Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To end things over a diet?

320 replies

BitOfFun2026 · 23/02/2026 12:57

Let me preface by saying that I'm currently a little bit heaver than I'd like to be, although still a size 8 and BMI 22 - hysterectomy in August last year means my metabolism has almost come to a stop and work has been incredibly intense lately which means I've struggled to find time to exercise.

Recently connected with an ex from years ago (nothing serious and it fizzled out when I moved back home from where I was living) - both now single. I've told him I don't want anything too serious (put off by a recent experience) but nor do I want just a FWB - might be asking for too much but in an ideal world I'd like to see someone maybe once a week, have dates either out or at home, and yes some physical connection. Also he lives and works 90 mins away from me now so weekdays etc. would be out of the question.

Met him Saturday night and he paid for a hotel halfway. We went out for a few drinks, a meal, and then had a proper breakfast in the hotel the next morning. He did mention a few times about how he's really into diet and fitness but it's not my bag at all apart from necessity, and it felt like it was veering towards lecture territory about my current habits. There was a comment he made about not wanting to date a different woman because she's a size 16, a bit rude I thought but everyone is allowed preferences.

He's supposed to be driving down to stay overnight so I asked him if he wanted me to cook, or maybe we could go out for something (I suggested Thai as can be fairly light/healthy) or get a takeaway - I always get one pay day weekend. His response....

"I really need to be good [my name]. I'm 80.1KG his morning and I've only been 79kg for months, in fact I've not hit 80 for over a year when I did a big bulk haha. it's mostly water though but still, the weekend set me back over a weeks work but I'd say it was worth it. When you diet you really need to keep on track because you can fluff it super fast. I'll eat before I come x"

I feel I'd be unreasonable to break it off because he's on the rigid diet, but on the other hand I think a lot of date type activities involve eating/drinking. The fact he's so militant is really putting me off. Do I throw this one back and if so, any advice on what exactly I should say....?

OP posts:
BitOfFun2026 · 25/02/2026 09:28

@Frangardens actually he has absolutely no idea other than I've said I'd like to cut down on the amount of alcohol I drink. We've only been back in touch for a couple of weeks and have seen each other than night only.

OP posts:
BitOfFun2026 · 25/02/2026 09:24

@Missj25

I haven't said he drank 'much more than me' at any point. We had the same number when out, but I then remembered he was drinking prosecco (we got a free bottle) in the bar while I got changed - not lots of drinks and waiting hours.

I had been out with friends in the afternoon but hadn't been drinking as knew I would be on the afternoon - that event was booked for months which is why he booked a hotel as it's in a place that's halfway.

I haven't once said the takeaway was left over from the night before - your reading comprehension is off somewhere.

Genuine question - why the fuck would I make up something like this? Seriously? Also yes I had a hysterectomy - what's that got to do with anything? Sounds like YOU need a hobby that's not advance searching and picking people apart on MN

OP posts:
Missj25 · 25/02/2026 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GoneBackToTheWorld · 25/02/2026 09:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ThatCyanCat · 25/02/2026 09:10

BitOfFun2026 · 25/02/2026 08:34

Yes I did put a thread up yesterday around me feeling I have a problem with drinking. HOWEVER that is absolutely nothing to do with the advice I've asked for on this situation. We had the same number of drinks each Saturday night whilst out (4 cocktails) - he actually drank more overall as he had one in the bar while I was getting ready. The issues I've identified are when I am at home alone, I wouldn't even be drinking if he was coming here.

The fact I've separately asked for support to cut down/stop drinking is neither here nor there and doesn't mean 'there's more to this story'

I wonder how the sex could ever be so brilliant if he's not making you feel absolutely beautiful.

Frangardens · 25/02/2026 09:02

BitOfFun2026 · 25/02/2026 08:34

Yes I did put a thread up yesterday around me feeling I have a problem with drinking. HOWEVER that is absolutely nothing to do with the advice I've asked for on this situation. We had the same number of drinks each Saturday night whilst out (4 cocktails) - he actually drank more overall as he had one in the bar while I was getting ready. The issues I've identified are when I am at home alone, I wouldn't even be drinking if he was coming here.

The fact I've separately asked for support to cut down/stop drinking is neither here nor there and doesn't mean 'there's more to this story'

It is everything to do with this situation. Drinking two bottles of wine a night and then binging on takeaways every night when already in serious debt - doesn’t occur to you that he sensed that you had a drinking issue and issues with buying takeaways every night?

BitOfFun2026 · 25/02/2026 08:34

Yes I did put a thread up yesterday around me feeling I have a problem with drinking. HOWEVER that is absolutely nothing to do with the advice I've asked for on this situation. We had the same number of drinks each Saturday night whilst out (4 cocktails) - he actually drank more overall as he had one in the bar while I was getting ready. The issues I've identified are when I am at home alone, I wouldn't even be drinking if he was coming here.

The fact I've separately asked for support to cut down/stop drinking is neither here nor there and doesn't mean 'there's more to this story'

OP posts:
BitOfFun2026 · 25/02/2026 08:30

@Frangardens No, the man is not aware of it. The issues I've written about are when I'm at home alone and bored which is where I need support to cut down my drinking - or stop entirely as I appreciate the impact on my health. He was planning to come here Saturday night and neither of us were going to drink anything at all. Genuinely don't see why it needs to be brought up here.

@DeftGoldHedgehog I had exactly the same number of drinks as he did on Saturday night, we were both a little bit tipsy.

OP posts:
Buddinghell · 25/02/2026 07:26

noidea69 · 23/02/2026 13:10

We are allowed to watch what we eat and be pinikety about it.

Men arent.

Double standard i know, but is what it is.

For men we are.
Not being quite happy with ourselves suits the patriarchy.
Once we look a bit too muscled, too thin or the way we like to look we are in trouble.

Someone on here posted it’s what annoys you in the beginning is what breaks you in the end.

Frangardens · 25/02/2026 07:18

It was only yesterday the other thread was

Frangardens · 25/02/2026 07:17

MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform · 25/02/2026 07:15

Can you link it @Frangardens?

I would rather not, as unfair to the OP. But there is a lot more to what’s going on with the OP and her lifestyle and it’s very serious. I imagine this man was aware of it

MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform · 25/02/2026 07:15

Frangardens · 25/02/2026 07:04

There’s a lot more to this. I have been on the OP’s other thread.

Can you link it @Frangardens?

MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform · 25/02/2026 07:14

BitOfFun2026 · 24/02/2026 11:01

I mean neither of us are completely vanilla in the bedroom department but I made it very very clear that CNC was not a route I was ever willing to go down (obviously I didn't explain why and maybe should have done)

If the "relationship" will be simply the odd date and sex, and you are perhaps sexually incompatible and definitely food incompatible......what's the point?

GoneBackToTheWorld · 25/02/2026 07:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Frangardens · 25/02/2026 07:04

DeftGoldHedgehog · 25/02/2026 07:00

Are you reading from a 1930s dating advice manual for young ladies?

There’s a lot more to this. I have been on the OP’s other thread.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 25/02/2026 07:00

Frangardens · 25/02/2026 06:56

Did you consume significantly more alcohol than him when you got together for drinks?

Are you reading from a 1930s dating advice manual for young ladies?

Frangardens · 25/02/2026 06:56

Did you consume significantly more alcohol than him when you got together for drinks?

easysundaytea · 24/02/2026 22:09

Oh I see sorry

scottishgirl69 · 24/02/2026 22:07

easysundaytea · 24/02/2026 22:03

How are you a size 8 and 80kg though? I’m a 10/12 and 65kg

She's not. The man is

easysundaytea · 24/02/2026 22:04

Oh maybe you’re tall

easysundaytea · 24/02/2026 22:03

How are you a size 8 and 80kg though? I’m a 10/12 and 65kg

pouletvous · 24/02/2026 22:00

urgh. Deal breaker. I love eating

Mumofthreeteenagers · 24/02/2026 20:48

My adult son is like this. Its debilitating. I struggle to eat my things with him as you can just feel the disapproval. He says nothing now but he used to. A lot.
He is ND but even so, its such hard work.

Tuesdayschild50 · 24/02/2026 19:28

I'm a foody... couldn't be doing with this you want to enjoy your life .
I'd just say I've been thinking and I don't think it's the right time for me to start spending time with anyone .. wish him luck you don't owe him a big explanation but you do owe yourself something more suited to you.
Leave it here you'll meet someone else.

Strawberry53 · 24/02/2026 19:01

He’s allowed to follow whatever rigid, mentally taxing rules he wants but I couldn’t stand dating somebody like that. I’ve done my fair share of silly diets over the years and I’m so done & wouldn’t want that energy in my life again.