Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

It was a colposcopy! She didn't have sedation.

I'm my DH's number one priority after his kids and vice versa. I'm not the number one priority of any of my friends and nor are they mine. A DP forgetting is different to a friend forgetting because her own kids were sick. Obviously.

You don’t need me to tell you that it wasn’t great that you forgot but in truth, it happens when you’re a parent carrying the mental and physical load for lots of other people. It was a clear, genuine mistake off the back of your child being unwell. A true friend would understand despite being irritated.

If you’ve had sedation they won’t let you go home in a taxi alone, you have to have a person they contact to accompany you.

So dramatic.
It was just a mistake. It's done, she apologised, it needs to be forgiven.

Sorry you’re getting a hard time on here OP.

As someone who has recently had a colposcopy for CIN1, you are recommended not to drive after LLETZ or cone biopsy. A normal colposcopy with biopsy you’re fine to drive.

I didn’t feel a thing during the biopsy (despite having a very low pain threshold) and was out at the park with my dc an hour later. I took the bus home but put money aside incase I needed a taxi home. I’m on UC and money is tight. Im a single mother of young dc and wouldn’t dream of asking a friend with kids to drop me off and collect me. Your friend is a single child free woman.

On the other hand, your child with a respiratory medical condition had a bad chest infection. My youngest son has been hospitalised numerous times with chest infections and tonsillitis. In my experience it can develop very quickly and of course your child is your main priority. You’re often running on adrenaline when you have a poorly child and things will slip your mind.

You put your child first which is the most important thing. Yes, she may be pissed off but if she’s a good friend, she should understand. Like I said before, she should have arranged her own transport and if she’s struggling financially, the hospital can arrange her transport.

Don’t feel bad. Honestly if I were you after her petty behaviour, I wouldn’t want her as a friend anyways.

Why did she not call you at agreed meeting time asking where you were? Peculiar behaviour.

I think that's the thing - I am very forgetful but I genuinely can't understand how this might happen. Not saying that to have a go at the OP, I just know that I genuinely wouldn't forget something like this.

Having said that, if I were the friend, while I would be hurt to realise that the OP didn't care quite as much as I might have thought she did, I wouldn't be looking to lose the friendship. I would readily accept a nice apology and carry on with the friendship as before, albeit with a slightly revised understanding of what the friendship might mean to the OP.

Thats why taxis were invented

I don’t know why you’ve taken all the blame for this. Why on earth didn’t she text you the night before to check-in? Or in the morning? You have a whole life to lead too with things going on. Be careful how much you apologise to her - that’s far too much drama when she didn’t miss the appointment and was also at fault herself. The only ‘should have’ for you is that in conversation I would have said to her ‘just make sure you text me the night before or in the morning’.

It is disappointing - but I guess I can understand how it could happen when your child all of a sudden becomes poorly.

Also from the sound of things - OP is usually a dependable source of support.
People always hold on to the one time you are not perfect and forget the 99 times you were there.

It can happen especially if there's a bit of brain fog around for some reason. The other day I went upstairs leaving bacon under the grill, filled the house with smoke and risked a serious fire. It's not because I don't care about the safety of myself and my home, I just forgot that I meant to go straight back downstairs.
But your friend is very hurt. She wants space so leave her for a while, then drop by with some flowers and offer her a hug if she wants it.

Its very, very different because id not expect DP to forget given id have no doubt spoke about how worried I was every day leading up to it, not to mention id have said "are you still ok to take me" in the morning, like a normal person.

Taxi driver, I mean, its their literal job - to taxi people around. No further comment needed tbh.

Im not normally in to making "but what if <insert different event that didnt happen>" up, but in the operation made up issue then yes tbh id probably be more annoyed, what with it being an operation that no doubt id have messaged my friend about the day before, the day, just before it etc. And, you know, with it also not just being an appointment for a relatively minor procedure (ive had 2, maybe 3, cant recall now, think it was 3)

You admitted your mistake, and apologised. Juggling your own life with poorly children etc. it’s not ok that you forgot, but it’s also understandable. You say she’s single, is she childless too? In this case she’s likely to not understand how stressful it can be to stay on top of everything, and by the sound of it you’re supportive and helpful with her normally.

give her some space, if she genuinely is willing to let your friendship end over one time you slipped up then I’m not sure you are losing much.

Almost forgot, I also had to go to a 2WW appt alone after finding a breast lump because there was no one to go with me. In fact the only friend I actually told about the lump and the appt made a point of going on about how she and her husband were going out to dinner that evening so she had to get her hair done in the afternoon. I hadn’t even asked for a lift, help or anything. It is exhausting being single ans having to deal with everything alone. People in relationships forget that.

@stclementine sorry you’ve been through all that.
The friend here did check well in advance that the appointment change was okay and was reassured it was. I feel for her, as you do.
Single people, and/or people with no children, still have lives to organise and hopefully sometimes can ask for help.

Yes but with a SEN child and SEN husband and with my other child too, plus my job… I just would not have capacity for anything like this in my life.

I always go under general anaesthetic.

Thanks for answering!

I don’t know but I do sometimes wonder if I do. I’m not really sure what the signs are for middle aged women. I do things like take photos of appliances to make sure I really have switched them off, and return to my front door to make sure I really have locked it andI can’t keep things tidy so I think there is something going on there but not sure what and it’s quite mild to put my finger on.

As another single person it is attitudes like these on here, and in society in general, that i should never ask a parent (gasp) for help for myself because whatever they are doing is far more important than my crisis. In my case it was removing my belongings from the house where my husband had tried to murder me the week before. After that I never bothered asking again because I too have a flakey family. That means that I have had, over the last decade, take a taxi home from hospital after injuring my shoulder badly in a car accident and had been taken by ambulance to said hosptial, sorted out the insurance etc for my car which was written off, got myself to work and back every day for the 6 weeks I wasn’t able to drive, plus all the other things like shopping which is so much fun one handed. I then had to get myself to hospital by bus as no taxis for the operation I needed a year later ans home again by taxi, luckily, after lying to say my friend was waiting for me there. In reality I was alone. When you do everything alone and have no one to rely on for support it does tend to get lonely and depressing. So no, I don’t blame the friend for stepping back for a bit.

i do think you need to do a gesture and a real apology

Don’t you need to clear your bowels before one with that special medication the night before? I’m sure my DM was on the loo all night before hers.

also the NHS waiting list times are crazy. Not turning up can result in them referring you back to the gp and having to start from scratch. I would be very upset too if I was her and can understand why she’s annoyed. You should have had this on the calendar and/or a phone reminder.

I’d be fucked off too, why didn’t you have it in your Google calendar? Not sure if it will be rectified, to her she probably thinks you don’t think she’s important.

I think she should've rang you when you didn't arrive at the designated time, like a normal person would. She was being a martyr to just go off on the appointment herself without even checking to see if anything had happened to you en route for example. Did she actually think for a second about what if you'd had an accident or something?