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Original poster

Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

588 replies

MamaBee22 · 22/02/2026 14:28

First time posting so please bare with me..

I forgot to take my best friend of 20 years to her colosopy appt. We'd arranged for me to take her and stay with her/bring her back, but the date changed to half term. No childcare and hubby at work so I still offered to drop her off and pick her up. She mentioned a few days prior and I said yeah no problem still good to go.

Fast forward to the day of appt. My DC has a chest infection so had to get her a drs appointment and being completely truthful it just slipped my mind. I didn't realise until it was too late and she text me saying have you forgot?

Obviously I went into panic mode and no deflection, I own my mistake and there's no excuse I shouldn't have forgot. I'm only human and it just slipped my mind. I apologised and said I understand why she'd be cross but let me know how it went.

I'm am a dependable friend 99% of the time. I am the most constant person in her life (she's single) and have never let her down before.

She ignored me for a couple of days and then sent a text saying how pissed off she was, people always let her down and its a difficult thing to forget and she doesn't want to talk about it.

Apart from giving her space, is there anything I can do to fix this? I feel sad to loose my friend over a stupid mistake.

Sadly she can be known to use silence as a form of punishment and has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible. Obviously I can take that on the chin, it is my fault, but I have a horrible feeling she will continue to bring this up long term.

Thank you

OP posts:
CharlotteFlax · 22/02/2026 16:12

She's massively over-reacting and will be a dick if she stops being your friend over this. I think you wouldn't have forgotten if you weren't distracted by having a poorly child, which in the moment is the most important thing to think about. I assume you've explained this to her and reassured her that she is important to you and you're really sorry.

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 22/02/2026 16:12

OP you're getting such a hard time on this thread so I'll try to offer something constructive if you're still reading. I would have a deep think about why you didn't put the appointment in your diary. I wonder if some unconscious part of you didn't want to take her and is sick of being relied upon by her. From the way you describe being the constant in her life and being subjected to the silent treatment etc- it sounds like this dynamic isn't working for you and you're fed up of that. Others have given you good advice about making amends (flowers etc) but you could also use this moment to create some distance if supporting her is just too much on top of parenting etc and you feel this is a one sided dynamic where you don't get much back. You haven't said this so I could be way off the mark- just reading between the lines and pondering whether there is deeper resentment that may have informed this incident.

Breadcat24 · 22/02/2026 16:12

@Nearly50omg If after examination they would have decided thermal ablation or LLETZ was in order they would have done it then during the appointment. Not a 2 minute and upsetting.
Hope you do not have it -it is not nice. Please do not minimize it.

SerendipityJane · 22/02/2026 16:11

For me ultimately responsibility ends with your friend .

Does that make the OP the victim here then ?

motheroreily · 22/02/2026 16:11

Whoinvented · 22/02/2026 16:09

I’ve never been one to rely on anyone else and would never ask for a lift anyway/ especially if you have kids , work etc I think it’s a big ask?

I’ve had a coloscopy and it wasn’t a big deal. It’s not nice but in all our lives we’re going to have procedures. Could she not have got a Taxi without asking a favour ?

Edited

I agree. I wouldn't ask a friend for a lift. I'd get a taxi. I think expecting a friend to do it in half term is a lot.

Flowertrees · 22/02/2026 16:10

TeachWithMissM · 22/02/2026 15:19

From the POV of someone who has cared for someone through multiple colonoscopies (also called coloscopies in the US) I just want to offer a bit of insight as to why your friend may have (justifiably) been so upset by this.
if the procedure was the more minor colposcopy instead of colonoscopy then please absolutely ignore this

colonoscopy prep starts with a clear liquids only diet which means no food for 24 hours + before the procedure and therefore often feeling quite shaky and weak to begin with. Then, the prep itself involves drinking a horrible solution that essentially makes you lose all the contents of your bowel through diarrhoea (and can sometimes also cause vomiting) - this often continues through the night so your friend will also have been feeling really quite poorly. Having to come up with alternative travel arrangements last minute while feeling so unwell was likely very difficult for her. A colonoscopy involves sedation so when you arrive at the hospital they (in my experience) ask who they should call when you are finished to come and pick you up as they are not allowed to release you alone. I can imagine she may have felt hugely embarrassed and alone to be stood there possibly not sure whose name to give at this point. The procedure itself can be anxiety inducing, and while the sedation is wearing off patients often can feel not totally with it. One of my friends had an awful reaction where it triggered traumatic flashbacks and she needed close care for 24 hours afterwards. Even with a less serious reaction, they were likely feeling groggy and confused for several hours after they got home and the person they were expecting to be there for them wasn’t.

again, there’s now nothing you can do - but this is to explain her reaction as you seem to feel it is out of proportion which I really don’t believe it is. Mistakes happen but that doesn’t minimise how she will have felt.

Just on this point, they aren’t always this bad. I had no sedation, drove myself there and back afterwards. No issue whatsoever.

Alcoholtakingherlife · 22/02/2026 16:10

It's just a mistake OP you re human with other priorities too so just say sorry and mentally move on.

OriginalUsername2 · 22/02/2026 16:09

ShawnaMacallister · 22/02/2026 15:38

Really? I think the friend needs to get over it. Silent treatment is shitty.

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I agree. OP’s child had a chest infection, so she was focused on that.

Whoinvented · 22/02/2026 16:09

I’ve never been one to rely on anyone else and would never ask for a lift anyway/ especially if you have kids , work etc I think it’s a big ask?

I’ve had a coloscopy and it wasn’t a big deal. It’s not nice but in all our lives we’re going to have procedures. Could she not have got a Taxi without asking a favour ?

PrismRain · 22/02/2026 16:09

Nearly50omg · 22/02/2026 16:04

Oh don’t be such a looking drama Llama! It was a 2 min procedure that’s very straightforward and simple and the op had a genuine medical condition to deal with with an ill child! Guilt?!! Over forgetting an appointment for an adult who was perfectly able to go herself on her own - and did! - now she’s giving her the silent treatment to punish her? 🙄 jeez if she carried on like that I’d tell her to grow up!

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You are unbelievably lacking in empathy here.

thanks2 · 22/02/2026 16:09

If she had sedation with a cone biopsy (which I highly recommend as I opted to not and the giant needle and smell of my flesh burning was not great) she would not be allowed to drive for 24hrs.

Alcoholtakingherlife · 22/02/2026 16:08

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 22/02/2026 14:33

Just need to give her space and be prepared to loose the friendship over this, not sure how you would of forgotten to be honest. You obviously don’t think she’s very important.

FFS OPs aughter was unwell it would be very easy given that your child is ALWAYS your first priority

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 22/02/2026 16:05

OP, you should obviously have set a reminder for yourself but you forgot and you’ve apologised.

im assuming your friend doesn’t drive? How did she get there in the end- taxi? I drove to and from mine when I had the same procedure with no issue.

just leave her to it now. Don’t go mad buying flowers, sending cards etc. you made a mistake because you had a poorly child, you’ve apologised. I wouldn’t keep fawning- there’s nothing more you can do.

Whoinvented · 22/02/2026 16:04

Ok you let her down but the night before she should have reminded you and the morning it’s normal to say see you in an hour etc she’s partly responsible

Nearly50omg · 22/02/2026 16:04

VoltaireMittyDream · 22/02/2026 15:58

OP it doesn’t make a difference to your friend whether it was a mistake or not.

The thing that feels particularly hurtful in the context of her life is that she is not central to anyone else’s life, in the way family or a partner is, so she’s easier to forget about.

It’s easier for these mistakes to happen where she’s concerned. You wouldn't have forgotten the appointment if it was your husband’s or your child’s, because those people are woven into the fibre of your daily life and there wouldn’t have been room to forget. That’s not a criticism - it’s just the way things are.

Her feeling let down and forgotten about by people generally in her life is not your responsibility or fault. But it is how she feels.

You can hear that separately from her legit disappointment in your letting her down on this occasion.

But you will have to sit with your own guilt and discomfort about the impact (both practical and emotional) your forgetting has had on her, and not expect her to take the discomfort away for you.

Oh don’t be such a looking drama Llama! It was a 2 min procedure that’s very straightforward and simple and the op had a genuine medical condition to deal with with an ill child! Guilt?!! Over forgetting an appointment for an adult who was perfectly able to go herself on her own - and did! - now she’s giving her the silent treatment to punish her? 🙄 jeez if she carried on like that I’d tell her to grow up!

youalright · 22/02/2026 16:03

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 22/02/2026 16:01

Maybe read the full thread before posting an angry reply that’s not relevant

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The majority of what I said still stands even though the op got the procedures mixed up. Promising someone you will take them to a hospital appointment and then forgetting when we all know how horrific waiting times are is not ok.

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 22/02/2026 16:03

You've apologised. Mistakes happen. My friend forgot she was looking after youngest DS during the service for my dad's funeral.

thanks2 · 22/02/2026 16:03

I think you mean a cone biopsy of her cervix - and yes people get one to check they don’t have cancer so I can imagine she was upset.

Portugal1987 · 22/02/2026 16:02

You’re only human! You can forget things!

You apologized, didn’t make excuses, told her the truth. If you want, bring her some flowers or take her out, otherwise she needs to get over it and move on.

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 22/02/2026 16:01

youalright · 22/02/2026 15:45

Omg id be fuming she will have done all the prep for nothing and now will likely be booted to the bottom of the list. Have you ever had a colonoscopy? Do you understand how bad the prep is. How do you forget something like that.

Maybe read the full thread before posting an angry reply that’s not relevant

BuckChuckets · 22/02/2026 16:01

You keep saying things like this. Not downplaying it, BUT, I know it's my fault, BUT, not making excuses, BUT, no deflecting, BUT. You're doing all of those things.

PeopleLikeColdplayYouCantTrustPeopleJez · 22/02/2026 16:00

So you forgot because your child got sick enough to go to the doctors on the same day? All you can do is apologise and hope she moves on from this but you can’t make her. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you weren’t malicious, it wasn’t because you don’t care, your child was ill and that took priority at that time.

Marinel · 22/02/2026 16:00

I think you both slipped up, she should have texted on the day to remind you, and you should have put a reminder in your phone calendar. I'm not surprised she is annoyed but she could easily have avoided it happening. And she got to the appointment anyway so no harm done.

youalright · 22/02/2026 16:00

ShawnaMacallister · 22/02/2026 15:51

Oh wow you got my reply deleted 😆 it wasn't a personal attack, we are allowed to use the F word on mumsnet, and I wasn't swearing AT you FFS

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I didn't get anything deleted.