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AIBU?

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Original poster

To use my annual leave to spend with DS?

37 replies

Pinkerbells · 22/02/2026 19:09

My DS is 6 and I absolutely adore spending time with him. I work roughly 35 hours a week, one week I work 4 days and the second 3 1/2 days. I condense my days so I usually work 9 or 10 hours and on those days, DS goes to ex; 3 days one week and 4 the next (roughly).
In the past I have used my annual leave to take time off during the holidays to spend extra time with DS or if ex goes away on holiday. This has never been a problem before, I have always offered ex to have DS extra (which has always been refused) and I have always given notice.
This week I said to ex that I had booked off time in the easter holiday to spend with DS, but ex is now saying that he doesnt want me to have DS any extra. Im not sure what to say, I offered him to have DS extra the following week to make up for this, which he refused.
We dont have any legal custody order, and it hasn't been a problem until recently. For example, last year I had DS for 4 weeks extra and no comments were made.
Am I being unreasonable to use my annual leave so I can spend extra time with DS?

OP posts:
DeathStare · 23/02/2026 06:34

You booked annual.leave to spend time with your DS, during the time he's scheduled to be with your ex? That's madness and yes unreasonable.

Your title is misleading. Of course you're not unreasonable to book your leave to spend your time with your DS - for the time he's with you, not the time he's scheduled to be with your ex.

And you booked the leave without even asking your ex first? Just assuming your demands should take priority and your ex should roll over? Surely this has to be a reverse?

DrCalLightman · 23/02/2026 00:26

Cancel his days, and use those on your next days?

Doesn't seem like rocket science?

Eenameenadeeka · 23/02/2026 00:24

Not unreasonable to use annual leave to spend time with your child. Very unreasonable to expect to have him for time that is meant to be his Dad's time, without his Dad agreeing first.

cadburyegg · 23/02/2026 00:00

if it’s a 50/50 arrangement then yabu. you booking annual leave isn’t the issue it’s encroaching on your ex’s time that is , if you have this pattern set.

I dictate a little more with my exh now but the circumstances are entirely different

HoskinsChoice · 22/02/2026 23:57

Why didn't you just be a grown up and ask him first?

Poor kid. Don't make this a battle ground - it's about what is best for your son, not you.

Moonnstarz · 22/02/2026 20:30

I don't really understand the issue. Booking time off work to cover the days when you would have your son is totally reasonable and normal.
Booking extra time of when your son is with his dad and asking to have him the extra days is unreasonable. You know those days are his dad's days so I am not sure why you would have assumed he wouldn't want to see his son.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 22/02/2026 20:28

Obviously yanbu to use your annual leave to spend with your ds. I imagine most working parents do this.

Yabu to think that you can just change the existing contact arrangements to suit your preferences without consulting your ex.

Original poster
Pinkerbells · 22/02/2026 20:24

Smarvellous · 22/02/2026 19:28

Yes, I'm afraid I think you might have overstepped by telling ds's dad that you've booked the time off to spend it with ds, instead of asking about how he'd feel about splitting holiday time into larger blocks. Has he said no because he'd already made plans for his time?

No he hasn't made any plans. He doesnt work so has quite a bit more freedom than me to plan things for when he has DS.

OP posts:
Smarvellous · 22/02/2026 19:28

Yes, I'm afraid I think you might have overstepped by telling ds's dad that you've booked the time off to spend it with ds, instead of asking about how he'd feel about splitting holiday time into larger blocks. Has he said no because he'd already made plans for his time?

Original poster
Pinkerbells · 22/02/2026 19:20

I completely understand that which is why I always do it well in advance. Even if it was 1 week with me, one with ex

OP posts:
TheABC · 22/02/2026 19:19

I would also keep a few days back for sickness or teacher training. But yes: when you have young children, most if not all of your leave goes on them.

goz · 22/02/2026 19:16

You are obviously not being unreasonable to book time off to see your son, that’s what the vast majority of parents use their annual leave for. It becomes unreasonable when you arrange plans on your ex’s time without asking in advance.