15 year-old know it all son

I do think team sports or sport in general can be really helpful here. Once they are in a team, they have to suppress their egos a little bit to work together and get the win. Then there is the discipline and the need to take instruction. Coaches won’t mince their words if they are out of line. The praise they get when they play well will be the best. They become truly knowledgeable about something (their sport) so don’t have to blag and can hone their critical faculties watching/ commenting on the professional game. Developing relationships with other adults, such as coaches or one-to-one tutors (if they have these at his school) can be really beneficial too at this age when they are separating from parents and need to be seen as individuals to be respected in their own right.
It does sound like a defence mechanism and one he’ll grow out of. I’d definitely keep it factual and challenge the bullshit but be kind and gentle too.
Teenage boys can be great fun and v funny. One of y DCs had slight know it all tendencies at that age. She was challenged on the facts when she spouted nonsense and deferred to when she really did know more about a subject. She went down the path of reading tonnes, listening to podcasts casts, watching documentaries and studying hard. She’s now genuinely knowledgeable on lots of subjects and much less likely to assert her opinion.
Keep the discussions round the table going. Even if it drives you nuts, this is how they learn to debate and deal with the opinions of others.

It's normal! Just don't engage when he's like this. Smother him with praise. Use behaviour strategy techniques.
Walk away if he tries to initiate. I havec15 year old and c16 year old I'm a single mum. They do try it on... but rarely. I just wouldn't tolerate that in my house.

Last two posts with advice you have. said were rude. Do you mean rude like your son?

I have 3 brothers and they ALL knew better than everyone else as teens

I dont expect this has been mentioned before on here.

This is what I did.

At a calm time, I told the young person, we are going to play out a scenario.
All very calm.

I told them to go out the door and I will write things on pieces of paper.
Told them to come in when I was ready.

When the person came in, I handed them a piece of paper.
Told them it was August.
And this was the grades I was expecting them to get, the way the person was going.
I did it all very realistically.
I asked the person what they thought.
They were not best pleased.

Then I told them to go out again.
Repeated the episode.
This time I had ready the grades I thought they could achieve if they were sensible going forward.
Asked them what they thought.

It all worked.

TBH he really doesn't sound lovely- being smart and very opinionated are almost mutually exclusive.
I'm not sure what you can say to him that will get through to him.
the only cure for this kind of arrogance is life itself- I'd put my hands up and say "well you know best then, we will see what happens".
Truly you cannot prevent another human being from making a mistake all you can do is try to bring them to a place where they can see it for themselves- I'd hold on tight , don't be critical and hope you can ride it out.

Sounds like my grandson.

Yes I remember getting through to my son who was dropping out and never listening by telling him that exams were like an intelligent game.. the passes were like tokens he could exchange to get to the next level if he chose.. he’s not doing it for you it’s for himself for more choices in the future. Nd he seemed to get that and it stopped him thinking it was a power game between us and him in which he felt he had to rebel. I know it sounds mad but it is a kind of truth.

I called my son 'Google' at the same age, because he knew everything.

Thankfully at 21, he is less of a twat now. 😂

Yes, we had this. During GCSE years, it became a bit unbearable and DS was late diagnosed as high-functioning autistic. Not saying that this is your issue but maybe worth considering if there are any other indicators of odd behaviour that can't be passed off as hormones or cockiness. DS flew under the radar for ages. Did amazingly well at primary school, but things went downhill in high school. He became condescending, unwilling to do any homework, and did the absolute bare minimum for GCSEs but somehow did ok for college. A-Levles are a very different story,and I'm concerned that failing might be the only way to get it through to him that he will need to do some work if he wants to get somewhere. It's tricky though, because he can't concentrate because he's ND. I suspect he might have ADHD too.

“I suggest you encourage your son to pursue a trade if his grades are bad. Also, if he’s arguing about things he has no knowledge of he will completely fail at University as no one will put up with his BS”

This is actually spot on. Up until 2 years ago when I retired I was a Uni Lecturer and taught many an undergraduate like this. Some didn’t do the reading, thought they knew it all (despite little or no life/work experience) and would argue back if they received a poor mark. Consequently they didn’t learn anything because their barriers were too big. That is until they failed an assignment or exam, which focussed their attention wonderfully.
it sounds as though your boy needs a bit of tough love. You don’t want to be paying £9k a year for him to continue messing about.

Hi op, those years can be quite awful for parents. I’ve been through it twice. The one thing that children often struggle with is connection. This is especially so with parents.
I found that giving choices worked really well. If my kids wanted to do something, instead of saying outright no I would say - you need to stay at home and do your studying. It would get answered with a no. I would then explain what life for them would be like if they always did what they wanted to do and what life would be if they thought about their future and what can be achieved.
I told them true life scenarios, such as falling in the wrong crowd, petty crime, police involvement, having a low paid job instead of a career I would let them make up their own mind.
They are learning to become adults and need to make adult choices. When the emotion is taken out of the situation (parents vs child) you may see a different side of your son.

I’m reminded of that old adage which I’ll paraphrase: “when I was a teenager, my parents knew nothing. Now I’ve grown up, it’s amazing how much they’ve learned!” 😁

My dd was exactly the same at that age….and still is at the age of 22 😬.

I got to the point where I just let her do as she wishes because she knew better than anyone else and was far more intelligent than me. I never checked what work she was doing towards GCSE’s or A levels because if I dared to comment I would be reminded of my lack of intelligence. My dd was diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of 4, she struggled hugely socially but was teachers pet. It sounds mean but I can see why no one wanted to be her friend 😬.

Anyways she breezed through GCSE’s, A levels and Uni and is now back home. She is slowly realising that intelligence isn’t everything and that life’s pretty hard. She’s also realising that sometimes she isn’t right.

This is my son (17), I'm pretty sure he's autistic tbh - I have another autistic son who was diagnosed at 22 months, and the 17yo is much 'more' autistic. Funnily enough my husband is very knowledgeable about astrology, space, science etc too and the 17yo often tries to out-knowledge him when he really hasn't got much of a clue. He got humbled a bit during his year 10 mocks when he went from high flying to grade 3's and 4's (got 8's in the end because I staged an intervention) but he'll still argue that black is white and he's VERY affected by online spaces that tap into young boys (incel culture etc). In my experience, lack of empathy drives a lot of this but my sons overriding issue is that he has to WIN at everything, if he doesn't it absolutely kills him, hence he just talks himself up to being billy big bollocks constantly, to overcompensate for the fact that ironically and sadly, he has no social skills, no real friends, no hobbies and is generally the opposite of winning. The only thing I can do is try and engage him in as much conversation as possible and then mediate on his opinions versus the truth in a very gentle but as multi-dimensional as possible way. It's like explaining things to a toddler and it's very consuming tbh.

The old saying about get hold of a teenager while they still know everything! It's very normal for them to challenge their parents, all my friends and family who have teenagers say things just like you, and the older ones say let it just pass, because they are like big toddlers.

Actually the DS who is like this was also like it at 6.5. You’re already conditioned for the hormonal, taller version!

🤣 mine is only 6.5 ATM: do they all get like this?! How will I cope?

OH, the mighty knowledge and experience of the mid teen boy. We all just have to bow to the superiority of this brain.
Luckily mine can be funny too otherwise I would defenestrate him.

Not sure if this is useful but my son is like this. Determinedly his own way since toddlerhood no matter what but very personable much of the time. A nice but difficult person (11 years) who has been diagnosed recently with ADHD. What a relief for the whole family! There is a reason, it makes so much sense and there are multiple treatments. He is also relieved because sometimes he annoys himself too and treatment makes his social life much easier.

I would send an email to the Head of Year, if I were you. If you don’t have their email address, send it to the school’s main email and it’ll be forwarded on. Sounds like he needs a kick up the bum and thinks he’s fine just coasting. You sound like you’re being perfectly reasonable in how you and your husband are talking to him. Not all parents are this supportive. If the HOY knows this, he could be put on report until his conduct and attitude improves, that means the minimum expected, that you don’t just want the quality, but the quantity too. If he finishes easily, has he rushed it, is his handwriting poor? Marks can be taken off for handwriting which obscures an answer. If he finishes easily, then independent study and doing past papers would help. Hormones are nuts at this age so you sound like you’re handling him really well, but there’s honestly not much time left between now and exam time. It must be frustrating to see how smart he is and just not applying himself. If you actually calculate the number of lessons, there isn’t long at all. This is why a lot of schools start GCSEs in Y9.

Hope that helps, OP xx

Is what the school is asking for reasonable/likely to help, and does he need to improve his grades? Or is he in fact doing well despite only doing 1 x 30 min whatever it is per week? I only ask because I had a similar experience but in your DS position. My mum went on and on about how I wasn’t working hard enough or extending myself enough during GCSEs, whether that was based on something the school had suggested or just a standard she’d made up I don’t know, but it was fairly corrosive. I did really well in my GCSEs even if I wasn’t reading Dickens in my spare time or writing an extra bit of coursework for no earthly reason. I think she unfortunately thought the best way to express love at this period was through chivvying, but it just made me feel that I wasn’t good enough.

Obviously if he isn’t doing the required coursework etc this doesn’t apply.

😆😅 I suppose it's possible to be knowledgeable about that sort of nonsense, but what would be the point?

It’s not letting him fail, it’s letting him learn from his mistakes.

He's a spoiled kid and the reason he's dismissing facts coming from parents (the most valued individuals in a humans psyche), could be, is because he lacked attention at earlier stage of his childhood and made do with whatever means were available at his disposal (Internet, TV, school mates and teachers) without having a concept of the difference between facts and spin/ half truths/fuction. Nevertheless living in your house up to the age when he pays rent, bills and food he will listen to everything that his parents teach and advise. Otherwise he's not a law abiding citizen and no court will ever take his side when Parents are fulfilling their duty and he's obstructing them.

I'd take away the telephone, WiFi and TV until he behaves reasonably.

Rake care of yourself, hope this is just a stage.