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AIBU?

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Original poster

What to do when you can't agree on where to live

60 replies

Whoareyou39 · 24/02/2026 09:59

I'd like a modestly sized home, still big enough but with a reasonable mortgage.
I'm willing to be resourceful with space (it isn't that small and is workable). It's still bigger than what we have now.
My husband wants a much bigger home, where the mortgage is a few hundred extra per month, he says he wants as much space as possible and taking on a bigger mortgage is 'what people have to do' .
I'm not asking us to live in a shoebox but I don't want us to be trapped with a high mortgage, higher bills and still needing to pay for repairs and so on. I'm just looking to be slightly more sensible and ensure we're comfortable. We can't agree so I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
DarkForces · 24/02/2026 10:18

Whoareyou39 · 24/02/2026 10:10

I hope we could.

Show quote history

How about instead of looking at cost agree some absolutely critical things to each of you in terms of what you are looking for in a home. Write separate lists and compare and discuss how you see living in a space then see what matches a set of agreed criteria

Original poster
Whoareyou39 · 24/02/2026 10:10

LakieLady · 24/02/2026 10:09

Can you not find a compromise somewehere between the two?

I hope we could.

OP posts:
LakieLady · 24/02/2026 10:09

Can you not find a compromise somewehere between the two?

Original poster
Whoareyou39 · 24/02/2026 10:08

It would be £200 each. I earn in the mid 30s, but that £200 could go on overpaying, savings, repairs, holidays and so on. I don't personally feel the space is an issue, but looks like I'll have to just accept it.

OP posts:
TiredCatLady · 24/02/2026 10:07

What does £400/month correspond to as a portion of your joint income?

Original poster
Whoareyou39 · 24/02/2026 10:04

If our income increases then fine but it's just a personality difference. I don't want to be counting every penny and struggling just to keep up with the joneses. I am more modest, even he says it. I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
DarkForces · 24/02/2026 10:04

I completely agree with you. I'd much prefer a manageable home with lower mortgage and bills. I want to live in a space that doesn't stress my out and supports my lifestyle rather than a bigger building where I'm working just to keep things stable. I'd rather be able to have some fun money and savings for a rainy day. I try to keep it so we can pay the essential bills on one person's wage just in case our circumstances change.

reabies · 24/02/2026 10:03

Have you done the exact sums/working out on both scenarios? In terms of all your outgoings vs income and how much disposable you would have left each month once essentials are covered? How much tighter does the bigger house make things?

Have you savings if needed, so that if you have a bigger mortgage and bills but something unexpected came up (boiler, car write off, tree fell onto your roof etc) you could cover it? If not, and you went for the bigger house, would you be able to create some savings or would all money now go on the mortgage?

Original poster
Whoareyou39 · 24/02/2026 10:03

£400 extra per month, we don't necessarily need all the space, it's a nice to have but just means higher bills and more cleaning (usually me)

OP posts:
kel7f6g · 24/02/2026 10:02

I think we really need to understand the context better to be able to comment. A lot of extra space for just a few hundred doesn’t sound unreasonable to me, but I think we need know how much of a jump you’re talking in terms of space and money, and the level of impact that would have on your lifestyle (again in terms of space and money)

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