Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband leaves me a list of duties

162 replies

JanineCody · 22/02/2026 13:54

My husband of 18 years bought a little whiteboard a few weeks ago which goes on the fridge so you can write reminders for groceries etc on it but over the past week or so he's been leaving me a list of "duties" on it.

-(My name) "Pick up my suit from the dry cleaners."

-(My name) "Go to Supermarket and get those biscuits I like."

-(My name) " Iron my blue shirt for tomorrow."

-(My name) "Take chicken out of freezer to defrost."

AIBU for thinking I am not his slave?

OP posts:
Sunshineandgrapefruit · 22/02/2026 15:51

Yeah. He needs to work on his people skills!

PurpleThistle7 · 22/02/2026 15:49

i cannot imagine a scenario where this would happen to me and it certainly couldn’t happen twice. I challenge you to never ever do anything on this list. How ridiculous.

usedtobeaylis · 22/02/2026 15:46

This would fuck me right off. And is also why when men say 'tell us what to do and I'll do it' also fucks them off when you do as they ask.

NoSoupForU · 22/02/2026 15:46

If I didn't work then I'd absolutely do those things. But not if they were issued as an order like that. If my husband asks me to do something for him I'll do it (and vice versa).

Why isn't he having conversations with you and has opted to write commands on a board instead?

MyLittleNest · 22/02/2026 15:45

Many things to say here. It's passive aggressive of him to communicate this way. Also, he seems to be under the impression that you are his personal assistant, not his partner. Have you always done these tasks in the past? Do you work? Are you busy with the kids? I'd either get a job or a divorce in your situation. This man sounds like a total pig with little to no respect for you outside of how you can serve his needs.

WearyAuldWumman · 22/02/2026 15:39

heartsinvisiblefury · 22/02/2026 13:55

I’d be writing a note back on that whiteboard and it wouldn’t be polite.

"Stick this whiteboard up your arse!" comes to mind.

viques · 22/02/2026 15:38

bloomchamp · 22/02/2026 15:10

I’d draw a big knob on it

No need, she already has one in the house pretending to be a human being. 😎

viques · 22/02/2026 15:35

Swap the pens for permanent markers. Obviously you won’t do any of the tasks he is commanding but it will make you laugh when he tries to rub them out to update the list.

SoICrawledThroughTheCatFlap · 22/02/2026 15:34

I'd be tempted to write 'Find good colorectal surgeon for husband '
If he asks why you can tell him if he continues this bollocks he'll need the board & pens surgically removing

SchrodingersParrot · 22/02/2026 15:34

OP, have you noticed any other recent changes in his behaviour?

LaurieFairyCake · 22/02/2026 15:34

Not one woman on the planet is going to put up with that without a response

WhenRealityHits · 22/02/2026 15:26

Do you have children?
If not, I'd be looking into divorce.

ClassicalQueen · 22/02/2026 15:25

I would be straight out of the door!

Minimelanie · 22/02/2026 15:24

I think it’s fair if he goes to work and you don’t. I write reminders for myself to do things for my partner as he works full time and I don’t. It annoys me he doesn’t make to-do notes or shopping lists

Vaxtable · 22/02/2026 15:20

I would just write next to it, nope you will need to do it yourself

it’s doesn’t matter if you are a sahm or working, he doesn’t get to dictate like that

outerspacepotato · 22/02/2026 15:18

Burn that motherfucking whiteboard.

Put up a sign that says there are no masters in this house.

Fucking asshole.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 22/02/2026 15:13

Hmm - is this real?!

go and get the biscuits I like?! Feels too obvious.

Poppins2016 · 22/02/2026 15:13

I'd buy exactly the same whiteboard, then add a list of chores that he can do for you.

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 22/02/2026 15:12

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/02/2026 13:56

and of course you are putting his ' duties ' on the whiteboard too ?!!!
i.e. put bins out
cook dinner on Monday

are you very forgetful ? or is he just bossy or even worse controlling

This!

Match the jobs one for one. If his don’t get done, neither do yours.

Viviennemary · 22/02/2026 15:10

Get another whiteboard and write out a list of duties for him.

bloomchamp · 22/02/2026 15:10

I’d draw a big knob on it

HoppityBun · 22/02/2026 15:09

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/02/2026 13:56

and of course you are putting his ' duties ' on the whiteboard too ?!!!
i.e. put bins out
cook dinner on Monday

are you very forgetful ? or is he just bossy or even worse controlling

Yes. Write out your To Do list- you might need a bigger board. Write a column with the things you already do. Tick them off as you do them.

Write a column of things for your DH to do.

redskyAtNigh · 22/02/2026 15:08

Context is needed here. We have a similar whiteboard in the kitchen where we write down things that need doing so we don't forget them.

If you're going to the shops anyway then getting the dry cleaning and his favourite biscuits is not a particular issue, surely?
I absolutely would write "DH hoover lounge" but it would be in the context of him saying he would do it and me writing as a reminder.

If he's just instituted the whilteboard and there has been absolutely no discussion, either from him before putting it up, or you since it's been up, this is just entirely weird, and suggests your marriage has bigger problems.

Createausername1970 · 22/02/2026 15:05

I wouldn't be very happy about this, but as others have said - what prompted it?

Do you work full time out of the house? Or, other end of the scale, are you a SAHW, no children, no income and spend lots of time and money at nail bars, lunching with friends and getting your hair done?

Are household tasks shared, do you do most of it and he is a lazy arse, or do you the bare minimum and the guy just wants his dry cleaning picked up as you will be in hairdressers next door anyway?

There is a lot of missing info.

JustSawJohnny · 22/02/2026 15:01

I'd get one of those super wide permanent black sharpies and write

(HIS NAME) - GET A NEW SLAVE

right across the middle.

Twat.