Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

Stop beating yourself up. You made a mistake and apologised. It's not as if you didn't bother. If she can't accept that, then she's the one who is behaving poorly.

Being unaccompanied probably limited the anaesthesia she could have. And in my experience, even with milder anaesthesia, I was still quite high when I was sent home. I really couldn't face public transport so got a cab on my own while obviously not quite with it. The cab driver was understanding and kind. I suppose they are used to it when they pick up from hospitals. But it wasn't a situation I would choose to put myself in. And I was absolutely exhausted afterwards. I could just about make it up the stairs and flake out on the bed fully clothed.

So it isn't as simple as not giving her a lift there and not picking her up later like dropping her off to do some shopping. Not doing what you'd agreed to do probably made a horrible situation a whole lot worse for her. You did a crappy thing. Just own it and stop trying to minimise it and don't even dream of shifting any of the blame onto her and her expectations.

I’ve seen that you’ve already been picked up on this mistake, so forget it. Although you do have to expect more than one poster to notice a mistake like that, I should have read a bit further.

Quite simple; someone asked what she was doing about childcare, so she answered.

Bloody hell, bit harsh. The woman’s kid was ill. The other woman got to her appointment on time and it was fine. Disappointing but life and shit happens.
glad u lot r not my friends

Exactly! 🙄

@MamaBee22

Wow - I’m really surprised at some or the responses!! Brutal!

Space and time. If she uses the silent treatment as a response, she’s not great at emotional regulation, so let her come to you.

Also, don’t over apologise, you’ve apologised and explained, and apologised again. Leave it there. Unless you get to see her, the maybe one more as you hug it out.

Hopefully, although she may need a gentle reminder later if is still holding the grudge, she’ll remember all the other times you HAVEN’T let her down.

Everyone is going to let us down and hurt us at some point, EVERYONE, because we are human, we all make mistakes, we can all drop balls under pressure, the people just have to be worth the pain.

Your friend sounds like she has unresolved stuff from her childhood. That is hers to own.

Hopefully the friendship does survive, but if she really can’t get past this, then in all honesty, it then says more about her than you.

Sure, maybe a learning point to make is to use reminders, but we can still overlook them at times of stress.

Glad she still got there and it went well.

Oh honestly! Did you read all OPs posts? She has been profusely apologetic, has offered to make up for forgetting but the friend didn't reply. And now finally they're going to talk. In no way did OP blame the friend or appear not to be that bothered.

Some people on here must have trouble keeping relationships with so little give and take / grace and forgiveness.

So you’re blaming her reaction not your action? You say you own it but then bemoan her making you feel as guilty as possible?

She likely feels unloved and let down. She has a right to feel upset and sometimes silence is hurt. What can she say? You f’d up and don’t seem that bothered.

Of course everyone makes mistakes but why haven’t you made it up to her already? Treated her, and told her she does matter to you.

Op probably made the plan to take her friend before her child go ill. One mistake in a long friendship doesn’t make someone a bad or unreliable friend, yeh op was unreliable but I bet there’s plenty more times she’s been there for her friend

Totally agree with the last few posters. It was an easy mistake that you apologised for and offered to rectify. Your friend is overreacting. She still got to the appointment and should remember that you've been there for her for years but you had a sick child.

Has she never made a mistake?

OP - it was clearly a mistake and you are obviously sorry. Remember that you were doing her a favour and taking time out of your busy life to help a friend when her family wouldn’t. She could have easily organised a taxi as well. I think her response is disproportionate to your mistake.

This also. You always send a gentle reminder. Particularly if someone is putting themselves out for you as the OP was.

This. If I don't put things in my phone calendar with several reminders and sometimes an alarm if it's something that is not a routine occurrence it will be gone forever from my head no matter how much I tried to remember. I think some people on here have no idea how busy and full other people's heads are.

I have to set an alarm to remind me to take my suitcase off the train as I normally commute with just the one bag. One time I didn't even get on the train with my case as I left it in the boot of my car.

That said, I haven't forgotten much over time as the system usually works. But it would only take someone else to distract me at the time someone told me about the appointment and I wouldn't put it in my phone. And I developed the system obviously because I did drop a ball or two. It happens.

And weirdly expected the OP to drag her sick kid to and from a hospital appointment. I don’t understand how some of the comments here suggest th OP is wildly selfish and the friend is better off without her?

Exactly… I’d even go as far as saying the OP’s friend, knowing that OP has a sick child, should have offered to make alternative arrangements.

Why would she want her friend to drag her sick child to hospital and back? I wouldn’t want my friend to do that with their sick child!

maybe OP overcommitted and didn’t want to let her friend down, as she said - she’s her friend’s only constant (I wonder if that means the friend loses and pushes people away?) and perhaps pressured herself, at the expense of her kids and self, to accommodate the friend’s needs?

Agree some of the reactions here are crazy. Yes you made a mistake and yes I’d be annoyed at your forgetfulness - but having had multiple colposcopies myself you don’t need anyone to take you to/from the hospital! I can also see how having a poorly child could cause you to be scatterbrained on the day (and even if you hadn’t forgotten, the child clearly would be the priority).

Agree with sending a box of chocolates saying sorry - but tbh I’d then just leave it at that. If she wants to continue to hold it over you and change the dynamic of your friendship, that’s her problem.

To be honest with you, you apologized and were sincere. You even said you made a mistake. If she is being this upset over the fact that an unforeseen occurrence happened, and she cannot let it go. She isn't being a very good friend to you.

Are you sure she is using silence as a punishment? Some people (I am one of them) choose to withdraw into themselves until they have recovered from their anger, because they don't want to say anything they may later regret). This silence may be something she does for herself, not to punish you.

100% this. I can’t imagine not messaging a friend the day before we’re meeting for whatever reason and especially something as important as a hospital appointment. Even meeting for a coffee we’d message beforehand “looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. See you outside the cafe at 2pm!”

Sounds like the friend enjoys setting people up for failure and then she can wallow afterwards about them letting her down.

Send her the number for Uber and a bus timetable and tell her to make her own way, in future.

She's not a child, she's a grown adult and spitting her dummy out of the fact won't change that fact!

Tell her that, as you can only be reliable 99 times out of the hundred, she should cut her losses and make her own way!

She sounds insufferable.

It wasn’t a colonoscopy. Pages back. It was a colposcopy.

I have picked a friend up from
a colonoscopy before - he was a housemate & he did need someone with him. But a colposcopy doesn’t really need a friend dragging a sick child out or a bunch of kids going to and fro in half term.

Yes this. If I was relying on a friend with young kids & my procedure switched to half term I’d make alternative arrangements. Probably a taxi for something minor.

Sounds like she's been using you essentially as a carer for a long time, so much so that you now feel this is your rightful role, whether or not it's convenient given your own family concerns.

Perhaps it's time to ask whether the friendship itself really justifies such one-sided obligations.

You were obviously in the wrong but the reactions here are ridiculous. You were doing her a favour for a start. She should have texted you at least to check you remembered/ were on your way etc.
I had to take a friend to a medical appointment recently (and she actually had no other way of getting there) and she texted before etc - its what a normal person would do. The appointment might be top of the appointees mind but it isn't necessarily top of the favour-givers mind. If i'm relying on people for a lift i remind them
I've had colonscopy's- they're not the most pleasant experience but not as bad as people are saying- I'd be more concerned about getting home if i was drowsy.

its fine for her to be a bit annoyed (although it depends how awkward the alternative was or whether it was really the handholding rather than the lift she wanted) but tbh if it becomes a punishment/silent treatment it would really annoy me and make me really unlikely to offer favours in future