Forgot to take my friend to her hospital appointment- how do I fix this!?

Yes immensely completely true
💚💑💛Of course Our Children come 1st 🫂

Op is not coming back understandably so best leave it now.

Is your undiagnosed dementia why you can’t understand that when you already carrying a lot a sick child can mean some balls just get dropped as you focus on your child?? Yes, even ones that in your diary.

Did you read the OP's posts at all or was that going to delay you being so rude?

Unless you’ve got undiagnosed dementia there is no reason to have missed the fact that no anaesthetic was required for the actual procedure that OPs friend underwent.

Unless you have undiagnosed dementia, there is absolutely no excuse to have forgotten a very unpleasant hospital appointment where she has to be aneasthetized and cannot do without support to bring her home. That would be the last you'd hear from me. Why was it not on your phone calendar or someplace?

OP confirmed she wasn’t! She could also have accepted OPs offer of a lift back, but she declined it as punishment for forgetting the lift there.

Cutting of her nose to spite her face I feel.

Depends on the procedure. If her friend was having a cone biopsy or loop excision then she would likely have been offered sedation.

you don’t get sedation for a colposcopy! The OP said it was not a colonoscopy days ago!

She’d also offered to collect the friend, so no issue really! Just the friend being drama about getting an uber.

Some of these comments on here are like it's the end of the bloody world for her. She didn't miss heart surgery for God's sake. Dont feel guilty.

Not clear why someone would need a lift THERE, but on the way back you have to have to have a lift organized, not an uber, if you had a sedative; otherwise they won’t discharge you. She may have been planning on sedation (which makes the procedure straightforward and discomfort-free) but in your absence had to forgo it, which would probably have been unpleasant and not what she was expecting.

This. I've got a phone calendar, a diary & a wall calendar. I have a lot of appointments & I'm terrified of muddling them up!

Yes she should have absolutely known her daughter was going to be sick and given notice!

Oh hang on she forgot, that’s why she didn’t give notice, she didn’t just decide she was going to let her friend down.

I'd be annoyed with you tbh. Fine if you weren't reminded a few days prior but you were. If your daughter was sick, you should have given your mate some notice.

Ah mn, first reply sticks the boot is as always.

op it was a mistake and I’d guess you’ve apologised over and over. She’ll either get over it or decide one human mistake is worth losing a friend for. There’s nothing else you can do

FFS 🤦‍♀️

Fortunately it wasn't a colonoscopy @Grumpygrandma1962 as OP explained ages ago.

Tbh, a colonoscopy is a really horrible procedure, and not having someone with you means that you can't have sedation. I wouldn't forgive you, or trust you again.

I think you're on the wrong thread!

Does C have other friends?
It's a good idea to encourage your children to have several groups of friends or a large looser group rather than a very small delineated one- obviously you can't make this happen but there are plenty of ways you can encourage it.

I'd say it's OK for dd to go but to make it very clear they're not going to leave c out at school as a result. Ng can invite who she likes to her sleepover, but trying to 'milk it' by organising secret planning discussions in school is exclusionary and unkind. Well done to your dd for at least raising it- it can be hard to call others out at that age.

Don't give her the benefit of the doubt. Read the messages between this one and your last post and take them on board.

I am sure the gratitude she's shown you when you've done her many favours isn't as great as this one mess up.

Use the excuse that you realised you are spreading yourself too thinly the next time she asks for anything.

What were the comments she made?

Your friend sounds a nightmare. Of course you couldn't take her when your child was ill. You were dealing with something at home and it slipped your mind. She can be miffed but she's blown this out of all proportion. She sounds like she is peeved because you are prioritising your child over her. She is unhinged. So many ways of getting to the hospital - taxi, lift from neighbour, friend, family member, bus, train etc etc. I would be edging away.

Having read updates…. WOW!
She has other friends and her own parents and is treating you like this?
She went for a procedure lots of women have every day. She got got herself there and back and then punished you even after the bouquet?
Has she even asked how your poorly child was?
I would leave her to her other friends.

Great post.

The relationship screams toxicity.
Think long and hard about your people pleasing modeling to your children.

Do you want them to have similarly punishing friends when they are juggling loads?

Because you are so setting them up for this.

That woman is a selfish arse.
Anyone with an ounce of decency knowing you were jammed would have said no need for the lift, particularly as there wasn't any need beyond her just wanting her hand held.

In the real world adult friends don't behave like this, particularly when sick children are involved.

She couldn't care less about your load or your children, yet you persist to chase her.

You really should want more for your children, than spoiled user friends that couldn't care less about them.

Think on OP!
You definitely deserve better.

Agree with above.

Listen OP. I say this with kindness... Stop putting up with someone who enjoys punishing you. You say she has no village yet...

"She does have other friends, sibling and her parents but I guess as the closest person to her she wanted me there as they aren't always reliable."

You made a mistake because, shock horror, your sick child was more important to you than the friend.
You've apologised... actually you are over apologising... and you shouldn't have to "take it on the chin"... which does sound like she continued to berate you, without asking how your child was. You are so clearly upset that you let this person down, this person who still got to her appointment on time and has a procedure which went really well, but ignored your offer to pick up and drop because it didn't include you being able to sit in a waiting room etc during the appointment.

I think you are really in danger of letting this person walk all over you, she's got you tied up in guilty knots. You have said several times that you are normally always there for her. Well guess what... one slip up and all those other times have counted for nothing because she was furious with you.. and you have only Cleared the air because you persisted in trying to get through to her, otherwise I think its very likely she would have continued to "punish" you by ignoring you.

This woman has main character syndrome. Please think carefully about letting her boss you around in the future.

edited @TheQueenOfTheNight asked some really good questions which may provoke some thoughts about this friendship and the way she treats you.