To think we are in a relationship?

You don't seem to grasp that there are important distinctions between a relationship that is made public by naming it as such to others (in this case him calling you his girlfriend/partner) and one that is just a fwb.

To his friends and family you're just his fwb. This means no invite to special family occasions. You're not regarded as anything special to them.
That would piss me off.

If you were his girlfriend, there'd be a good chance that he'd be held accountable and berated by others in his and your social circles if he treated you unfairly.

But above all if he were really into you he'd be proud to announce to the world that you were together. He's clearly not.

I don't understand how you've got to your age without seeing that a relationship is about more than the two people involved.

I really don't.

And of course you're right to say that anybody can leave anyone at any time but, with respect, that's not the effing point.

Really?

what is the issue then and why did you make a thread?

It's not about punishment

You keep saying there is no difference between what you have and a more traditional relationship. In fact, you're really quite adament about the fact that there would be no difference between him ending his 'relationship' with you as it stands or if you were married with 3 kids because 'men on here do it all the time'

I'm just pointing out that there are differences, Fairly significant and identifiable ones at that

So was this mutual or from him?

Then I have absolutely no idea as to why you're putting up with this shit.
And if it is not bothering you, why post asking the opinions of strangers?

Given the choice, I'd prefer a player anyway. At least you know where you stand with them.
Guys like your fwb turn me right off. They're so weak and risk averse. I mean it's really easy to end a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship so why not just call himself your boyfriend?

I suspect that you don't really know him as well as you think you do.

The hot potato comment wasn't mine, but does illustrate the general consensus regarding your position here.

Nobody is saying that a man can't just walk away from any situation. However, there is a distinct difference in that in your situation, there would be zero consequence to this. No recriminations, no financial fallout, not even the need for a conversation.

If a man is married with three kids, he will at least be compelled to address the administrative matters mentioned, whether he likes it or not. If divorce papers are filed, there will be consequences for them, being compelled to provide financial information, assessmenst from CMS for the children, having to get a mortgage to either buy out or buy a new property and so on. There are none of these consequences for your DP.

That's the point that the majority of posters have tried to make to you

Edited for typo

Well actually he couldn't

There would be at least the administrative burden of divorce, CMS, financial arrangements and the like if you were married with three kids.

Currently he could walk away in the next ten minutes with no need for any discussion beyond 'I'm done' - that's the freedom that his position of 'not being in a relationship' gives him

What’s interesting is that OP said he’d changed after she had another relationship. She’s not said how he’s changed but we can make guesses as to how. Maybe he changed so he could be with her but sort of on his/her terms, keep her sweet if you will. It probably wounded his pride that she had another relationship as he wasn’t expecting that.

Well he doesn’t need to commit, share bills, finances or anything like that.

OP, being a non-cohabiting boyfriend is about the lowest level of commitment you can get yet he won't even call himself that. Ffs. Wake up.

As low a level as it is, here's what it entails:
Public acknowledgement of the nature of your relationship. None of exist in a vacuum, this is important.
If he has sex with another woman, he will get grief from you, his family and possibly his friends.

Giving up sexual opportunities with other women. This is no small thing for a guy.

Basically, he is not that into you as he would (at least for a while) risk public opprobrium if he treated you badly or give up sexual opportunities.

I think that - rightly or wrongly- you percieve yourself as far less attractive than he is.
Am I right?

Above all, remember one thing:
no label=no relationship=no rules

After several hundred messages and lots of sensible opinions, I find your responses rather defensive and fixed. If he is so perfect and you are not bothered either way, and you are so sure he is 100% in to you / faithful to you / committed to you, then why have you felt the need to post?
I suspect the truth is that on some level, you do feel insecure about the fact he refuses to be in a 'relationship' with you, and you are wondering what else you need to do /be to convince him. His refusal to name all that you are to each other, all the time you spend together as a 'relationship', feels on one level slightly insulting.
I'm sure you will come back and say this is not true... But I would ask you to dig deep and ask why you felt the need to muse on this particular subject. Its completely reasonable to want acknowledgement of your place in his life, after several years, it seems churlish that he won't call you his girlfriend / partner.
Personally, I think I would bin him off over this, but you may feel differently

Saw a video today that described a man as a taxi, if his unavailable light is on he isn’t interested. He has to chose you, you can’t chose enough for both of ye. Carry on as you are OP but if he died you wouldn’t be chief mourner or next of kin. That matters when you love someone and they love you.