To use my annual leave to spend with DS?

OP: Am I being unreasonable to use my annual leave so I can spend extra time with DS?

The issue is, that extra time is DS's dad's time, which she didn't ask for in advance.
It may have worked before, but she still needs to ask.

I don't know what a man would be told if he was working full-time and doing 50/50 with a woman who didn't work without anything in place for holidays on either side. I've never read of such a set-up in all my years on here. I actually think he sounds controlling in saying he doesn't want her to have extra time with the ds even if he gets some extra another time. Sounds highly controlling to me and spiteful too. And I really wonder if he makes an equal financial contribution to ds (he doesn't work).

She did take his time without asking though, it's in the OP.

No one said she shouldn't have a holiday with her DS, but as others have pointed out, people have given polite advice yet if OP was a man he'd have been hammered and told he's a controlling so & so.

It's off because people are totally ignoring the fact that she can't have a holiday with her son. That isn't a normal situation and it isn't in the best interests of the child either. People are also ignoring the fact that she doesn't really have any quality time with her son, which is also a problem. She can't change it unilaterally though I agree but people are phrasing it as if she's taking his time, which I don't agree with.

How are a lot of replies off?
Most people are saying she should have communicated first instead of assuming he'd ne OK with his time being taken away without discussion.

What's off about that?

The school holidays are long. Only book your contact days.
Yabu to ex

It isn’t well in advance and you should have discussed with ex before making a unilateral decision.

How would you feel if he just told you he was having DS during “your time”?

The way forward is a sincere apology and a request to come to an amicable compromise. If that’s impossible you suck it up and learn from your mistakes.

I completely sympathise with you and think a lot of these replies are off. If I have understood correctly neither of you ever has more than 4 days with ds as standard? That's pretty unusual I would have thought - surely most people treat holidays differently from term time. I think you need a discussion with ex, via email so it's in writing, about building in some longer stretches so you can take holidays - if he doesn't want that it's fine but you do so he should accommodate. If he won't agree I suppose it would be court and I'm sure it would be agreed - it's not in the least unusual to want to go away for a week at a time, or even 2.

I know what you mean as well about working. I'm a f/t teacher and ex doesn't work and it does mean he can (or could - they're older now) do a lot more with them like going to the park straight from school, which I never could. People will say that's not your ex's problem, which is true to an extent, but it benefits your child to have fun times with both parents and it's mean of your ex to stand in the way of that, but a discussion is needed first.

Is it because DS sees your ex more as he’s not working eg pickups and drop offs etc and you are working so it’s more difficult for you to spend time with DS in the week. Does DS live with Dad or stay with Dad a lot, and more to the point does DS enjoy time with Dad? I think we’re not seeing the bigger picture.

Of course your leave should be spent with your son, I would be disgusted if as a parent it wasn’t?

Having said that, you should have communicated this with your ex first, not just booked it on their time.

Weird post, maybe a troll or reverse? Imagine this being the other way around and exh was booking time off on your days! You wouldn’t stand for it at all!

Stick to your agreement or you’re got to end up being forced into a legal order.

It makes sense for you to want a full weeek with him sometimes otherwise how would you ever be able to take him on holiday under your current arrangement?. However, can you not propose he has him extra the following week so he doesn’t lose out on days with his son?

What you mean is “I’ve booked time off on DS’s contact days with his dad without asking him and assumed it’ll be okay. He’s being mean to not let me have my way”.

You should have asked him and he’s not being mean. He’s your coparent on an equal split of time, he’s not your employee and your son isn’t more yours than his father’s.

Cancel your leave on his days and next time talk to him first.

You aren't unreasonable to want to spend extra time with your DS. However telling your ex and not asking him if you can take DS extra on his parenting time is very unreasonable, even if you've offered for him to have extra the following week, even if it's been fine in the past as it should have been a discussion between you, not your decision unilaterally and I can understand given that you decided to go about it the way you have why he's said no.

So because he doesn't work, you assumed you can plan his time for him?
Why not ask first OP, you know you wouldn't like it if he suddenly told you he was changing plans to suit himself without asking.

Also, so typical when posters don't get the replies they wanted and don't come back.

Just use it on school holiday days you do have DS, it’s really not that hard. No reason at all the dad should change days just because you’ve said so

You can't just book time off and expect to have your son on your ex's time

Does extra time for you mean less time for ex?

Yanbu to take AL iver easter break to spend time with ds.

Yabu if you are planning to have ds on daya dad would normally have him. Should discuss it with him first.

YANBU to spend your leave with your DS, that's normal but you can't stop him seeing his father to suit your wants. If you want all your leave with your DC just take days instead of full weeks. That would also be more effective in covering childcare for school holidays. If you only take half a week off and father has him the other half of the week you cover twice as much of the school holidays.

Do you mean you want to book a week away somewhere but only have 4 days with him? Then yes I think EX is being unfair on his son to stop him having a holiday.

If you're just hanging at home, he is nbu. Just book off the days you're meant to have him

You’re asking the wrong question .

It's a weird way to word the situation.
No, you're not unreasonable to take AL to spend time with your son - obviously.

You are unreasonable to unilaterally change the agreement with his father, when you had already agreed on a shared care schedule. Particularly when the outcome is that his time with his son is being reduced.

Just book AL on your own time.

I think the only thing you can do is apologise for assuming he wouldn't mind and make a case for it being in your son's best interests (if it is?) to have a block of time with each of you in the holiday's. Rather than it just being about what suits you best? Would ds benefit from less frequent too'ing and fro'ing between homes, and holiday times are a good opportunity to provide this? (When you can get leave?).

Why would you book leave for when your DS is not due to be with you?