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AIBU?

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Original poster

To end things over a diet?

320 replies

BitOfFun2026 · 23/02/2026 12:57

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

OP posts:
plsdontlookatme · 23/02/2026 16:16

As a fit, lean woman I find any kind of weight-shaming a dealbreaker. Yes, everyone's allowed their preferences, and mine is to not bother with anyone who thinks being a size 16 is a dealbreaker

NotSmallButFunSize · 23/02/2026 16:16

God - boring!

I like to eat healthy food and I exercise regularly but I couldn't bear a boyfriend who was like this. What are people doing it for? I can't believe it's for actual health, all this cutting and bulking shit people do just seems like pointless vanity tbh.

I have a friend on some weird version of FODMAP - it's gone way beyond that now and it's just boring to hear about what she "can't" eat. Let's just go out for breakfast ffs and have a nice time!

Pistachiocake · 23/02/2026 16:14

Some people have to be on a fixed diet for medical reasons, so I'd be flexible, unless he is pressurising you to do something. I would be ok about a partner asking me not to eat/have in something that he is deadly allergic to, but if he just chooses to follow a diet, that's his call, but I wouldn't let him dictate my meals, if it's only a choice.

momtoboys · 23/02/2026 16:14

He is tiresome and not worth the effort.

KeepOffTheQuinoa · 23/02/2026 16:11

scottishgirl69 · 23/02/2026 16:04

I get your points but they weren't having a light home made Thai curry - they were going out to eat or having a takeaway

Show quote history

"I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway "

Ambiguous - I took it to mean that either the OP cooking or going out could be Thai. In any case, presumably with his diet consciousness / thinking Thai could be light, she wasn't planning on cooking stew with dumplings with a side of cheesy mash followed by sticky toffee pud and double cream,

Livpool · 23/02/2026 16:07

He sounds like a diet wanker - definitely dump

scottishgirl69 · 23/02/2026 16:04

KeepOffTheQuinoa · 23/02/2026 15:48

Eating together, enjoying a meal together, is normal social activity - and you can still do that on a 'diet', so his prioritising his weight in such obsessive detail would be a big turn off for me. You'll never be able to nip to the pub or have an ice cream on a Summer walk without an audit of his weight and macros.

Plus - no way would I want a weekend with a boyfriend / partner judged against his weight to decide whether it was 'worth it' or not.

Basically he has assessed the pleasure of spending time and meals with you over the previous weekend and judged it 'worth it' - but the upcoming weekend is not 'worth it' - to have a light home made Thai curry (just eat less rice, FGS!) .

Boring, self obsessed, food and diet and body obsessed.

I get your points but they weren't having a light home made Thai curry - they were going out to eat or having a takeaway

Catsarenottheonlypets · 23/02/2026 15:59

You both come across as very mixed up people

SunshineMel678 · 23/02/2026 15:57

You want something casual and fun. He doesn't bring that to the table, does he?

KeepOffTheQuinoa · 23/02/2026 15:48

Eating together, enjoying a meal together, is normal social activity - and you can still do that on a 'diet', so his prioritising his weight in such obsessive detail would be a big turn off for me. You'll never be able to nip to the pub or have an ice cream on a Summer walk without an audit of his weight and macros.

Plus - no way would I want a weekend with a boyfriend / partner judged against his weight to decide whether it was 'worth it' or not.

Basically he has assessed the pleasure of spending time and meals with you over the previous weekend and judged it 'worth it' - but the upcoming weekend is not 'worth it' - to have a light home made Thai curry (just eat less rice, FGS!) .

Boring, self obsessed, food and diet and body obsessed.

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 23/02/2026 15:44

It's entirely possible that he has an eating disorder. You don't sound compatible.

BernardButlersBra · 23/02/2026 15:42

The more l hear about him, then the more l say end it. He sounds very tedious. I wouldn’t be running my life around someone else’s “big” leg workout. I don’t even do that for myself! It all sounds too much like hard work

purplecorkheart · 23/02/2026 15:41

Is this a recent diet or was he like this before. I have a friend who goes totally overboard about her diet when she starts one. After a few weeks she goes back to normal.

Namechange568899542 · 23/02/2026 15:38

Oh, he’s one of those gym bods who bleat on about their rigid fitness and diet lifestyle constantly as if it is inspiring or makes them superior but does in fact just have an eating disorder. Avoid.

outofsounds · 23/02/2026 15:27

He sounds horrendous.

Heisminenothers · 23/02/2026 15:24

Why not speak to him about it and say that you don’t need to hear about it all the time? You can always finish things if it doesn’t change but give him a chance to adapt first.

Ihatetomatoes · 23/02/2026 15:21

tryingtobesogood · 23/02/2026 13:00

I suspect he will be a diet bore and eating out will turn into a pain in the bum. I couldn’t be bothered myself.

is the sex worth the sanctimonious comments?

Edited

This.

Boring.

Moonlightfrog · 23/02/2026 15:20

I would have replied with something like “that’s ok, don’t bother coming over, I will enjoy my take away on my own…….PS, enjoy your lettuce and protein shake“.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 23/02/2026 15:20

That would be off-putting to me. DH was always on the solid side and we both enjoyed eating out and a nice glass of wine, still do. I was very slender when we met and very careful but still enjoyed my food. I wouldn't be attracted to someone who didn't feel the same - so I wouldn't be attracted to someone who was at either extreme of being a glutton or orthorexic.

Heartbreaksally · 23/02/2026 15:19

I don't think theres anything wrong or unhealthy with where he's at, but its ok for it not to be compatible with where you're at. Nor is there anything wrong or unhealthy with where you're at. You just dont match lifestyle wise at the minute and that's ok. Incompatibility doesn't automatically equal negative connotations of the other person all the time. Think some posters are being overly harsh on him.

TorroFerney · 23/02/2026 15:17

2026Y · 23/02/2026 13:19

He could easily manage this in a different way - he could say; "why don't I cook for both of us at your house?" and then cook something healthy and delicious. His lack of inclination to be flexible or make compromises would put me off big time.

agree. I’m mental about my weight if I’m heavier than I want to be but I know that’s my issue. All those things he said were very much inner voice words not to be said out loud.

SatsumaDog · 23/02/2026 15:16

It sounds as if he lives a fairly regimented lifestyle in terms of diet and exercise. Nothing wrong with that, I do too, but it does make frequent eating out problematic. Even if you do track what you are eating in terms of macros on the menu, it’s wildly inaccurate. Not an issue if you’re eating out occasionally, but can become one if doing so regularly.

It wouldn’t bother me, but if socialising around food is something that’s important to you and it’s already an irritation, you probably aren’t very compatible. It’s not a big deal, just a mismatch.

scottishgirl69 · 23/02/2026 15:14

BitOfFun2026 · 23/02/2026 15:10

@scottishgirl69 You seem to be getting muddled up - it's 90 minutes away he lives, he's meant to see me Saturday, not tonight. And yes, he paid for the hotel but that's his offer and his choice - I was already out in that city during the day with friends. If you read my OP you'll see why we didn't work out the first time around, he absolutely wasn't like this before.

Yes I saw your post where you said it was 90 minutes away. When you said he was driving down to stay overnight I thought you meant tonight for some reason

I personally think the distance is a bigger issue than his eating habits

ranchdressing · 23/02/2026 15:12

Let's stop lowering our standards for the most average men! Cancel!

Womaninhouse17 · 23/02/2026 15:12

It sounds like he'd be very boring and inflexible about diet.

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