Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

i think for your friend, you forgetting this appointment will have reinforced that she is alone and has nobody really in her corner. She doesn’t have a partner or a parent who would prioritise her. And that’s why it hurts so much. She may have been catastrophising about the possible outcome, need for further treatment etc and worrying about facing that alone.

Well you shouldn't either lol. Please dont be on the bones of your arse thou 🤣

I didn't say OP needed to. I said I would probably do so out of guilt. If I wasn't on the bones of my arse.

Why does op need to book and pay for her uber to make up for forgetting. its the friends responsibility to pay for her own ubers.

Op your friend is milking this. You even offered to go and collect her when You have kids to deal with and one wasnt well. Leave her to it if shes this difficult over a one off. I understand her feeling put out if it was stressful to arrange something short notice but she got to her appointment so that should have made her abit more understanding. To all the posters laying into you and telling you to make it up to her, op hasn't killed anyone for crying out loud. It was one missed appointment. And she did try to make it up to her by offering to collect her but said friend said no.

Sorry but I think your friend is being a drama queen. I and many of my friends have had a colposcopy, and while it isn't something fun, it doesn't require a friend to attend. I walked 2 miles to my appointment and back!

I guess I would've booked her an Uber/taxi there and back to make up for it. But it's done now.

I would accept someone forgetting something like that if I hadn't confirmed the night before/on the day they were definitely still able to do it.

It was kind of you to offer so I'd hope she'll see that nobody is perfect.

But she'd asked her friend to take and also come with her to an appointment that may lead to a cancer diagnosis. It's fine to rely on that promise. Appointments like that are frightening becuase of the uncertainty of the diagnosis. If you have a settled plan and you are relying on a friend you could be caught short depending on where you live and taxi availability.

@MamaBee22 The fact you forgot showed both you and her that something signifigicant to her didn't matter to you. You need to accept that and own it. It may have been a genuine mistake but it wouldn't have happened if the person and their appointment mattered to you. Would you have forgotten if it was your child? or your mother? No.

She's having a stressful time and you've let her down when she really needed you. If you want to fix this, you will need to hugely demonstrate you are sorry by actions, a big bunch of flowers that someone else suggested is a drop in the ocean. A genuine heartfelt letter of apology sent now together with an offer to do something lovely for her is the sort of approach you need. or major face to face grovelling once time but not too much time has passed.

You need to really understand how devastating this was likely to be in a frightening and stressful situation for your friend - not just the immediate effect of scrambling to get to an appointment, whether she could do anything about it, stress on the day, impact on her health and treatment - but a sense of no one caring and being abandoned. It can't be just dismissed as 'a mistake' because its more than that here.

It was a colposcopy! She didn't have sedation.

Thank you for replies. I already sent a message checking in/seeing if there's anything I could do, and then did send what I thought was a sincere apology, I didn't use excuses (for people thinking I am I just posted them here for context)

My DC ended up needing further anti biotic and steroids because it made her asthma worse, but again I didn't say that to my friend as I don't want to take away from me forgetting. Just trying to show I really did have so many plates to juggle that day, it just slipped out my mind. Thankfully she got there and back ok, and it was done fairly quickly which I'm pleased about.

I think I feel particularly guilty because I know how she feels. I also have no village, my parents are deceased and DH's non existent. The difference being I have him, so I feel even worse because she doesn't have that, I guess in many ways I take on that role in her life. I've always emotionally and practically been there for her and never let her down before so I feel rubbish about the whole situation.

She does have other friends, sibling and her parents but I guess as the closest person to her she wanted me there as they aren't always reliable.

I'll reach out again in a couple of days to see if she's ready to talk to me. If not, I don't know what else I can do.

This. I am quite surprised by most of the replies so far to be honest. Yes you fucked up, but you didn’t fuck up on purpose, offered to pick her up and have apologised.

Has “friend” asked after your daughter at all? That would make a big difference to how much effort I would be putting in at this point onwards.

I also think that a good friend would have offered to sort out her own transport once the appointment changed to half-term rather than have you drag your children along.

When you’re a mum and you have a poorly child with a chest infection then THAT does take over your brain and overrides everything else as you are concerned with a child who may behaving difficulty breathing etc! A normal response from a friend in this scenario would be oh no poor x i quite understand my appointment going out of your head! Not a problem I’ll just drive myself as it’s only a minor procedure and you keep little x indoors and warm as I wouldn’t want you to have to bring him out unnecessarily when he’s ill! THAT is a NORMAL response not ignoring the op and being stroppy with them! She’s clearly very self entitled and selfish

She realised and was able to take her home - her friend didn’t want her to

If you’ve had sedation they won’t let you go home in a taxi alone, you have to have a person they contact to accompany you.

As a single person I'm with you in that I do everything I can by myself. I've got friends who would offer to help but I don't tell them about stuff unless I have to. When I had a colonsocopy I went by myself in a taxi, refused sedation and got a taxi home.

If one of my friends did offer help and forgot about me I'd be hurt and disappointed though.

It was a colposcopy! She didn't have sedation.

As a single person I'm with you in that I do everything I can by myself. I've got friends who would offer to help but I don't tell them about stuff unless I have to. When I had a colonsocopy I went by myself in a taxi, refused sedation and got a taxi home.

If one of my friends did offer help and forgot about me I'd be hurt and disappointed though.

And this is why, as a single person, I never share my problems or ask anybody for help or assistance. Threads on mumsnet announcing ‘she’s single, she’s got form for this, that and blah, blah’ even when whatever has happened isn’t their fault. Honestly, so many people treat their single ‘friends’ like total shit and use every excuse under the sun to justify it.

Don’t you need to clear your bowels before one with that special medication the night before? I’m sure my DM was on the loo all night before hers.

also the NHS waiting list times are crazy. Not turning up can result in them referring you back to the gp and having to start from scratch. I would be very upset too if I was her and can understand why she’s annoyed. You should have had this on the calendar and/or a phone reminder.

Let's hope your husband doesn't leave you and your kids move 5 hours away in the future then hey and you need some friends in your life. You are literally the epitome of the smug married.

Omg id be fuming she will have done all the prep for nothing and now will likely be booted to the bottom of the list. Have you ever had a colonoscopy? Do you understand how bad the prep is. How do you forget something like that.