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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband leaves me a list of duties

162 replies

JanineCody · 22/02/2026 13:54

My husband of 18 years bought a little whiteboard a few weeks ago which goes on the fridge so you can write reminders for groceries etc on it but over the past week or so he's been leaving me a list of "duties" on it.

-(My name) "Pick up my suit from the dry cleaners."

-(My name) "Go to Supermarket and get those biscuits I like."

-(My name) " Iron my blue shirt for tomorrow."

-(My name) "Take chicken out of freezer to defrost."

AIBU for thinking I am not his slave?

OP posts:
BernardButlersBra · 22/02/2026 14:58

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 22/02/2026 13:54

What happens if you don’t do the duties? Do you go on the naughty step?

No pocket money l assume 🤷‍♀️

I need more info to comment. I’m married to a man who severely lacks initiative, he’s got a whiteboard that contains a list of tasks he updates. Otherwise he can’t remember to do anything apparently. In contrast l can organise myself and do more than my fair share. But as a lot of tasks on the whiteboard in OP’s post are purely about his convenience then lm assuming he’s taking the piss. How much of these kind of tasks does he do? Do you both work? How much down time does everyone have?

Breadcat24 · 22/02/2026 14:57

His name -"don't be so fucking cheeky and get rid of this whiteboard"

Should do it
If that does not work
Your name - dig 6 foot by 6 foot by 3 foot hole in garden

EvangelineTheNightStar · 22/02/2026 14:57

Awaiting the drip feed of he works 5 bajillon hours a week, there’s no dc, op gave up work on marriage, they need more money as op wants a round the world cruise bought but can’t be expected to get a job as she meets her ex 4 times a week for lunch….

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 22/02/2026 14:55

The only circumstances where this might be acceptable is if your agreed role in the relationship is to stay at home and run the household while his agreed role is outside the home earning money for you both.
Even then, it doesn’t have to be so cold and demanding, just a list of bullet points of things that are needed, rather than “woman, iron my shirt”.

If you both work, just write “do it yourself”.

Dweetfidilove · 22/02/2026 14:55

Are you like one of those non-functioning husbands who doesn't know to contribute to the household without being given a list of chores?

Is he working, doing housework and minding the children while you twiddle your thumbs?

Growlybear83 · 22/02/2026 14:52

Do you work similar hours to your husband, OP? If you’re a stay at home mum then I think it makes quite a difference.

Sausagescanfly · 22/02/2026 14:51

What was life like before the whiteboard?

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 22/02/2026 14:50

I wonder if he leaves messages on the office notice board "John finish my report" or "John get the sales figures".

Who knows, maybe he does. I'd ask. Either way it's rude.

thewonderfulmrswatson · 22/02/2026 14:48

Married 24yrs next month. If my husband did that I would simply write under it :
DO IT YOUR EFFIN SELF

Asking nicely I 100% would, demanding or expecting me to? Absolutely not.

tooloololoo · 22/02/2026 14:47

My ex used to do this

ex for a reason

Barrenfieldoffucks · 22/02/2026 14:47

Depends, the only way this is in any way less than 😱🤦‍♂️ is if you are a housewife who would be going to these places anyway and he's just asking you to tack something else on while you're there.

MikeRafone · 22/02/2026 14:46

id be scribbling out "byname" and putting fucking husband

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 22/02/2026 14:45

What have you said to him about it?

Barrellturn · 22/02/2026 14:45

Also when you're at the supermarket send 300 texts to ask about the biscuits. Even better if these are verbal announcements over Alexa which constantly makes embarrassing announcements during his work calls. "Oh and did you want more piles cream?"

Dollymylove · 22/02/2026 14:44

Turn yourself into Princess Anne and tell him to "naff orf" 🤣🤣

Barrellturn · 22/02/2026 14:43

If you feel like the share is already fair or you are doing more then go ahead and weoponise your incompetence.

Take the suit to the dry cleaners and tell them to sell it (I didn't realise you meant you wanted it back!?)

Go to the supermarket and get the biscuits you like and he hates (oh I thought those were the ones you meant because I like them)

Burn an iron hole in the shirt (I'm just no good at it!)

Take chicken out of freezer and put straight in the bin (oh I thought you meant because it was out of date?)

Purplebunnie · 22/02/2026 14:42

By each of these demands I would be putting DH do it yourself.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 22/02/2026 14:41

Im interested to know why he's started doing this, and what happens if you don't obey orders.

macandrews56 · 22/02/2026 14:40

(His name) "sign the divorce petition"

CoffeeBeansGalore · 22/02/2026 14:39

Saying "Darling would you mind picking up my suit from the dry cleaners when you're out that way" would be fine. Orders via a whiteboard is not.

Barrellturn · 22/02/2026 14:39

I send DH lists of things he needs to do when I'm out. Otherwise he just sits on his iPad.

In your shoes I would create a house list and put names next to each job at the beginning of the week.

WonderingWanda · 22/02/2026 14:39

My dh might say to me "Any chance you could pick up my dry cleaning when you are in town today?" and that would be no problem because I might also say, "Any chance you could book my car into that garage next to where you work, it needs a service?". Or we might sit down and make a list of jobs and see who's going to do what.

On the first day that whiteboard appeared I would've instantly sent him a photo and asked "Wtf is this? Do it yourself!". The fact that you haven't suggests you are a bit downtrodden already.

user1492809438 · 22/02/2026 14:39

Write 'p**s off and do it yourself' ... but I am childish. Ask him if he's timeslipped to the age of the dinosaur.

Springisnearlyspring · 22/02/2026 14:38

What’s the backstory to this?
I do things for my husband and he does for me but we ask or offer eg if I know he’s away with work I’d say do you want me to get your suit. Or I’m off to Aldi do you want anything and he’ll say oh get me those biscuits I like please. A sudden list of orders wouldn’t sit right with me.

Horses7 · 22/02/2026 14:37

Twinkylightsg · 22/02/2026 13:56

Just throw it in the bin.

This!