To wonder if raising children is worth it?

I've never felt any hint of the 'broody urge', it sounds completely alien. Seems a few other posters here are the same. Maybe we have a faulty gene?

Why hasn't it been studied at all? Or even have a name? Surely scientists could do blood tests and identify the hormone.

I reckon some madly-broody women would like to get rid of it, and some confused "what's all the fuss about?" childfree women would give it a try.

My youngest of 3 is 18 next month, eldest 32, so i’ve been at this most of my life (am 49!). Obviously there have been hard times, but on the whole it’s been a privilege raising kids. Mine have turned out ok, teens years were the easiest of all, so doesn’t all go to shit. I certainly had days I regretted it though. But it did get easier for me the older they got.

@ImpatientlyWaitingForSummer
I meant to add, of all the parents in the world this thread is a very minuscule sample size. It’s hardly representative of most parents.

You are at the very, very worst stage. It will get easier and easier, especially once the baby is three or four.

It is common sense to realise that just because other people struggle that doesn’t mean you will too. People are obviously in all sorts of different circumstances.

Don’t be depressed, if you indeed are depressed and are not just claiming to be because you want to make people feel bad or because you think it makes you look like a good person.

Ages three and one are absolutely brutal in a way that’s difficult to explain to anyone who hasn’t got that combination. Apart from anything else, disturbed nights and days with constant endless clamouring can break you down very quickly.

I was a very good parent. I took my baby / toddler DS on nature walks; toddler groups, swimming, library rhyme time, read to him, showed him the world. I found it hard (ds was a habitual 5 am riser) and tiring and sometimes boring but I didn’t let on and anyway I knew it would get easier. And I did notice a big seismic shift in him around two and a half: he became more independent and less needy and he started sleeping a bit later in the morning when he dropped his nap and he became a bit more rational (only a bit, mind.) And then I had DD.

Regret doesn’t mean you look at your child and wish they didn’t exist. It’s more a grief for your old life, a worry you’re getting it all horribly wrong, a desire to do your best by them but they often have conflicting needs, stress and loneliness and boredom combined with business. It’s a strange time.

I always thought I was very resilient but three and one nearly broke me and I cannot understand it at all when I see these memes of elderly people claiming to want to go back to that time!

It wasn’t something i have enjoyed so far so I’ve only had one. My partner started talking about fostering yesterday and I was just…….. 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

I love my DD though so I’m sure it could have been much worse. She’s great.

You’ve thrown in “common sense” when this has nothing to do with my comment, I agreed with the comment made because as a new parent just over two years in, it does feel depressing to see how many parents regret having their children and it’s quite a natural reaction to have a flicker of worry that perhaps this is how the majority of people feel. It’s an instinctive, human reaction to reading multiple comments on a forum about parenting. It’s not hard to understand this, I don’t think

Ours are mid-older teens now and we wouldn’t be without them would happily do it all again

They love each other

Watching them grow, still grow, is a privilege- they owe us nothing

When they were babies/toddlers you were their whole world, no one ever will love you with their utterly cute dependency

As they enter school meet friends have parties learn to read chose their interests - you can see you bits and dad bits and this unique combination

Taking them places and listening to them and how they view the world around them

And at present they are teens, we have great conversations, board games, they introduce to new culture - they bring friends round - a lot of- who are also all fun - the house is noisy, full of life, chatter, food and fun and much love.

They have part time jobs, volunteer with a variety of generations, know how to behave in a variety of settings

Parenthood has contributed to our lives continually being full of other people, new ideas and just the best reason to go places, cook new food, read different books, play different games, go and watch sports we wouldn’t have chose to.

Not all of it is easy. There are many stressful and heartbreaking days, but there would be without them, after those we have never emerged less, frazzled sometimes, less no.

Every sleepless night when they were ill were worth the tiny hand holding yours feeling safe as they walked down the road

Every wet morning at the side of a field is worth the cheers from scoring a goal

Every teenage bicker is worth the gossip from lunchtimes

They make us belly laugh almost everyday some days we don’t stop. It’s an amazing ride and long may it continue. It’s more than worth it.

Maybe it’s down to the personality of the child. I love being a parent

It's likely social and economic resources - more support and access to resources you have easier it is - like most things in life I guess.

Those ages are brutal. Mine are now 7 and 11 and motherhood is delightful. I'm sure it'll get hard again in the teens, but this period is fantastic.

They were both hardest thing we ever did and most joyful.

When they were little though despite having velcro babies and later ND diagnosis - it wasn't that that made it hard it was all the external stuff.

It was job insecurity - I ended up leaving work for longer than expected - DH had unexpectealy multiple job changes with young kids - money was tighter than expected lots went unforsseably wrong and extend family suddenly got supper demanding but no actual support - and got everyone loved to tell us what we were doing wrong.

Then they started school started to struggle and the additional support needed - HW and support school no longer offered - was a huge shock and certainly not what our parents were expected to do.

Our never went off the rails - despite dire predcitions on here -though all had their moments.

Since then it's only got more expensive to have kids and more demands on parents - it's too much and I'm really not surpised fewer are taking the plunge very year.

If we were starting now - would have them later and fewer of them maybe even just one and that from a couple who really wanted kids and wanted them as early as possible when we were stable.

Of course it’s not down to the personality of the child.
There are many, many things that can happen that can make the experience of parenting difficult.
They may not happen or be apparent til someone has had more than one, obviously.

Baby/toddler stage is tough. They need help with everything and are unreasonable.
Mine are now 3 and 5 and play together so nicely (most of the time). Everyones out of nappies and sleeping through the night.

I love seeing their personalities develop and seeing the world through their eyes. It is not all plain sailing though, we have illness etc where everyone becones demanding again!

Have you got any respite from the older one being at nursery some mornings? A couple of regular baby groups with the little one? Is very challenging managing two little ones all day every day.

Mine are lovely now they are grown and I am so proud of who they all are, but it’s been a hard slog of 28 years of hard work, misery and trauma(for me, not them, they had a lovely stable childhood that they all seem quite happy with!). I love them all dearly, but it’s been exhausting. School refusal, special needs, losing one of them to their dad as he had more money than me so was more ‘fun’, then they came back again, two of them then moved long long distances away…it’s been 28 years of heartbreak.
Not sure id put myself through it again, as much as I adore them. And don’t even get me started on step parenting, that’s even more thankless!

I think it's different for everyone.

Some parents end up regretting it and feeling that it wasn't worth it.

For me, it is quite simply the best thing I've ever done - and if I say so myself, I've done some pretty cool stuff!

My dd is a young adult now, and she brings me more light and joy than anything or anyone else on the planet. There is literally nothing that I wouldn't give up in order to continue having her in my life.

Maybe it’s down to the personality of the child. I love being a parent. Never thought I would so much but it is literally the best, most satisfying thing I have ever done. I have never loved anyone as much as my child. It makes me feel like my life is worth living. But my DC is my absolute favourite person and I love doing the kids stuff with them, and just generally having fun with them.

I completely get why some people struggle in some circumstances but why have more than 1 then?

Sometimes having a child doesn’t turn out the way you hoped. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person.

Also- to add to my earlier comment- a lot
of other mums I know have loads of help from grandparents etc. We never have (too old/sick/dead…) and that makes such a difference to how easy you find it.

Use your common sense. Some people are going to struggle while others find it relatively easy. It’s not a universal experience.

I guess everyones experience is different.

Having my DD's is the best thing I have ever done in my life and I have never once regretted being a Mum.

They are now adults and my favourite people in the world. I adore them, love their company and we have great relationships. My life is absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, much better because of them.

So, yes, for me, having and raising my children, has absolutely been worth it.

I feel a bit like this too. There’s not enough amazing bits in it for me - I’d say I probably get 15/20 minutes a week of ‘joyful moments’. The rest is mostly crappy, and I hate what having a baby has done to my body and my marriage. I was genuinely happier before although I’ll admit I lacked purpose as a young person. I still lack purpose now, difference is I have no time to think about it or any choice but to continue! I’ve stuck at one. I honestly don’t understand why people have 2… I feel im obviously missing something as some women are so positive about being mothers.

I have 2 ND children, I can honestly say the baby/toddler years were the easiest for our family. My DD is 10 and she slept better as a newborn than she does now. Life is a struggle, but not for a single moment have I ever regretted either of my dc. The are both the absolute loves of my life. I know 1000% that Dh feels the same way. If I'm being honest, I do sometimes feel sad at the way things have turned out. I'm sometimes envious of other families, who don't have the difficulties that we do. I think before starting a family you have an image in your head that just isn't reality.

I'm just out of the stage you are in... I know it doesn't help now, but it gets better... And easier...and more fun...and more rewarding. For us it did anyway.
Mine are now 3 and 5.5 and it can still be hard some days but my god, it's so much better than even 6 months ago. I didn't like having babies and irrational toddlers 😅 sure they're cute and I enjoyed breastfeeding, but sleepless nights, teething, illness, not being able to tell me what's wrong, it was too stressful and overwhelming.

I'm a much better person now I'm sleeping and my children can say "my tummy hurts", "my ear hurts" etc. and I enjoy them so much more now. We've just baked some muffins and are now watching some TV and planning to play pairs after... Way better than last year trying to make sure the youngest didn't catapult himself across the room