecolournow · 20/09/2026 12:16

He hasn’t told you where he lives because he doesn’t want you to turn up at his house ? Only you know if your behaviour when he left would make him afraid of your actions. If he was female , people would say you have no right to know where she lives.

TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 24/02/2026 17:18

I think there's more to this. You say you were angry and that he had good reason to block you, so what else has gone on that means he doesn't want you to know where he lives?

I'm also not sure what you want- you agree he can't see them in the evening because of his long hours, so would you like him to have every weekend?

HoppityBun · 24/02/2026 17:13

Minimelanie · 24/02/2026 12:28

So you’re the one who said every other weekend then and basically dictated when he’d see them?

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Where do you get that from. It was an agreement that makes sense

Merseymum1980 · 24/02/2026 17:07

Id take him to court ,he would not be taking my children if i didnt know where they actually where and i couldnt phone them

Original poster

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 16:41

themoirarosee · 24/02/2026 13:55

Obviously every situation is different, but my ex was made to communicate with me via a parenting app. So I could block him everywhere else (he can call through the app) due to his abuse of me. He was also made to disclose his address and his girlfriends, because he was leaving the kids with her and not actually having them himself.

He got ripped apart by the judge for not letting me have his address, I wonder if you’d legally be able try your luck with forcing the address and communication issue?

As for having them more unfortunately you can’t force him to parent, even though what he’s currently doing is piss poor and an embarrassment. I would make one last offer of an extra overnight somewhere, he could compress his hours or finish earlier one night a week like the rest of us mums often have to do. And 50% of all the school holidays. If he doesn’t respond then that’s your answer I’m afraid.

Make sure he pays full maintenance.

No I can’t force him, what I am struggling with is the token gifts etc as I think it is making my DD more emotional. Telling them that he misses them etc but not actual doing anything practical about it, it’s just words, they mean nothing.

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themoirarosee · 24/02/2026 13:55

Obviously every situation is different, but my ex was made to communicate with me via a parenting app. So I could block him everywhere else (he can call through the app) due to his abuse of me. He was also made to disclose his address and his girlfriends, because he was leaving the kids with her and not actually having them himself.

He got ripped apart by the judge for not letting me have his address, I wonder if you’d legally be able try your luck with forcing the address and communication issue?

As for having them more unfortunately you can’t force him to parent, even though what he’s currently doing is piss poor and an embarrassment. I would make one last offer of an extra overnight somewhere, he could compress his hours or finish earlier one night a week like the rest of us mums often have to do. And 50% of all the school holidays. If he doesn’t respond then that’s your answer I’m afraid.

Make sure he pays full maintenance.

Original poster

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:34

Well I left him because everything was left to me anyway, and on weekends he would go outwith his friend obviously forming his new relationship ship with the woman he is with now. He said to me once that if I never had any expectations I would never be pissed off! He is a joke

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Happyjoe · 24/02/2026 13:22

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:20

I suppose he would call me in an emergency as I haven’t blocked him.

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Yes, but not the other way around. If something (god forbid) happened to your children, surely he'd want to know? He sounds a little controlling tbh.

Original poster

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:21

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/02/2026 13:17

How do you communicate with him? Is it just face to face when he drops the kids off?

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When my daughter calls him on her tablet I will ask him to call me if I have to discuss something important.

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Original poster

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:20

Happyjoe · 24/02/2026 13:19

Yes, it is very odd and uncomfortable. You could apply to the courts I guess. Wondered if it was ok to ask him to communicate in emergencies via someone else, like his mum?

Anyway, best of luck with everything.

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I suppose he would call me in an emergency as I haven’t blocked him.

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Happyjoe · 24/02/2026 13:19

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:13

Legally I don’t have to know where he lives. Him blocking me I suppose is his choice. It’s all very odd I agree

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Yes, it is very odd and uncomfortable. You could apply to the courts I guess. Wondered if it was ok to ask him to communicate in emergencies via someone else, like his mum?

Anyway, best of luck with everything.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/02/2026 13:17

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:15

in the beginning he probably blocked me for understandable reasons. I was really upset with what he did to us now I would only speak to him if I had to.

How do you communicate with him? Is it just face to face when he drops the kids off?

Original poster

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:15

in the beginning he probably blocked me for understandable reasons. I was really upset with what he did to us now I would only speak to him if I had to.

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Original poster

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:13

Happyjoe · 24/02/2026 13:12

Not sure. I'd get legal advice here if you can.

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Legally I don’t have to know where he lives. Him blocking me I suppose is his choice. It’s all very odd I agree

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Happyjoe · 24/02/2026 13:12

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:11

There isn’t much I can do about that?

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Not sure. I'd get legal advice here if you can.

Original poster

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:11

Happyjoe · 24/02/2026 13:10

Is it ok to let him take the children and you don't know where they are going? That would worry me greatly, esp as he's blocked you. Surely that's not right?

There isn’t much I can do about that?

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Happyjoe · 24/02/2026 13:10

Is it ok to let him take the children and you don't know where they are going? That would worry me greatly, esp as he's blocked you. Surely that's not right?

Original poster

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 13:04

Sartre · 24/02/2026 12:59

Generally parents prefer EOW because it means they both get weekend time with the DC which is important when you’re at work and they’re at school all week. What I will say is he should be using his annual leave to spend substantial time with them in the school holidays and since he lives close, perhaps he could collect them from school more and see them that way.

He finishes work at like 7pm so it is unrealistic. He could have them on another day at another weekend all he has to do is call and ask and I would never say no. I just hate that he says he misses them to them but doesn’t actually do anything about it

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Sartre · 24/02/2026 12:59

Generally parents prefer EOW because it means they both get weekend time with the DC which is important when you’re at work and they’re at school all week. What I will say is he should be using his annual leave to spend substantial time with them in the school holidays and since he lives close, perhaps he could collect them from school more and see them that way.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/02/2026 12:57

Minimelanie · 24/02/2026 12:28

So you’re the one who said every other weekend then and basically dictated when he’d see them?

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She said ‘we’ not ‘I’

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/02/2026 12:54

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 12:16

We have been split now for around 18 months. My point is he could see them more if he really wanted to.

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So he can realistically with his work hours? Will he not consider going back to the 2 days in the week in addition to every other weekend?

Maybeitllneverhappen · 24/02/2026 12:31

I suspect he feels a tiny bit guilty when the kids tell him they miss him, but he doesn't really want to be bothered seeing them more, so makes out it's down to you. Seems a common way to behave for a lot of divorced dads

Minimelanie · 24/02/2026 12:28

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 12:17

He used to see them 2 days in the week but we agreed it would be better for every other weekend as he would get 2 full days with them rather than them being at school

So you’re the one who said every other weekend then and basically dictated when he’d see them?

Original poster

Oliverloverr · 24/02/2026 12:19

Rizzz · 24/02/2026 12:17

He hates you, hates your mother and won't tell you where he lives.

Why?

You say 'for some reason' but you must know, surely?

I mean, he got together with his best friends sister a week after he left so I was understandably angry but he accused me of being a psycho. My mum on the other hand hadn’t said a single word to him since we split

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