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Original poster

I know I’m being unreasonable but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting

44 replies

Givenup2026 · 23/02/2026 16:34

So I have basically no relationship with my SIL. It’s a mix of neither of putting any effort, and that she’s made a couple of comments about how we spend our money.

It’s not exclusive to me either, she barely talks to her own brother.

However, the other day she wrote a big post about congratulating her “great friend “ (my DHs ex) on her birthday.

I know they were once close, but I also know they don’t really see each other anymore (as per my DSC).

I know she has every single right to do it, but it definitely felt a bit “tactless” from my POV, but I also know I genuinely have no reason to complain.

OP posts:
Original poster
Givenup2026 · 23/02/2026 16:55

Createausername1970 · 23/02/2026 16:48

I am guessing she liked the ex and got on well with her. I have been in that same situation, and it's awkward to then see someone else at family gatherings instead of the person I got on very well with. I did feel very conflicted about being disloyal to her but not wanting to make things difficult for the new person.

Plus she might know certain facts about the reason for the break up which do not put her brother in a good light, hence she is keeping her distance from both of you in case your relationship goes the same way.

I think that’s very accurate. From what I know, she was never close to her brother, but his ex made an effort and they became proper friends.

The ex on the other hand, distanced herself from my SIL when they divorced. I know they really don’t see each other apart from dropping presents around Christmas, and I know she wasn’t invited to her wedding.

I’ve been longer with my DH than he was with his ex.

OP posts:
Happyjoe · 23/02/2026 16:54

Just live your own life, forget what others are doing, it's just 'noise'. Be happy!

365RubyRed · 23/02/2026 16:52

You are giving someone you don't care about, too much headspace. Block her on facebook and get on with having a good life.

FetchezLaVache · 23/02/2026 16:52

Iamsotiredandfedup · 23/02/2026 16:40

Fuck me what a leap 😂

OP you know her and you’ll know if she’s done this to be a dick (the cynic in me would think this) ignore her and let her crack on with it. I would also mute her if you need to keep her on social media

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I think the poster was parodying MN reductio ad absurdum. :)

BillieWiper · 23/02/2026 16:50

Givenup2026 · 23/02/2026 16:42

I’ve only seen her a handful of times in 8 years with my DH. But I genuinely didn’t like when she once told us that we were wasting our money with my car. Seemed too nosey.

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Please just forget this minutiae about what she said or thinks about anything you do. If she's too nosy stop thinking about her. You don't need to like everyone but obsessing over people you dislike is going to lead to a world of pointless pain and anguish.

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 23/02/2026 16:50

Givenup2026 · 23/02/2026 16:42

I’ve only seen her a handful of times in 8 years with my DH. But I genuinely didn’t like when she once told us that we were wasting our money with my car. Seemed too nosey.

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So is she a Facebook/instragram friend?

Createausername1970 · 23/02/2026 16:48

I am guessing she liked the ex and got on well with her. I have been in that same situation, and it's awkward to then see someone else at family gatherings instead of the person I got on very well with. I did feel very conflicted about being disloyal to her but not wanting to make things difficult for the new person.

Plus she might know certain facts about the reason for the break up which do not put her brother in a good light, hence she is keeping her distance from both of you in case your relationship goes the same way.

Original poster
Givenup2026 · 23/02/2026 16:42

BillieWiper · 23/02/2026 16:39

Yeah it's odd for you to care that she wished her friend happy birthday. Why don't you just stop looking at her SM.

If that's the worst thing she's done then frankly I don't know why you dislike her so much. But you're not friends so don't have any contact or concern for her and her friends birthdays.

I’ve only seen her a handful of times in 8 years with my DH. But I genuinely didn’t like when she once told us that we were wasting our money with my car. Seemed too nosey.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 23/02/2026 16:41

UnhappyHobbit · 23/02/2026 16:39

I actually don’t think you’re being unreasonable. She clearly is still in the camp of your DHs ex. Yes they may be friends, but she’s clearly not made effort with you and maybe this is the reason why. This would wind me up too!

Don be ridiculous - you don’t have to cut off good friends because they no longer date the person you met them through!

She’s not still “in the camp of DH’s ex” for wishing a friend of hers happy birthday on Facebook….?

Iamsotiredandfedup · 23/02/2026 16:40

noidea69 · 23/02/2026 16:38

Your husband is clearly still sleeping with his ex, SIL knows this, ditch him immediately.

or perhaps maybe just shrug your shoulders at someone you dont like wishing someone happy birthday.

Fuck me what a leap 😂

OP you know her and you’ll know if she’s done this to be a dick (the cynic in me would think this) ignore her and let her crack on with it. I would also mute her if you need to keep her on social media

UnhappyHobbit · 23/02/2026 16:39

I actually don’t think you’re being unreasonable. She clearly is still in the camp of your DHs ex. Yes they may be friends, but she’s clearly not made effort with you and maybe this is the reason why. This would wind me up too!

noidea69 · 23/02/2026 16:39

Givenup2026 · 23/02/2026 16:38

It just came up on my feed! I didn’t actively look for it.

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unfollow the SIL and the ex on facebook.

BillieWiper · 23/02/2026 16:39

Yeah it's odd for you to care that she wished her friend happy birthday. Why don't you just stop looking at her SM.

If that's the worst thing she's done then frankly I don't know why you dislike her so much. But you're not friends so don't have any contact or concern for her and her friends birthdays.

CoffeePleaseBlack · 23/02/2026 16:38

Unfollow her Facebook.

noidea69 · 23/02/2026 16:38

Your husband is clearly still sleeping with his ex, SIL knows this, ditch him immediately.

or perhaps maybe just shrug your shoulders at someone you dont like wishing someone happy birthday.

Original poster
Givenup2026 · 23/02/2026 16:38

Nofeckingway · 23/02/2026 16:37

Don't look at her FB . It will only annoy you .

It just came up on my feed! I didn’t actively look for it.

OP posts:
Nofeckingway · 23/02/2026 16:37

Don't look at her FB . It will only annoy you .

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 23/02/2026 16:36

You know you’re being unreasonable, try not to think about it.

FreshInks · 23/02/2026 16:36

She’s allowed to wish her friend a happy birthday.

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