Ok to let three year old daughter wear a play dress outside of home?

A friend of my mum’s had a son who didn’t want to go to school. He was 6. He didn’t want to go because he wanted to stay home to play with his toys. He’d tried the whole stomach ache ( whilst wolfing down a huge breakfast) etc. Anyway his mum said he was going to school and she went to get ready herself. In the couple of minutes she was distracted, he got out his paints and painted himself green. She didn’t shout or get cross or put him in the shower therefore making them very late, she simply took him into school as he was. Her words to his teacher were John is having a green day today. He stayed green all day and strangely never did it again.

Sounds like the way your DH went about it was wrong - possibly check his motivations.
Have 2 upper primary children and am fine with them experimenting with clothes/dressing up/hair styles at home but they understand that it's not always suitable to go outside the home like that. It isn't an issue.
If they are unwell and in fleecy onesies, and have to go with an adult to do the school run, that's fine but generally they are expected to be suitably dressed for leaving the house (ie weather/occasion). I think it is important for children to understand that somethings are acceptable in some circumstances but not others.
Apologies if this isn't a popular view, but this is my opinion!!

Doesn't this numpty notice children when he's out and about? Loads of them are wearing their favourite fantasy outfits!

It's normal. A three-year-old is not a miniature adult.

My kids are 7 and 8 and still love dressing up. My daughter wears her little heels and a princess peach dress. My son is either mario or Luigi. I'm taking them to comic con next month so they can cosplay and they're so excited! You 2 need to discuss this and what you would like the outcome to be next time. Listen to his reasons and genuinely try and find a middle ground.

My twins went out in their Anna and Elsa dresses all the time. Never occurred to me that they shouldn’t. He was being an arse.

Yeh it sounds like a normal reaction to someone so controlling. Ask him why and if he’ll apologise.

Poor girl, she needs to know that his behaviour wasn’t ok.

My son went out dressed up as a dinosaur. Also gone out with face paints on and mummy nails (I’d done them for him). We had a great life together when he was a child.

Sounds like he was mean about it.
But I am generally a bit stressed about kids wearing those outfits as they aren’t subject to any fire safety standards in the way children’s clothes are. Google campaigns about costumes and fire safety - these things are HIGHLY flammable.

So something to think about - I wouldn’t let my kid wear one where there were candles on the tables in a restaurant for example.

One of mine loved dressing up so much that he’s now studying fashion design at art school!

I don’t think men pay attention to other kids in public until they have kids ( and even then it’s often not much). The OPs husband could genuinely think it’s unusual for kids to be out and about in dressing up outfits when most women will have noticed it many times.
men go out and about in dressing up outfits ( football strips!) all the time!

Gosh, that's rather miserable of him! What's the harm in a 3 year old having a lovely time in what she wants to wear? Mine loved wearing her Elsa dress out and about at that age. It didn't occur to me or my husband to have a problem with it.

My oldest son has regularly gone out for meals dressed as spiderman….i choose to pick my battles and unless we’re going out for a special event or something then he can wear what he wants.

Your DH is crazy. She’s 3 years old, of course if fine for her to wear a dressing up dress out.

This will not be the only issue with your DH, if you really look you will see he’s not a nice person.

It’s not about the dress. It’s about him feeling he needs to have control over a tiny girl. You need to address this with him.

He is very mean.

my now 15yo daughter dressed up all the time. I very often had a little Elsa with me in the supermarket.

what are his reasons for doing this?

Is it a pattern of saying no to things for no reason? My DH does this. Our daughter nearly 7 now and I’ve been training him to use his brain but I’d say he still says no to something for absolutely no good reason at least once a week. I think he was raised in a very authoritarian way so it’s all he knows. It’s so effing annoying though, causes upset and drama for no reason.

I don't find it cute seeing other people's kids running around restaurants in Spiderman costumes or ketchup stained Elsa dresses although I can't imagine getting worked up about it. For us those are for dress up days, parties etc.

But we're not in the UK and you just don't see it where we live. You also don't see adults at restaurants in leggings or sportswear for example.

I think it's OK to have kids learn when and where to wear certain clothes but physically forcing her out of it at age 3 is over the top.

At that age my kids dressed in costume all the time. From the hulk to Fizz from the Tweenies. He is being ridiculous..

My mother wouldn’t have allowed this because it was common (see also character and slogan t-shirts and things with your name on) and would have torn the dress off if necessary. Ask him whether his family allowed it when he was small.
I went to the supermarket with my own little Spiderman for years.

Of course it's fine. DS used to wear all sorts out and about. Superheros, a tiger costume, his gruffalo dressing gown. I have a photo of him in a George pig swimsuit (one of those onesie ones with long sleeves and legs) complete with goggles sitting on a tractor at the farm shop. And another of him gardening in a silk Chinese style ensemble his uncle brought back from holiday.

I miss those outfits. He's 13 now and it's all hoodies and comfy trousers!

As others have clearly said- YANBu but your husband was.
DS went to a wedding in a little very cute suit with his Batman tshirt under his shirt and his mask with us so that after the weeding ceremony he could become Batman. He was persuaded to be Bruce Wayne for the ceremony!

If he is embarrassed by it, he can buy her a pink princess good quality one for outings.
He was mean and forced her to do something for no real reason, plus negated her expressing herself and being herself. I would not be cool with this. No way.
I would get it if it was for school or a formal place. But just the local pub... nope. If he had talked her about taking it off to go out, ok. But forcing it off her, NOPE.

That would genuinely concern me him forcibly taking her upstairs and changing her and a pretty unpleasant memory for her to have. I think you really need to talk to him about his role in her life of making her feel safe and protected.

My DS essentially lived as a tiny Bat Man from the age of 2 - 4. All these years later, the photos of that time make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Your DH is daft and picking the wrong battles.

My daughter used to wear her flamenco dress to the playground. Your husband sounds quite controlling, I hate to think what it’ll be like when she’s a teenager, unless he can see this for himself and try to change.