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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my DD and go to CentreParcs?

220 replies

GReenasheet · 22/02/2026 15:01

DD is 34 and six months pregnant. Unfortunately she is on her own in this pregnancy (first child) as her partner has walked out. I don’t know the exact circumstances as she had only known him
a couple of years. She’s now moved back to her own home she was previously renting out. She hasn’t heard from him for several months.

Very understandably she is in a state though been coping as well as she can. It’s caused DH and I a lot of stress as we fear she is going to be very reliant on us when the baby is born. It’s been a worrying time and a few months ago our other daughter had planned a week at centre Parca for her and her husband, her two dc and her in laws and us. It’s been in the diary for months.

Our pregnant DD found out on Friday that she has gestational diabetes, she’s slim and eats well so we were surprised by this. She’s been on the phone all weekend and saying she doesn’t want to be alone this week and asking me not to go to centre par a so I can stay with her. We’ve invited her and said we will drive if she drives to our house (on the way to centre parcs for her) and she’s been shouting at me and making me feel awful saying she doesn’t want to go there with her sister’s in laws and she doesn’t want to travel etc. It’s only an hour away and the change of scenery would be so good for her. DH has said absolutely not to give in to her and that we’ve offered for her to come and it’s been booked for months.

I don’t think IABU necessarily but wondering what others would do as DD is making me feel horrendous about going. It’s fair to go if we’ve invited her to come?

OP posts:
Hiptothisjive · 23/02/2026 17:44

Sisandbro81 · 23/02/2026 06:27

After much back and forth, I think @Hiptothisjive eventually understood the point we were trying to make when we said obesity is A risk factor

Show quote history

No I understood it before - you don’t need to speak for me nor do you need to presume that just because I don’t agree doesn’t mean I don’t understand .

Hiptothisjive · 23/02/2026 17:42

WhenRealityHits · 22/02/2026 23:38

No-one said that every single woman with gestational diabetes was overweight.
You're the exception if you eat immaculately all your life.

However, women who are seriously overweight are 3 times more likely to get it than women who are not overweight, so being overweight is a significant risk factor and not a judgement.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gestational-diabetes/

Who's at risk of gestational diabetes
Any woman can develop gestational diabetes during pregnancy, but you're at an increased risk if:

  • you are over 40
  • your body mass index (BMI) is above 30 – use the BMI healthy weight calculator to work out your BMI
  • you previously had a baby who weighed 4.5kg (10lb) or more at birth
  • you had gestational diabetes in a previous pregnancy
  • 1 of your parents or siblings has diabetes
  • you are of south Asian, Black, African-Caribbean or Middle Eastern origin (even if you were born in the UK)
  • you have had a gastric bypass or other weight-loss surgery

If any of these apply to you, you should be offered screening for gestational diabetes during your pregnancy.

Show quote history

It’s good to see this list. None of tha criteria applied to me and I got it anyway. Theme the breaks I guess.

Boobyslims · 23/02/2026 16:34

I presume she doesn’t want to be around people right now and the idea of a big group trip is desperately unappealing.

34 or not she’s allowed to panic at finding herself unexpectedly single and pregnant and with a complication.

Fralalala · 23/02/2026 16:08

Whyarepeople · 22/02/2026 17:56

If my DD had a very hard time during pregnancy and at the end she said 'I certainly didn't rely on my mother for anything,' I would consider that a massive failure on my part.

Ideally anyone going through difficult things should have help, support and love every step of the way - they should rely on others, that's what they're bloody well there for! If someone has to get through thing on their own, that's not a badge of honour in my book, it's a sign they don't have good support around them. It's not a failure on their part, it's potentially a failure of the people who should care for them.

It is normal to rely on others when things go wrong.

Good lord, no wonder we have such an issue with mental health and anxiety!

This made me tear a bit for my own personal reasons which I won’t go into but yes I completely agree especially with this part

Ideally anyone going through difficult things should have help, support and love every step of the way - they should rely on others, that's what they're bloody well there for! If someone has to get through thing on their own, that's not a badge of honour in my book, it's a sign they don't have good support around them. It's not a failure on their part, it's potentially a failure of the people who should care for them

ttcat37 · 23/02/2026 15:44

Blindsided2025 · 23/02/2026 14:50

Yes, teams in place who manage it so that it doesn’t cause problems. It’s a diet change, extra scans, perhaps insulin, perhaps induction at 38 weeks. It’s not common for it have serious negative outcomes when known about and managed, and it’s inappropriate to try to scare women about it.

Show quote history

It vastly increases the risk of both mother and/ or baby becoming diabetic post birth, I’d say that’s a serious negative outcome, wouldn’t you? And that’s along with all the antenatal risks, which really aren’t uncommon at all. It’s ‘inappropriate’ for you to be so dismissive about its severity- it should be taken seriously.

Blindsided2025 · 23/02/2026 14:50

ttcat37 · 23/02/2026 09:39

It’s not unusual at all. It’s very common to have problems caused by GD. That’s why maternity departments have a whole team to manage pregnant women who have it.

Show quote history

Yes, teams in place who manage it so that it doesn’t cause problems. It’s a diet change, extra scans, perhaps insulin, perhaps induction at 38 weeks. It’s not common for it have serious negative outcomes when known about and managed, and it’s inappropriate to try to scare women about it.

ttcat37 · 23/02/2026 09:40

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 23/02/2026 07:20

I controlled my GD in my second and third pregnancies through diet alone, which is entirely possible. My first pregnancy wasn't great as I had undiagnosed GD and my DD ended up being 11lb5.5oz..! That was... interesting 😆

It’s great that that was entirely possible for you, but for many women it isn’t possible to control GD with diet alone.

ttcat37 · 23/02/2026 09:39

Blindsided2025 · 22/02/2026 20:33

It is for most though, it’s extremely unusual for it to cause problems when it’s known about it, as this is.

Show quote history

It’s not unusual at all. It’s very common to have problems caused by GD. That’s why maternity departments have a whole team to manage pregnant women who have it.

BudgetBuster · 23/02/2026 09:27

Anonymouseposter · 23/02/2026 09:12

I don’t think that’s fair to be honest. OP invited her daughter to go with them. If she doesn’t go her other daughter will probably be upset with her and the grandchildren might feel let down. It’s one hour away for a few days. The only sentence in the original post that’s a bit off is where she says that she and her husband are worried that the daughter is going to be over dependent on them. The way in which the daughter has reacted to them going away may explain that.

Show quote history

Exactly. I wonder what the OP and her DH have out up with over the last few months since the daughter has become single, given the way she think sits appropriate to shout at the OP and make her feel awful.

I'd also question the pregnant daughters attitude if her own mother doesn't know why her ex partner left, didn't seem to know him well (despite them being together a few years) and doesn't feel like she can have that conversation with her daughter?

To me (and I'm potentially making assumptions) it sounds like maybe the OP and her DH have done a lot of minding of said pregnant daughter for the last few months and are in need of a break before going on to do it all again. The OP doesn't mention age or their physical capabilities but this could have an impact on why they are worrying for the future.

I am 32, my parents early 60s. Neither could look after a baby or toddler for more than a few hours and needing a break afterwards. They absolutely help and are great rewards my children, but physically they are past it.

Anonymouseposter · 23/02/2026 09:12

Gloriia · 23/02/2026 08:43

More like 'You got yourself into this mess now I want to go to the tropical paradise then spend a small fortune at the Parc Market. Ring me in an extreme emergency only and I mean extreme' Grin.

Show quote history

I don’t think that’s fair to be honest. OP invited her daughter to go with them. If she doesn’t go her other daughter will probably be upset with her and the grandchildren might feel let down. It’s one hour away for a few days. The only sentence in the original post that’s a bit off is where she says that she and her husband are worried that the daughter is going to be over dependent on them. The way in which the daughter has reacted to them going away may explain that.

Sartre · 23/02/2026 08:47

Gloriia · 23/02/2026 08:43

More like 'You got yourself into this mess now I want to go to the tropical paradise then spend a small fortune at the Parc Market. Ring me in an extreme emergency only and I mean extreme' Grin.

Show quote history

Well this simply isn’t true, is it? OP asked her to come with them and she refused, she’s being a total martyr. If OP doesn’t put her foot down now, her DD is going to spend the next few years thinking she can rule the roost. It will make OP’s life miserable.

It’s shit she’s found herself pregnant and single but she’s 34, not 14. She will have to get on with it as many women do. I’m sure her family will support her but she can’t expect them to drop everything and be at her beck and call.

Gloriia · 23/02/2026 08:43

isthesolution · 23/02/2026 08:12

Darling I love you. I’m going to center Parcs this weekend. If you don’t want to be alone then join us. You make the decision on what you are doing but I make the decision on what I am doing and I’ll be going. Just let me know when you decide x

More like 'You got yourself into this mess now I want to go to the tropical paradise then spend a small fortune at the Parc Market. Ring me in an extreme emergency only and I mean extreme' Grin.

Gloriia · 23/02/2026 08:40

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Me neither.

GingerPants · 23/02/2026 08:31

You would be unreasonable not to go.

Sisandbro81 · 23/02/2026 08:13

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isthesolution · 23/02/2026 08:12

Darling I love you. I’m going to center Parcs this weekend. If you don’t want to be alone then join us. You make the decision on what you are doing but I make the decision on what I am doing and I’ll be going. Just let me know when you decide x

goz · 23/02/2026 08:08

I mean you aren’t being unreasonable to go on a planned trip, but some of your comments are a bit weird. Your daughter’s partner walks out on her while she’s pregnant and your first thought is how it impacts you and you’re stressed and worried that she might need help from you?

Sisandbro81 · 23/02/2026 08:08

This reply has been deleted

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OneGreySeal · 23/02/2026 08:07

bridgetreilly · 22/02/2026 17:53

You need to go, for her sake as well as yours. The reality is that she is soon to be a single parent and she needs to be able to stand on her own two feet. Of course you will offer support of various kinds, but you cannot put your whole life on hold in the way she seems to be expecting. Better for her to realise this now than in six months time, imo.

I actually agree with this. Let her down now so she realises how much of a massive disappointment you are earlier on so she knows not to rely on you later on.

OneGreySeal · 23/02/2026 08:04

Whyarepeople · 22/02/2026 16:03

I'm finding your OP and the responses very odd.

This is your daughter, not some random relative. She's pregnant with her first child and her partner has left her, but you don't know the exact circumstances - why not? How do you know so little about your own daughter's life?

You say 'It’s caused DH and I a lot of stress as we fear she is going to be very reliant on us when the baby is born.' That strikes me as an extremely strange way to react to the genuine difficulty your own child is experiencing. It's causing you stress? Is that all you care about? Surely you would want your daughter, who is unexpectedly going to be a single mother, to rely on you for support, given you're her mother? Am I missing something?

I can understand you wanting to go on holiday and in general that's not unreasonable. But something about how you talk about your daughter gives me the chills. She sounds very very upset. In that situation I would want to go to my DD and comfort her. But that's no how you're feeling. Do you feel she's overdramatising things? Do you dislike her?

I can't understand why everyone is saying that she needs to grow up. This isn't a toddler demanding more biscuits, this is a woman in a very stressful situation asking her parents for support. To me that seems like a very reasonable request. There's no way I'd go to CP and leave my pregnant daughter to struggle. But I love my DD and I want the best for her. I thought that was pretty standard.

I am baffled.

Mumsnet hates pregnant women and postpartum women. It’s a desperate race to the bottom on here god forbid a woman seek help in these difficult circumstances from her nearest. Hedonism is has killed any villager mentality. Most people on here have had seriously miserable experiences and expect others to suffer too.

Op comes across as having a sterile relationship with her daughter.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 23/02/2026 07:20

I controlled my GD in my second and third pregnancies through diet alone, which is entirely possible. My first pregnancy wasn't great as I had undiagnosed GD and my DD ended up being 11lb5.5oz..! That was... interesting 😆

Sisandbro81 · 23/02/2026 06:27

WhenRealityHits · 22/02/2026 23:38

No-one said that every single woman with gestational diabetes was overweight.
You're the exception if you eat immaculately all your life.

However, women who are seriously overweight are 3 times more likely to get it than women who are not overweight, so being overweight is a significant risk factor and not a judgement.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gestational-diabetes/

Who's at risk of gestational diabetes
Any woman can develop gestational diabetes during pregnancy, but you're at an increased risk if:

  • you are over 40
  • your body mass index (BMI) is above 30 – use the BMI healthy weight calculator to work out your BMI
  • you previously had a baby who weighed 4.5kg (10lb) or more at birth
  • you had gestational diabetes in a previous pregnancy
  • 1 of your parents or siblings has diabetes
  • you are of south Asian, Black, African-Caribbean or Middle Eastern origin (even if you were born in the UK)
  • you have had a gastric bypass or other weight-loss surgery

If any of these apply to you, you should be offered screening for gestational diabetes during your pregnancy.

Show quote history

After much back and forth, I think @Hiptothisjive eventually understood the point we were trying to make when we said obesity is A risk factor

ultracynic · 23/02/2026 00:03

Have you got a spare room for her at CP? You can’t just rock up with an extra person so you’d have to ring them or book an extra lodge.

Does your daughter work, if so does she expect you to wait at home on standby? Could she arrange to see friends?

It sounds like this might be the last break you get for a while, so I think you should go and spend time with your existing grandchildren.

WhenRealityHits · 22/02/2026 23:38

Hiptothisjive · 22/02/2026 15:45

What are you on about? I was slim and perfectly healthy and ate immaculately due to pregnancy and got it anyone. Please don’t armchair medically give information.

Of the 10 in my NHS class all were slim and were surprised as the age well too.

Not okay with victim blaming on this one.

Show quote history

No-one said that every single woman with gestational diabetes was overweight.
You're the exception if you eat immaculately all your life.

However, women who are seriously overweight are 3 times more likely to get it than women who are not overweight, so being overweight is a significant risk factor and not a judgement.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gestational-diabetes/

Who's at risk of gestational diabetes
Any woman can develop gestational diabetes during pregnancy, but you're at an increased risk if:

  • you are over 40
  • your body mass index (BMI) is above 30 – use the BMI healthy weight calculator to work out your BMI
  • you previously had a baby who weighed 4.5kg (10lb) or more at birth
  • you had gestational diabetes in a previous pregnancy
  • 1 of your parents or siblings has diabetes
  • you are of south Asian, Black, African-Caribbean or Middle Eastern origin (even if you were born in the UK)
  • you have had a gastric bypass or other weight-loss surgery

If any of these apply to you, you should be offered screening for gestational diabetes during your pregnancy.

nhs.uk

Calculate your body mass index (BMI) - NHS

Check an adult's or child's BMI to find out if they're a healthy weight.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-weight/bmi-calculator/

TunnocksOrDeath · 22/02/2026 21:16

Gloriia · 22/02/2026 17:11

'I think there’s something rather sinister and toxic about people who demand that others miss out on enjoyment'

That's rather dramatic. There is absolutely nothing sinister nor toxic about a 6mth pregnant dd with GD wanting her dm to stay home and offer support. I'd do it but as I say some of us have better relationships with our dms/dds than others.

But support has been offered - they literally asked her to join them at center parcs, where she could be taken care of by her family, and get some rest. Instead of accepting that offer, she is demanding that her parents ruin her sister's family holiday by cancelling at the last minute and hang around at home in case she wants to call them. I would never do that to my sibling. Ever. And my sibling certainly would never try to ruin my DC's holiday like that.