Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

When you’re a mum and you have a poorly child with a chest infection then THAT does take over your brain and overrides everything else as you are concerned with a child who may behaving difficulty breathing etc! A normal response from a friend in this scenario would be oh no poor x i quite understand my appointment going out of your head! Not a problem I’ll just drive myself as it’s only a minor procedure and you keep little x indoors and warm as I wouldn’t want you to have to bring him out unnecessarily when he’s ill! THAT is a NORMAL response not ignoring the op and being stroppy with them! She’s clearly very self entitled and selfish

God no. Don't say that stuff about guilt. That would be adding insult to injury.

If she does keep piling the guilt on, you can just apologise and say you understand she's upset and you will give her some space.

Tbh, I don't understand why she didn't remind you. If I was in that position, I'd have sent a message in the morning thanking you again and saying see you at x time.

OP it doesn’t make a difference to your friend whether it was a mistake or not.

The thing that feels particularly hurtful in the context of her life is that she is not central to anyone else’s life, in the way family or a partner is, so she’s easier to forget about.

It’s easier for these mistakes to happen where she’s concerned. You wouldn't have forgotten the appointment if it was your husband’s or your child’s, because those people are woven into the fibre of your daily life and there wouldn’t have been room to forget. That’s not a criticism - it’s just the way things are.

Her feeling let down and forgotten about by people generally in her life is not your responsibility or fault. But it is how she feels.

You can hear that separately from her legit disappointment in your letting her down on this occasion.

But you will have to sit with your own guilt and discomfort about the impact (both practical and emotional) your forgetting has had on her, and not expect her to take the discomfort away for you.

I know you didn’t forget her on purpose but that’s pretty shitty of you not to have at least written on your calendar or put a reminder on your phone , especially as you said you’re juggling half term and poorly children.
She was probably understandably anxious and worried already and now most probably feels like she isn’t important enough to you.
Personally, I wouldn’t wait a few days, I’d send her a lovely bouquet of flowers and a heartfelt note.

If they can’t scrape enough cells off the cervix they also send you for one. It’s a very minor procedure over and done with in less than a minute and also no need not to not drive home afterwards! No sedation etc.
op I think your friend is being an attention seeking drama queen! You’ve apologised multiple times to her and offered to pick her up! What more does she want? Blood?!?!

Would your friend accompany you to an appointment? It's just that your post comes across a bit with her as a victim (let down by friends/family) and you as somehow responsible for her.

You have apologised (rightly so) and she can accept it or not. She didn't struggle to sort out her appt without you so perhaps next time you have the kids/no childcare etc and she wants help with something she can organise another way say no, sorry, you have enough on your plate.

Why didn’t she message you the night before? I can understand she’s upset but she didn’t exactly help herself. even if I’m meeting a friend or getting an airport pick up I text with a still on for tomorrow? Let alone something unmissable like this. You have a busy half term and unwell kids. So the procedure and prep is unpleasant but some pp above seem to think that’s your burden to carry. It isn’t. hopefully she’ll come round but if she doesn’t I don’t think I’d miss someone with such a capacity to bear a grudge. If it was me, and given she got there ok things had gone well, I’d draw a line under it.

It was her fault; and she is very sorry to have caused hurt; OP isn't denying she was wrong and isnt denying she has work to do to fix the situation, but it wasnt intentional, and OP is trying to mend the hurt.

Trying to guilt trip someone for something where accountability is already acknowledged, it is owned not denied. Using guilt in that situation is wrong, its a form of manipulation.

What else is guilt for? You tell me, when is using guilt ever acceptable?

I was going to say something similar. I find it really hard asking for help as I don’t have a village. It’s an awful feeling knowing you’ve got a reduced support network and being forced to reach out for help, and then being let down. I would feel pretty upset by this.

The message you've updated having sent her is perfect. You're doing a lot of minimising on this thread but you didn't to her which is the main thing.

It's not just the procedure itself, it's that you're there because there's a higher than usual risk of cervical cancer that makes it so stressful- it must have been upsetting to have been let down. But you've done all you can do now- I think flowers and chocs etc comes across as a bit manipulative, like you're trying to force her to immediately be OK . You've made a heartfelt apology. Ball's in her court now.

Oh wow you got my reply deleted 😆 it wasn't a personal attack, we are allowed to use the F word on mumsnet, and I wasn't swearing AT you FFS

Well it is what it is, you obviously need a better calendar and organisation system, perhaps you should flick over your diary/wall calendar/phone every other day before bed ro see what's coming up

You've apologised and you're normally a great reliable friend to her so I wouldn't put up with feeling too guilty or over apologising, she can choose to forgive and move on or not now..

I personally would/she should have rung on the day really when you didn't text to say you were on the way or the night before to confirm. But I get why she wouldn't since she checked in a few days before and if you're normally reliable

@MamaBee22 I think your friend needs to perhaps take some of the responsibility here too...

Did she phone/message you the night before saying "what time are you picking me up tomorrow?"? Because she absolutely should have done that! Expecting people with kids just to remember is tempting fate!

Also, you had a poorly child to deal with, which means other things get forgotten, so if you hadn't had a reminder the night before, it's not surprising you forgot.

Personally I think your friend was nuts to ask someone with kids in half term to take them and collect them from a hospital appointment.

This is what l would do too but would also say something like l'm here when you are ready to get back in touch.

OK why you swearing at me

Why do you think she has few other friends?

The OP claims that she is the most dependable person in this friend's life - but she also imagines that a grown woman who doesn't reply to her for a couple of days is 'giving her the silent treatment'. Most people I know would call that 'an adult having a life'.

It's perfectly reasonable for the friend to be annoyed, and if she'd decided the OP isn't worth bothering with any more, I couldn't really blame her.

😭Genuine tears. Will they do?

And this is why, as a single person, I never share my problems or ask anybody for help or assistance. Threads on mumsnet announcing ‘she’s single, she’s got form for this, that and blah, blah’ even when whatever has happened isn’t their fault. Honestly, so many people treat their single ‘friends’ like total shit and use every excuse under the sun to justify it.

While I sort of agree that it is ultimately the responsibility of the appointment owner, I think it's a pretty crap friend who forgets something like this.

When I was in a similar situation, my friend was texting me first thing morning to see how I was feeling about everything and to confirm her expected arrival time etc. There was a basic understanding that I would be stressed enough about the procedure already and a desire to alleviate any worries about the logistics.

And I have done exactly the same thing when I have been on the helping end of the arrangements.

Omg id be fuming she will have done all the prep for nothing and now will likely be booted to the bottom of the list. Have you ever had a colonoscopy? Do you understand how bad the prep is. How do you forget something like that.

You tried to do a kind thing and forgot
But the appointment time changed, it was half term and it meant taking your kids with you there and back. I wouldn't put a friend to that much trouble and would get a taxi.
The friend should have text in the morning to make sure it was all OK still.
You forgot but there was alot going on for you.

You forgot the hair shirt and ringing a bell shouting shame shame

Nice thought, but I would amend it to a couple of bunches of beautiful spring daffodils, a “really sorry I fucked up” card, and a cake delivered by you in person.

If it's unforgivable then maybe the friend (who has few other friends, wonder why?) should just cut OP out and remove the problem that way, no?
Or she could accept that a mistake was made, no real harm was done and forgive her friend. Crazy I know.