I want to caveat this by saying my PIL (particularly MIL) are the dream in-laws. We get on well. They love our children (who in turn adore them) and they treat us all well.
We are local, see them multiple times a week as they do some childcare (which is entirely their choice) and we all rub along nicely and have done so for 20 years.
Our two DS (13 & 8) have ASD - the older is more able and educationally at expected levels, very outgoing and very personable. The youngest is non-verbal and like a rhino mixed with a wrecking ball. He is joyful and lovely and we all adore him but he is Hard Work.
Ok - the issue,
MIL is 80 next year and wants to take us all away. The type of holiday she likes will be a nightmare for us. They like walks, sightseeing, churches, museums etc. Older DS would love this. Younger would get zero out of this and be very difficult to manage. They like period properties with lovely surroundings. Absolute nightmare for the baby rhino to smash and use as a ball.
DH told her that it’s not something we can do and she is upset. Because we had a successful holiday abroad last year (our first one) she thinks it’s all systems go. Our holiday last year was to Ibiza to an AI which served beige food for the kids and had modern minimalist rooms, lots of pools and very few items that could be destroyed by DSR (Dear Son Rhino).
I have told her I’m perfectly happy for everyone else to go and I’ll stay with DSR but she doesn’t want that.
But we cannot do what she wants.
We’ve had long weekends with them and it’s been utterly hell because they book, we turn up to find there’s no WiFi, the kitchen is open plan so DSR is impossible to contain, the bedrooms are far apart so we need to have awkward sleeping arrangements, the house is unsafe (cellars and attics etc) so we are just run ragged but then they get to take him to the playground for an hour each day so think it’s a break for everyone and it’s not.
AIBU here? I don’t think I am but she’s so upset I’m open to hearing other viewpoints.
I’m on the verge of just saying a blanket ‘no’ as I know we won’t find something suitable and trying will cause more discord.