To block this flaky Mum friend and ignore her from now on?

There’s a lot of advice from people here who obviously aren’t wet blankets at all to tell her “no worries” and the like. Since there are so many such posts and they might be overwhelming, it might be helpful to summarise their advice into one post.

So you should message back “Oh no, please don’t worry about it at all. It is I who should be apologising to you. I am indeed deeply touched and beyond emotional that you took the time to message me at all - it is deeply appreciated.”

As she is struggling, you should as a bare minimum offer to arrange and pay for the next birthday party for her child. Ask her respectfully also if you may collect her children and drive them to any other parties or events / activities.

And apologise once more for the inconvenience caused.

She has apologised, let it go

Blocking is quite a teenage way of dealing with minor offence tbh. Either just give her a thumbs up on the message/say "thanks for letting me know" and move on with your life, be polite but not friendly when you see her, or if you're desperate to send her a message consider doing it in a more adult way, using words.

Blocking is a pretty immature response IMO. Just don’t reply and only do polite hellos when you see her. No need for it to become a drama.

I’d be annoyed too, but no shows to kids parties are sadly pretty common.

I wouldn't bother blocking her, but I would stop engaging. Just don't reply and don't initiate communication. I'd also not invite her to anything again. You are not obligated. But there is no reason to block her. And if she asks why you haven't responded you can take a page out of her playbook and say, "Oh, I got busy and forgot!"

Totally agree. I hate flaky mum "friends" - we're all busy and have stuff to do.
I'd move forward gracefully though as no doubt you'll be seeing her around and about.

Well the OP wants her to do a better job of keeping track of the commitments she makes to other people, that’s part of OP’s point. It’s not that hard to put something in a calendar at the time you say yes to it. But OP’s post also reads as pretty sceptical of whether this Mum did actually forget, or just couldn’t be bothered to show up or message ahead of time (‘the usual excuses’).

I must tell my brain that forgetting things is ‘unacceptable and disrespectful’ 😂

Unfortunately my brain doesn’t judge which things are more important than others- it just forgets a range of stuff.

Yes, I use reminders and calendars. Yes, it helps a great deal but doesn’t work 100% of the time.

And yes, I’d be concerned if a childminder or surgeon forgot an appointment I had made with them. I would expect people with my type of brain probably don’t do those kinds of jobs.

My forgetfulness has caused problems at work- twice in eight years I have forgotten to cover a colleague (despite reminders and calendars). Very embarrassing but luckily my job is not life and death and all was forgiven.

I forgot to take my son to a birthday party once. I remembered suddenly months later and felt awful. I was going through DFV at the time and my mind was a mess. I forgave myself but I still feel bad sometimes.

There's nothing petty about blocking, in my opinion. She knows what she's doing and who she's letting down - and you don't have to put up with it. I voted YANBU.

And of course life happens and people make mistakes. But to consistently flake on people is disrespectful in the extreme imo.

‘Double booking’ is code for ‘I found something I’d rather do than see you. Now that is rude - different from forgetting because you’re so disorganised.

Blocking and ignoring her is such an overreaction.

I think blocking her would be childish and dramatic. However there is nothing wrong with letting you know that you found it annoying that she didn’t show up and that it cost you £20 and meant that you missed the opportunity to invite someone in her child’s place.
I reply to the text saying that. I wouldn’t be rude, if fact I’d acknowledge the apology but I would
let her know that you are annoyed.

I would be polite in those situations, rather than ignoring her. Being polite is the more low effort response. Ignoring someone if they try and speak to you potentially causes a scene and makes people around you feel awkward.

But it's fine to distance yourself if she's too much like hard work.

I really think you are being rude OP. Blocking her and going to ignore her for a small mistake is overly dramatic. Yes its annoying but I haven't had one party for my DCs where someone hasn't turned up or cancelled at the last min. If its the same person, I would just not invite them to a paid per head party again but ignoring and blocking at drama starters! Why no go for the causal slow removing of interaction to avoid all of that. I'm crap at replying to messages (it takes me a week sometimes) but I admit I've never forgot a party or flaked on someone useless it was due to illness. I'd had to think someone is going to block me and ignore me for struggling to reply to messages.

She is struggling from your own explanation. She messaged to apologise afterwards. Juggling kids and work is hard no matter how organised you are. Its so easy to miss putting something in the calendar and then forgetting back it completely. I doubt she thinks her time is more important, she's just struggling to keep up.

Don't do anything dramatic, just quietly cut her loose. I have no time for flakiness and regularly being late is just bloody rude.

Hmm.
I have ADHD.
My life is busy- I have a demanding job and I hold that down but the rest of my life is forgotten appointments and constantly apologising.
Yeah- fuck her. She's probably doing it deliberately to piss you off.🙄

If she was intending to show up, she would have bought a gift? Did she offer to drop it round?

Hate blocking however just keep it polite but wouldnt make plans again with her.

I forgot to take my dd to a party as we had two bereavements in a short space of time and everything went chaotic. I bought the birthday boy a lovely gift and apologised profusely.
see how she acts now, if she buys a gift and is extremely sorry just put it down to bad timing. If she acts without care, she is clearly not sorry and I would just move on.

She organises her life poorly, and it’s very irritating, but if I liked her as a friend I wouldn't block her. She could have made up a better-sounding excuse for missing the party but was honest. I’d be annoyed, but not enough to actually block her - I’d probably just be a bit cool the next time I saw her.

I wouldn't block her and ignore her if she tries speaking to you, she's not done anything that would warrant that. However as this isn't the first time and is a pattern of behaviour I would take a step back from the friendship, stop inviting her and stop making effort unless reciprocated but just be polite if she speaks to you, you don't have to have a full blown conversation with her and be all chatty and pally but don't ignore her either it's really rude and should only be reserved for those who have earned it.

Ok so I am normally on it as a mum, but I have totally forgotten one birthday party and got the time wrong for at least 2 (3 kids close in age to put it in context). In both cases things in other areas of my life were going a bit wrong- family member died, brother ill, stressful house move. But it does happen to most people at some point. I was completely mortified!

If she’s generally flaky I agree with a slow fade and on the surface politeness rather than blocking her.

Don’t block or obviously ignore her. Just say “no worries” and quietly withdraw from her. Stop inviting her to stuff. Make fewer arrangements with her, or none with just her/ that depend on her.

It’s a much better and less dramatic way.

Lots of people genuinely are drowning and it’s not always their fault. However you can protect yourself from the disappointment by just quietly pulling back.

Edit - I don’t think she needs a “lesson” or being blocked as that is very harsh. And if someone else finds out and asks you, it will sound a bit unhinged! As others said, it’s not like she’s been harassing your or similar.

I am more than aware of that, trust me. But first I have to remember to do that.

And if I set too many reminders, I can't do anything, because I am always being interrupted by reminders.