To think we are in a relationship?

For heaven’s sake, OP. You said years ago that you would only be ‘back in touch’ with him if he wasn’t seeing anyone else. He agreed. He’s (presumably, as far as you know) not currently seeing anyone else. But as he doesn’t regard himself as in a relationship, he’s within his rights to describe himself as single, isn’t bound to not keep an eye out for someone he would be interested in a relationship with, if he met her. Just as I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I ran into DH, but found one anyway.

It will definitely be to do with his childhood. He needs therapy but only he can decide to do that. I think you are wasting your time OP. You say you're happy but if you truly were you wouldn't be posting about it on mumsnet. Speaking as someone who wasted 10 years of their life on a man who didn't want to commit, I would say have a proper think about what you want your life to look like and if you can accept it as it is then crack on.

I can't afford the Maldives but I'm perfectly happy with Greece for the time being. Like your "bf" @Beingabout

Again you could be in for a nasty shock on that.
We've all seen the man who suddenly meets The One and wants everything, kids and marriage, and who ditches the fine for now filler girl.

Either way he's told you he doesn't want what he has with you to be regarded as a relationship.

When a man really loves a woman he won’t want to hide it. He will want to tell everyone.

I think you deserve more than this OP. You always hear about these situations with apparently commitment phobic men. Until they meet the right woman and they get married and have kids so fast your head will spin.

All your replies say how great he is and how happy you are, he won't be unfaithful, he wants you, etc so what's the problem?

There's something though isn't there OP?
He's not articulating it but he's telling you there is something this isn't, something for him that is missing and doesn't make this a relationship.

You can pretend that it's fine because day to day it works as if it were a relationship.

But he's categorically told you it's not.

I would bet money he's also told family and friends this and refers to you as a really good friend.
And they all feel slightly awkward because they know you think it's more and he's been clear to them it's not.

When you’ve met his mum or his sister or whatever, how were you introduced?

how is Christmas? Does he spend it with his girlfriend (you?) or what? I know lots of men hate the term “partner” but anyway. Do either of you have children? If he got sepsis and was rushed to hospital, would his family ring you to tell you? Do you know who is lawyer is, do you have keys to his house and vice versa.

if some total stranger said to his dad “is your son single?” Would his dad say “no, he has a lovely girlfriend Beingaboyt that we adore” or would he say “there’s a woman he makes reference to that we’ve met a few times but I don’t think she’s forever, for various reasons he’s mentioned.”

Do you think a relationship is one sided?Both people agree to be in a relationship. He hasn't agreed to that. That means you're not in one, no matter how hard you insist you are. You're ignoring his point of view.

You're Ms Right Now rather than Ms Right. If someone he likes better comes along, he's out of there. He doesn't care that you call him your boyfriend because it means zilch to him.

But he literally doesn’t want you as his girlfriend? And that clearly bothers you on some level or you wouldn’t have made the thread.

I think relationship suggests longevity, and that's what he's reluctant to commit to.

Then you can't be helped.

He wants you as a stand in/place holder at best.

Won't answer.

Emotions he would believe you were totally unreasonable to be having because he has spent years telling you you arent the one for him.

I’d be concerned that he is not seeing you as the one. I think you may be in a sort of relationship, but a practice one for him. He has been honest with you though.

We know someone in our friend group in this sort of set up. It’s not really happy, but rubs along ok and has done for 20 odd years. He complains privately he loves her like a sister but she was never really the one and he always expected the one to come along. She feels she’s wasted the best years of her life trying to save him (and show him what a loving relationship is), and I suspect she’s fearful of backing out and starting again now. On the face of it they get on, are affectionate, enjoy each other’s company as companions though.

I’d just be wary if this is what you may be committing yourself to and what you are happy to settle for.

No promises of a future together.

You are Ms Right-Now for him.

He doesn't see himself growing old with you, basically.

Either you are willing to take what he's offering or you aren't.
You can't make him change what he's offering.

I think you may be in for a nasty shock.

Maybe he sees a relationship as having kids living together and marriage.

What he's saying is he doesn't want those things with you.

When he meets the right person then he'll do the relationship things.
To him presents and holidays don't make a relationship.