Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

The friend does have children. So she can presumably understand worrying about sick children.

But the friend has done nothing that is acting like "a spoilt brat".

Expecting someone to show up (or message of an emergency has arisen) when they've arranged to, and having double checked a few days earlier, is not spoilt brat behaviour, it's expecting basic courtesy from another person.

It's you who appears unable to accept others can have a different opinion, and unempatheric in general. I cannot imagine agreeing to help out a friend and forgetting and then thinking somehow the friend is wrong for being hurt! (And I say that as someone who is very self sufficient myself.)

I had a colonoscopy a few years ago, drove myself to the hospital and drove home afterwards - no big deal. The short notice and the expense of an uber would definitely be annoying. However, she is single and therefore cannot understand the worry and stress of caring for your sick child, everything takes a back seat to that. If she cuts off the friend who is there for her 99% of the time it will be her loss imo.

I'm single and I still don't have empathy for the friend. I rely on myself and don't sulk when someone accidently forgets that their world does not revolve around me!

Because the friend is acting like a spoilt brat. I think I've said it three times now and I also think I've said I'm so pleased my dear friends are not this fkn childish.

Are we going to go back and forth because you're bored? Or are you happy to accept that people have differing opinions..

Not surprised at all that she leans on you more than her.
She sees you as her PA.
She was childless, but could have asked her Ex?
She has other friends, sibling and parents.

She moved the date to mid term when you have children at home and an absent husband.
She chose not to check in by text the night before or the morning, knowing you are parenting alone.

I think she is a cheeky fxxker who needs to realise that the whole world doesn't revolve around her.
Why couldn't she get her self to such an appointment alone rather than bother you during mid term, particularly as she didn't have her children?

And your children were sick.
Her silence at your repeated apologies 🙄.
She's a complete drama llama and OP you need to drop the rope.
Good friends don't impose on friends unless its an emergency, especially when parenting at mid term alone with sick children.
Get a taxi or call her family.
Stop apologising to her for having a family and sick children.

I mean, I get why she is annoyed but if I was her, I would have messaged the night before to confirm the time you were picking me up, am surprised this type of conversation didn't happen?

How has the friend been manipulative? Let alone "extremely" so? She needs a few days space because she feels hurt by being forgotten. That's understandable.

Why is she expected to jump to replying to the OP when OP forgot about her? Why the double standards?

The friend hasn't objected to the OPs family coming first. She's hurt because OP agreed to help, then didn't let her know she couldn't.

Erm, no - I was being sarcastic about the "easily done".

My point being, if posters think it's easy to forget to take someone to a hospital appointment (a big thing), they should apply the same thinking to not replying to a message (a much smaller and therefore presumably even easier to forget thing).
Yet they are saying it's understandable OP forgot but terrible the friend isn't replying - they can't have it both ways.

I just find the double standards odd.
And it's not the OP - she seems to be understanding! But other posters really laying into the friend.

OP, I think she has acted really poorly.
I would be very slow to make an offers or commitments to her in future.

Her silent treatment is extremely manipulative and I think you need to step back.

She relies on you but actually your children and family come first and you really shouldn't be punished for that.
Stop tolerating this from her.

You can drive home from a colposcopy, I think you’ve missed that it’s not a colonoscopy.

Exactly and the thing is if you’ve messed up and you don’t want to apologise fine then maybe just go your separate ways, but the idea of deliberately inflaming the situation and upsetting your already hurt friend further by sending her bus timetables is absurd.

Its like of you don’t want to help me or acknowledge you’ve let me down okay, but don’t patronise and antagonise me by sending a bus timetable - unless I asked you to send one!

I am convinced some of these posters on MN don’t actually have any friends because that is surely the way to end a friendship.

No - it’s not. The whole first post is literally about the fact that OP forgot.

It took a text from her friend asking if she forgot for her to realise and according to OP by then it was too late.

I am talking about OP remembering her friend appointment, then as soon as possible after realising her child is sick/needs a GP calling her first thing to give her warning that she can no longer go. And then offer to bring her back in that same conversation (if she’s sure she can make it). Completely different scenario to what they outlined.

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.
Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?
Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot

Then, if it's easily done, perhaps she needs to take her own advice..

She did nothing that was "acting like a spoilt brat".
It's perfectly acceptable to feel hurt if someone lets you down.

As for not replying to a message - perhaps she just forgot, eh? Easily done, apparently...

You can do an Uber or taxi for this appointment. As long as u r not driving yourself home

Id just repeat that it was a genuine mistake and apologise again. Then the balls in her court. If she sulks dont react to it and wait for her to make next contact.

So, what would you call it then?

As I've said upthread, I'm lucky my wonderful friends do not behave ln this way. They realise that no one's perfect and if there's a problem, we air it out and move along, not sulk for days like a petulant child. Some grown women are immature, and it shows!

If you actually read the quote history, you'll see I was replying to comments about how single people are often viewed/treated. As if it's less important for them to have support at difficult times, for example, or judgement over them when actually they manage much more alone day-to-day than coupled up people.

The relatively short amount of time I've spent in a decent relationship had really opened my eyes to how much easier things are, how different things are when there's someone to share with and help each other out by default. As a single person it's so difficult with things like hospital appts where there's an expectation you have someone to support you (I was almost denied an operation a few years ago because of this; they weren't keeping people in overnight due to covid).

And attitudes displayed on this thread must contribute to single people feeling worthless. Not the OP, who seems to be taking things on board and understanding, but other posters who show no empathy for the friend, openly state she should be low on the priority list - not even bothering to let her know she needs to make alternative arrangements - and view her withdrawing in hurt as somehow "punishing" the OP. Oh, and even blaming her for not having other supportive people around - as if that's her fault, rather than a result of people with these attitudes that friends shouldn't need support.

Can you honestly not see that lots of people treating someone as low priority like this could make them feel, totally understandably, worthless to society?

OP's friend didn't act like a spoilt brat. Two days of not replying to messages is not the silent treatment.

No, its not. It's the silent treatment and acting like a spoilt brat that does it!

I have a lot of friends and not one of them would behave like this in a situation. I suppose I'm lucky 🙂

Yeah if only she’d apologised and offered to pick her up, that would’ve been a brilliant idea.

Fgs read the updates, only 9 of them!

Oh please, the shittiest behaviour is when someone who's fucked up insists that actually, they're the saint and the victim.

Being annoyed when someone lets you down is not shitty behaviour.

I disagree. I do think ringing or reminding you was her responsibility, no matter how close you are and how important you are to each other. You're both adults with busy lives and its easy to forget things. In my family and friend group, we always call or text the night before or on the day to make sure we're all good.

Obviously, you made a mistake but you didn't do it on purpose and you apologised, so i would say give her space and don't let her walk all over you. Also, a question - has she ever done anything for you? do you get help from her or is it you mostly helping?

I stand by what I say. Said friend seems like a spoilt brat, and using the silent treatment as a way of punishment?

I'd sent her two bus timetables, just in case she lost the first one! There is no way I'd put up with that shitty behaviour, especially if I was the one going out of my way, again and again.

It's clear OP has gone above and beyond to help her. Here's the number for Uber..