Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

She will have prepped for the procedure (which is hugely unpleasant) and have mentally prepared herself or worried about the colonoscopy. She's now no closer to having a medical issue resolved and will have to wait for another appointment. You promised to take her, you let her down so it's little wonder she's upset with you, Op.

I would send her a big bouquet of flowers and a card. In the card l would write how bad you feel for letting her down, and there is no excuse, you did not put the appointment on your calender & she is right to be annoyed with you. Say you refuse to lose your friendship with her, because of your stupidity . Cannot apologise enough, say how much you value her & your life wouldn't be the same without her.....Grovel...l hope you sort it out, the thought of losing such a good friend can be very upsetting...

Reading this thread has been so annoying. I’ll preface my post by saying I’m very reliable and have everything in my calendar, so I would not have forgotten this.

But OP made a mistake! And friend just sat there that morning twiddling her thumbs presumably. Isn’t it normal to text someone coming to your house to check ETA?
Now she’s throwing a strop and refusing to respond. Lots of posters all supporting the behaviour. Op is very sorry and has messaged multiple times. Her friend is now being bloody ridiculous.

OP, please move on with your life for now. You didn’t kill anyone. I’d also evaluate this friendship, because what the hell am I reading?

Personally I wouldn’t put on my friend to take me to and from a hospital appt at half term, but if I did I would have text in the morning to remind her and to confirm time. Common courtesy if someone else is doing you a favour. You clearly had a lot on with a sick child, I wouldn’t be too harsh on yourself.

Part of being a grown up is telling people when you're taking space to sort your head out though, not blanking peoples messages long after it's obvious that's what you're doing. OP dropped the ball and has apologised, it's now the friends time to be a friend and either forgive her if she's over it or communicate like an adult and say she's feeling a way and will speak to OP when she's ready to forgive. I think these suggestions she has to buy her friends forgiveness are ridiculous.

You need to read the thread! It wasn't a colonoscopy it was a colposocopy! No prior prep needed. I do agree that the colonoscopy prep is really horrible. By the last litre I managed to throw it all back up again! 🙈

Op I've had quite a few of these, I've always driven myself there and back, even when having biopsies and cell removal. While not the nicest thing to go through, it isn't that bad. Twice I've gone straight back to work afterwards.

It is bad you forgot but it was a mistake, your child was unwell and to be honest a sick child is (and should be) a higher priority than your friends appointment.

You've apologised there's nothing else you can do. If she wants to end your friendship over it, then just accept it and move on.

I’d be pissed off with you because hospitals are really strict about being collected by a named person plus telephone number added to the form prior to the procedure. They then call this person to say ‘xyz is out of the procedure and in the recovery room, if you could collect them in about 1 hour’. The hospital also wants rid of you once you’re recovered cos they’ll have a whole rota of people having procedures then into recovery, they don’t need someone hanging about. I’ve had countless people let me down as a singleton and they’ve just said well can’t you just get a cab? I’d be ignoring you for a good while, I’d likely bring it up once but then leave it hanging between you. It certainly makes subsequent procedures a lot easier as people are then desperate not to let you down again. Sorry, just giving my tuppence worth. I think people underestimate how difficult it is to be single at times like these, because you have to hope that the person you’re relying on doesn’t do as you did. It adds an extra layer of “will they or won’t they?”.

You didn’t do this on purpose
part of healthy relationships dynamics is forgiving when people mess up
it is an opportunity for your friend to be a better person by not holding a resentment over this if you feel ammends are needed a token would be nice are you dependent on this friendship - what’ would happen if you stepped away for a while?

Totally agree

Fuck me OP made a mistake. She's apologized.

Im actually quite thankful for this thread, its made me realise what a great, uncomplicated, easy going, no stress real solid friendship I have with my best pal. Id worry we do take it for granted but I am suspicious some of these replies are deliberately a bit wild. Ive never known friendships be this intense and hard work.

If we forgot to take the other one somewhere and after an apology we turned up at each others houses with cards, flowers, chocolates, lunch offers, money for taxis, talking about reflection and time to process it etc i think we'd assume the other one is taking the piss tbh, or drunk 😂

You let your friend down. Am not surprised she's not talking to you. Send her some flowers/chocolates/whatever and a proper note of apology, not a text.

How she retreats into silence is a red herring in this. You let her down and didn't even bother to call her/arrange an Uber/taxi to take her/collect her. Tbh, that's the least you could have done. Be prepared to lose the friendship as it's your friend's prerogative to not forgive you for this.

Im sorry OP I would say I am mostly dependable however, I am also forgetful. And I always say to people to keep reminding me of things, specially if they asked me when I am not by my calender.
I have a digital amd a written calender, written calender is week by week as seeing a whole month on one go as its too overwhelming for me so things definitely get missed then.

I can understand your friend being upset HOWEVER, I think she would have been sensible to confirm with you the night before or at the latest the morning of.

Also even if I have agreed to do something for someone, if one of my kids are poorly they most definitely come before any grown up person I have made promises to 🤷‍♀️. And I am not sorry if that makes me sound like a bad person.

The other week I was supposed to do am online course that I wanted to do....... kid was poorly and I completely forgot about that even with it on my calender and email reminders. And that was something I wanted to do.

So you have sincerely apologised and thats all you can do really.

I’m sorry but really you haven’t just let her down for what is something like a dental appointment, I’ve had a colonoscopy and by god, the most worst experience of it all is having to drink the drinks to flush you out. Not only would she have been alone while going through that, she would have been up all night.
did you not once enquire how she was the night before? This in itself would have reminded you. I can fully understand why she’s being how she is.
she now has to reschedule what is in all honesty a most horrific experience if only down to the night before.

i think the crux of this is for your friend it seems really painful that you would forget something so very worrying and crucially important to her at a time of great stress. I does seem a bit odd that you would forget something that you had discussed at length several times or that you wouldnt write it down or set a reminder.
Having said that you did forget and have apologised and she has attended her colposcopy appt.
With time she may process this and come to the conclusion that you genuinely forgot with no malicious intent.
Honestly though i doubt she will ever trust you again.

A colposcopy needs no prep, no sedation and you just walk away afterwards without any need for anyone to look after you .
However, there is the distinct possibility you might burst into tears as I did at mine
She would have appreciated you being there and you forgot 😔
I think I’d be upset too if I were her but I don’t use the silent treatment and I don’t sulk .

has definitely tried to make me feel as guilty as possible

Come on OP. This is on you, it’s 100% your fault, and you’re trying to turn it around so that she is in some way in the wrong? You really need to stop twisting it like that.

You’re to blame, you should feel guilty, own it. And unless you’ve got a time machine you can’t put it right. You just need to wait and see if she’ll forgive you. And never ever let her down again.

She isn't punishing you with silence she's get her own head sorted out. Stop gaslighting her and do what you say, own the issue.

Send her an apology card and stop saying she's making you feel guilty. You should feel guilty. However, you had a reasonable excuse not to take her, but you forgot. You are human it is forgiveable, go get her forgiveness.

Also, send her the money for her taxis/uber and arrange to meet her for whatever you normally do together - coffee/cake etc and pay for hers.

Your child was sick. It probably would be different if you'd remember and called to say you can't make it, but you had a good reason to forgot et even that. Child comes first. Unapologetically. And she is an ass if she doesn't understand that!

Did she remind you the day or night before? If I was asking someone to take me I would check in before to make sure you were still ok to take me. It s a nice thing you were doing it’s the least she could do if it’s half term and she knows you don’t have a village to help you either.

Send flowers and chocolate at the very least. Follow up with a lunch invitation somewhere nice.

It's funny how almost everyone suddenly skips the part of a sick child to blaming the OP and shaming her for not prioritising her dear friend over her child.
Same set of people that will come and crucify her as irresponsible if she overlooked her child as "will be fine" and things got out of hands later.

A sick child can definitely make you lose your mind, especially something like chest infection, you'll be disoriented. I've forgotten appointments I made for myself because I had an unwell child.

The friend is allowed to be angry, OP is also allowed not to lose her peace over an adult that has refused to accept that people are fallible, point is, "is she sorry genuinely"?
She's not her husband or mother, why hold her to such unforgivable standards? OP has more things on her mind, she's bound to forget things. And who doesn't slip?

I’m sorry you’re getting so much heat . You forgot and that’s crap and hurtful to her but bloody hell you’re just a human and I really don’t understand why people are piling in on you. Stonewalling you is weird- she’s a grown up- she could just reply and say just give me some time. It’s so weird to completely ignore someone for so long. Assuming you’re normally a reliable and constant friend which is sounds like you are she should absolutely forgive you. Just because she’s single it doesn’t mean you are responsible for her. What is she like as a friend to you? It’s shit you forgot but if you are great friends that hopefully she will see that you are allowed to slip up. You weren’t on a spa , you were with your family and as I get older my headspace is definitely more limited and certain things just don’t go in!

Blimey. If I had a big hospital appointment that a friend was taking me to, I would be texting the night before to confirm plans. I think she needs to take some responsibility for this herself. A few days before an appointment is enough time to get distracted, especially if your kid is poorly.

Maybe I’m surrounded by forgetful people but I would definitely have reminded you! Still I can understand why she’s upset as it was obviously a big deal for her but I’d be pretty pissed off to get the silent treatment.

Now you’ve apologised, I’d leave her to it for the time being.

When your child is really ill with a chest infection, it would be very easy for anything else to go out the window. The friend though rightly annoyed at it should either forgive or end the friendship. Giving silent treatment as punishment is childish and petty