Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

If you completely forgot then what you have done to apologise is all I would personally ask of you. She is allowed to feel annoyed and let down, but unless this is pattern ftom you ( and I don’t get the sense that it is) then she needs to move on. If I was your friend I would not expect you to have to keep grovelling. Mistakes happen.
Be careful that this isn’t held over you forever more. I get the sense it might be.
I think you need to stop apologising now. Let her come back to you or not. Don’t keep apologising and desperately trying to make it right. You made an honest mistake. Those happen.

If I were you I would keep careful watch for an opportunity in future to sweep in with a big (unasked for) favour or gift, if you are still friends.

These things happen, send her something nice and a heartfelt apology.

I think your friend is being ridiculous. Sometimes people forget things. I nearly forgot an appointment of my own last week because something happened that put it out of my mind. It was a mistake and she needs to get over it. You're not responsible for people "always letting her down".

It's one of those unfortunate situations where nobody is really to blame but everybody is hurting. I think all you can do is apologise and say it was a genuine mistake. Anyone can make a mistake and forget something. And, hard as it is for her, she has to let it go and not read more into it than was there. If she uses it as an ' evrrybody lets me down' example then she is not being realistic about what happened. Obviously if it turns out she has cancer you can reach out, but if she continues to bring it up or use it against you then I think you need to pull back. There is only so much a person can do if another person chooses to continue to be unfair and unreasonable.

OP, I think you were massively in the wrong here, and agree with PPs about why your friend is so hurt and needs time, and about you making excuses.

However, your last update is very reasonable, and shows you care and are trying to think in a considerate way towards her (eg. understanding that you have a DH for support and it's totally different for her). Just keep up with the reasonableness, rather than making excuses or trying to justify it, and I'm sure things will be ok in time.

Yes exactly.

What's crazy is that if a poster was saying they felt worthless, posters would be encouraging them to reach out to friends.

They don't seem to realise that it's precisely this sort of treatment from friends that makes one feel worthless in the first place, and unable to ask for support. Support that wouldn't be needed if people didn't forget single people are worthwhile humans too!

It’s sad OP’s friend is probably thinking the same thing right and will think twice before asking for help unfortunately.

Some of my married friends are brilliant but I have experienced from some people in the past the attitude you’re referring to .

For something that important, my friends would message several reminders, including the day of. But then several friends have experienced what middle age can do to short term memory. My own short term memory has betrayed me so many times in the last few years. It's not as though you didn't show up on purpose.

i can’t believe the reactions here. Why on earth did your friend not text you closer to the new date (“still ok for hospital on wed?”) and then send a text the night before (“thanks again, appointment at 9 so I’ll be ready for 8.15, really appreciate it!”)

yes you offered to drive but your friend is responsible for getting herself to her appointment not you.

id never leave something like this to chance. if my friend says she’ll bring my brolly to the office after i left it at her house on Saturday ill text them Sunday night to say “brolly reminder for tomorrow! See you in the morning”.

this whole situation could have been avoided by your friend. You’re both in the wrong !

Oh bloody hell - I hope you and the poster after you never make a mistake.

Yes, it is a big thing to forget but people do make mistakes and forget things and clearly the op is distraught about it. She has held her hands up and wants to know how to make it right.

Op age is understandably upset, just give her time and I'm sorry to say this, but in the worst case scenario be prepared for it to be the end of the friendship. I hope. Not though and you get a chance to apologise again and for her to be able to move past this.

It sounds like you've acknowledged all the important points and have acknowledged that it was your mistake. Not wanting to let her down when the appointment changed to half term is a good deed - you could have said I'm really sorry but I can't do that week at all, but you didn't - so you still prioritised her. We all know life is never predictable when you have a child or children, and one with a chest infection who needs to see a doctor is the obvious priority, even though everything else goes out of your head - that's pretty normal.

You've apologised & explained, the appointment went ahead & all is well so what's the biggie? You've learned your own lesson - your own family comes first no matter what, in future remember that - especially if the friend wants you to eat a double dose of humble pie and wear black for the foreseeable.

Hopefully she'll come round, or she won't but don't overcompensate if she won't be reasonable.

I personally think some people on this thread are being dramatic. If my friend was an otherwise good, loyal, and reliable friend, and truly did just forget because their kid had a chest infection, I'd feel privately mad at the time, and then I'd rapidly get over it and accept that my friend's child's chest infection takes priority over transporting me to an appointment I can get to myself. If it was a pattern of behaviour, it would be different, but as a one off, it's really not that deep.

People are overthinking it. It doesn't show she doesn't care about her friend, or that her friend isn't a priority, or whatever. All it shows is that humans are humans who sometimes forget things, and that mum brain takes over when you're rushing around with children. And in all honesty, your child is almost always going to take priority over a friend.

You've said sorry and meant it. I wouldn't go over the top with cards etc. I also don't really get why she didn't message you to ask what time you'd be coming, etc.

I can appreciate she feels hurt, but people on here are really digging deep into this situation and giving you are hard time for a mistake.

Colposcopies can be very painful, I'd give her time to recover. I'm not I'd want to bothered with texting back & forth if I'd had a rough procedure and she might need a bit of time once she's feeling better to let it go.

You could send flowers, but don't grovel now. You've apologised properly and fairly, you can apologise again in person or on the phone when you both speak properly but there's no need for self-flaggellation.

i think ur friend is partly to blame here. She should’ve sent you a reminder in the morning. I forget a lot of important things bc of my kids! Bring the holidays and routine change then I’m guaranteed to forgot a lot. I use my calendar for literally the smallest of things but even then I forget bc sometimes my phone doesn’t alert me or I’m so busy that I’ll miss the notification on my phone as I’m quickly going into my phone to do something and then the notification is removed from the screen but I actually haven’t seen it.

People are giving you a hard time, OP. If a friend was driving me to the hospital, I would text in the morning to check they are still able to do it. And a child with asthma and a chest infection is a very stressful situation - easy to forget everything else. I have had a gynae colposcopy more than once, and have also looked after an asthmatic child with a chest infection many times. I definitely found the latter to be much much much more stressful.

I am so sorry for you..i was horrified when i saw the collective bitches pounce on you. You obviously got the hormonal SAHM replies first ..(..think glass houses)

It was a forgotten outpatient appointment..not life or death
You have never let her down before..its a first
You are not perfect...who is?
You both usually remind each other....she obviously forgot to
A friend who does not forgive the first mistake is not a friend ...it is a tyrant
She knew it was half term..she knew you had children....as another parent she should empathise and forgive
Dont keep apologising...you are giving fuel to her grievance

You have apologised..now leave her be, she will soon realise that that she is jeopardising her only reliable friendship and hopefully apologise to you for making such a drama out of a simple, understandable mistake.
Now relax, ignore the comments and forgive yourself!

Do you speak to people like this in real life?

Unforgivable? Really?

Missing the point, but what is a coloscopy?

@thezanyscroller I'm in the market for a crystal ball, could you tell me where you got yours please?

TYIA x

Op, you made a mistake, and yes - it was a doozy of a mistake, but it was not intentional so all you can really do now is sit with this unfortunately and learn from it.

I would personally reach out once more and send flowers and a card with a heart-felt apology and detail what she means to you as a friend but I'd say in it that you really hope she is willing to move forwards with you as you are committed to doing better in future but that you will ultimately respect her decision if she chooses not to and if you don't hear from her then you'll take it that she doesn't want to hear from you.

Worded better than that in some way!

I think ultimately op mistakes happen and I don't think it's right to use silence in this way, but then again she's maybe just had a serious health scare and that's hard as a single person.

I get that but then she went on to practically blame the friend for not reminding her and having previous for silent treatment.

In your opinion you mean… I get that it wasn’t done on purpose but to then to try and excuse it by blaming the friend on previous “ silent treatment” or that she didn’t remind her makes a very disappointing friend indeed. Own it, apologise and make a nice gesture is what most sincere friends would do. I certainly would and wouldn’t class it as being ridiculous however, we’re all different.

You don’t always know, my DD almost died during an asthma episode, she was already admitted to hospital on o2, she only went to the toilet and took the mask off for 5 mins. No one expected her o2 to drop so quickly she would need to be resuscitated. It’s not uncommon for my daughter to be happily getting ready for school, then by 8.30 feeling a bit under the weather and we decide to go to school, then by lunchtime she’s been admitted to hospital.

The slightest cough from my DD triggers PTSD and I go into high alert mode, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else. Sometimes things escalate, sometimes they don’t. But a chest infection would have me very worried. And I have to be completely on top of even the mildest asthma episode as especially in children things can change very fast. I totally let a friend down once while we were in hospital and it took me two days before I even realised I fucked up. She didn’t say anything, she gave me the benefit of the doubt because we are friends.

lets not forget OP was doing her friend a favour, like she has done many times before. Her friend is lucky to have someone she can (usually) rely on, many people don’t.

It wasn't that much of an emergency else OP would've taken her to hospital rather than GP

And still doesn't explain not bothering to put in phone calendar in first place