18 year old dd will not let me attend A-level parents' evening

I hope you go to show her she can’t rule you. I would be very concerned and would want to know why. If you give in then you’ll only have yourself to blame if she comes back with you not attending in the future. Good luck. I hope it all turns out well for you.

I'd be telling her to stop talking nonsense, the reason there's a Parents Evening is because the school and the teachers want to communicate with the parents of their pupils. And yes, other pupil's parents will be going and teachers will be doing appointments.

And then I'd tell her she either makes the appointments or I'd be phoning up the school and explaining the issue to them and getting them to make the appointments instead.

No ifs, no buts, she makes the appointments or I'll be taking the matter into my own hands.

[She] "Says she's 18, an adult and it is pointless."
An adult? Then why is she behaving like a tantrumming toddler? Yes, I would say that to her.

Surely if she doesn’t give you permission to go/be there, at her age are the school allowed to discuss anything specifically without permission?
My parents didn’t attend any parents evenings for me after I left secondary school and headed college, but I’m aware that I’m middle-aged and things change!
it does just seem a bit odd that there would be parents evenings for 18 year olds, many of them head off to uni etc around that age and won’t have parents on hand.
I wouldn’t go if she doesn’t want you there but equally I wouldn’t pay her car insurance if she was disrespectful and rude to me.
She can’t have it both ways… if she wants to be adult enough not to have your input, then she can be adult enough to pay her way and watch her attitude.

18 year olds at school are adults but the school is still responsible for them. It's not quite as clear cut as they turn 18 and parents are cut out of the loop.

I would suggest you book the appointments and she goes (alone).

Some of my students do this. Some bring an older sibling - those are often the best appointments!

They are HER A-levels. If she won't go then you should though (or her dad?)

You absolutely cannot discuss the behaviour of an 18 year old adult with their parent IF they have explicitly said not to. I'm an ex sixth form teacher.

Edit to add - We did not advertise this to students though as it was a pain not being able to communicate with parents!

If she lives under your roof and doesn't pay rent or anything else then she still lives under your rules. As a parent I always attended parents' evenings but in the sixth form mind went to FE college but they still got reports online. As a teacher I often find A level students the worst at doing their work. For every hour lesson she should be doing at leadt another hour on top but they rsrely do. Parents DO attend the parents' evening. I think she's lying.

My mum would have called school and made an appointment and gone. She would have given short shrift to my tantrum.

Honestly? That's what I think you should do. Yes she's an adult. But she's also still your child, living under your roof, presumably expecting some form of support and comfort?

Most sensible post I’ve read so far!

"you as a student elected to study and probably paid your own tuition. She is at school as a pupil on the taxpayers money and being supported by parents."

I don't think this distinction is correct. I didn't pay tuition fees at university. I was supported by taxpayers and my parents, but I was most definitely a student and not a pupil. At school, we were mainly called pupils, but our headteacher said we were students in sixth form.

Has she applied for uni?

Yes, I agree. If she were in college and not school, she'd be treated like an adult, wouldn't she?

You didn't have to, though. The school were incorrect to ask you to.

She isn't actually a child, though.

I think stern chat about her future and that you will stop paying for the insurance unless she starts to treat you with respect. If she is struggling in school I suggest trying to help her rather than getting cross. My son was failing all his GCSEs at muck level but pulled his socks up.

I'm with the 18 year old on this specific point - they shouldn't be holding parents' evenings. At the very least the college should rebrand them as feedback sessions to which students are invited to bring family members.

Better to leave the academics alone - it's her problem if she fails and save arguments for issues that impact other people.

That's the difference between a student and a pupil though. You as a student elected to study and probably paid your own tuition. She is at school as a pupil on the taxpayers money and being supported by parents.
IKWYM though. It did seem funny that I had to sign a permission slip for my 18 year old to go to the school ball when he was old enough to buy alcohol in a pub.

If this is a parent/teacher meeting the title says it all. We attended all our two sons' Y13 parents' meetings even though one of them turned 18 in the November. As someone else has suggested, your daughter though 18 is still your dependent and part of your role as her parent is to support her through this stage of her life. I doubt that no other parents will attend - I'd say it would be unusual for no parents to attend. Good luck!

All teenagers hate their parents, I know I did and knew when I had children, they would equally feel embarrassed, as I was of mine. You are in that stage when she is an adult with her training wheels still on. She is not an adult but you are. If you go, so what if she is embarrassed. Teens are always embarrassed, that's why they are teenagers. If you don't go, she gets her way, but it also could show that you don't care enough to be there. Because kids at that age are a push me pull you.
It is a choice.
If it was me I'd go, it's her education her future, yes. But she is still a child. They are all know it alls, just as all teens are. And I was. The fact is they don't know it all and only age teaches you that.

Can't see what's so overbearing and controlling about me. What's so wrong in attending a parent's evening? My kids all still love me very much. They didn't get into Oxbridge but all have achieved A/A*s at A-level and went to fab unis.

I supported and encouraged my children a lot and (when necessary) corrected them when they were going on the wrong pathway. They are all very bright children and are/will go on to do great things.

What you don’t seem to understand at all, with all your posts that reveal you to be a controlling and overbearing parent, is that not all parental involvement is positive. Parents who treat their 18 year olds like children and put unbearable pressure on them are just going to end up with anxious kids with low self/esteem. They are also going to end up ruining their relationship with them and driving them away. The resentment that builds up in the child is going to be huge. But as long as they get into Oxbridge, I guess it’s worth it right??

I went through school with being told I “wasn’t applying myself, was lazy, maybe the subject just wasn’t for me” and my parents being permanently disappointed in me. It made me think fuck it, I don’t care anymore. When I went to college at 16 they no longer took any interest in my education and I flourished without the constant pressure and criticism. Got all As in A Levels. I’d never have done so well if I was constantly being told I wasn’t good enough. I needed to learn in my own way not the way my parents thought I “should” learn because I was becoming my own (adult) person

Every school in my area uses the arbor app to share student behaviour, attendance and grades. No idea re legality but thankfully dd is very open with me.

Contracts aren't legal if they signed before 18. The fact that the school does this just demonstrates they don't know much about data protection.

I teach sixth form. Lots of parents come but not as many as at secondary, I'd say. My daughter is the same age as yours and I'm not invited to her parents' evening, I guess because her attendance isn't an issue. However, I would be happy if you came to see me if I were your daughter's teacher, in order to see what I could do to support her. That said, I can also understand that she is 18 and there has to be a time when kids make their own decisions and, sometimes, mistakes.

FWIW, I had just turned 18 when I left home and went to uni and I would have been horrified if my parents had tried to get involved in my life then so I do kind of understand how she feels. If I were you, I'd try to persuade her to book the appointment but I'd probably leave it eventually if it didn't work.

I have an app that tells me every grade dd gets (sometimes before she gets it). It’s part of what they agree to when they sign up to the school.