Innocent colloquialism or condescending…?

Dear Peter, can I draw your attention to the fee structure under which we operate which can only be amended by (a senior partner.) In the interests of professionalism, can we avoid the use of terms of endearment in our correspondence.

Oh please. More ageism…..ironic really, on a thread about sexism.

Ask him how he would like it if you called him Sonny.

Yes I was going to say he is clearly someone who doesn't realise that precedents don't work like that!!

I was expecting him to be near retirement age !
Totally unacceptable.

Try staring at him while saying "What did you call me ?"

You're very tolerant. If anyone called me 'my dear' in any context, let alone a work setting, I'd lose my shit. It's even worse that he's relatively young. I'd pull him up on it.

Urgh. Men can be so arrogant. Vile prick.

I don’t think this is the right approach. A straight bat is the way forward “Please call me Mary” every single time. Don’t do anything that might give her m an inch to start a debate.

Corner shop man calling you "love" - fine by me
Solicitor calling you "my dear" - not fine at all.

Yes I wouldn’t use it back or similar.
Ensure you are fully professional.

Yeah, this is being done to be deliberately condescending/patronising. It's not like, eg, a taxi driver cheerfully saying 'Thanks, have a nice day, love' when you pay your fare or something, which is just meant to be friendly.

It's a colleague speaking to another colleague in a really patronising way and undermining your professionalism. It's basically the equivalent of 'Calm down, dear'.

Oh he's definitely trying to put you in your place, which in his eyes is considerably beneath him. When he says jump, he is expecting you to ask how high.

I used to have a boss who would respond to issues brought to his attention with "Don't worry your little head about it". It enraged me. He never actually said the 'little' bit, but we both knew that's what he meant.

I would reduce contact with him to the absolute minimum. Set out your charges, do the work agreed and if he messes up with third parties, that's nothing to do with you.

Make sure everything is in writing, professional and polite. Then forget about him. Knob.

I was joking. In real life I'd bring it up with him. Depending on the make up of the rest of the organisation I'd see if he used similar language with other colleagues. If nothing changed I'd raise it with HR.

The issue around the timings and not consulting properly I'd talk with my line manager about with proof and examples of the occurrences, not as a snitch but as a "this is a challenging situation that I'm trying to manage at the moment and it's having a detrimental impact on the rest of my workload while also making me feel disrespected in the workplace, what would you advise I do next?"

@SpringDreams26 I assume you and he both have more senior people who are your 'managers' /that you report to?

I would report the unworkable timescales and the fees issue to them for starters. That's what needs to be addressed from a professional stand point urgently.

I would probably try to handle the 'My dear' thing yourself- a few suggestions already made by ppl.

I wouldn't do this, it undermines the lack of professionalism in him doing this and if you wanted to raise it as part of a pattern you've given him the opportunity to say..."well it was mutual"

call him "my dear" back

Super annoying, inappropriate at work. Can you call him “old sport” or “old bean” in return?

It definitely sounds condescending in the examples you used.

Yes it’s annoying. He is manipulative. You have 2 choices:

1. Tell him not to call you my dear. He will react like hes a victim and tell you he was only being a gentleman
2. ignore it. It’s a reflection of him. By letting it bother you, you’re directing your energy where it doesn’t need to go.

i would be MUCH MORE concerned about the discretion he thinks he has over your department pricing and the arrogance he thinks he has promising unrealistic timelines.

if you ever need to raise this in the future, do so factually and without emotion. But I would be tempted to raise the pricing and workload issues instead. They seem more serious.

How patronising and annoying. I'd be so annoyed I'd have to raise it with him directly.

I've been on the receiving end of similar, I think most women have at some point. For one persistent offender I eventually told him in a pleasant but firm tone that the only person who's allowed to call me whatever the 'endearment' was, is my dad. He didn't do it again.

This is a good response, better than my response in person, which been to call the culprit sweetie pie