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Original poster

To leave DH because of his work

62 replies

Maybelle42 · 22/02/2026 10:46

Please help me see sense here, I am exhausted and at my wits end.

Just over a year ago, I found out I was pregnant and DH announced he wanted to quit his stable job and start his own independent business. He was convinced this was a wise move as it would make him more money than working for someone, which was true on paper however since we had no savings behind us and he had no set up, it wasn't the case. I tried to plead with DH not to do this, that we financially couldn't afford it and with a baby on the way making massive changes like this wasn't the right time. But against my better judgment he told me he wouldn't be told what to do or controlled and went ahead with it.

Not surprisingly, with no money to live off whilst he had no cliental and no proper start up the business very quickly dried up and lost us loads of money. I wasn't able to work during my pregnancy due to sickness but despite that it has always been my "money" we have lived off. Now that it has been over a year I have had enough. We had to move in with his parents and now have no money to leave. Last week I put my foot down and told DH enough now. He gave it a fair run, it isn't working, time to call it quits and get a stable job with a secure income. I told him I will not be living with his parents indefinitely until he can be bothered to get his life together, which I don't think he will as he seems pretty comfortable with this set up. Meanwhile I am miserable here and want to leave. I told him I would go if he doesn't sort himself out and he cried to me not too as we are all he has....

So with all this in mind I can't believe that yesterday my DH has now announced instead of letting the business go, he is going to try and rebrand into something different. I am utterly shocked by this and as per before he will not be told otherwise. He is convinced this time this will be the thing that will make us money and he won't hear otherwise. I told him he is being selfish but in his head he thinks he isn't and is doing this for us. This will inevitably mean more of my money being used up whilst he tries to scramble so sort of new cliental and establish this business.

I've now given him an ultimatum of the business over his family. He has called me controlling yet again and said he will not back down. I can't believe this is happening yet again, when after last time and many discussion he promised me moving forward any big life decision would be joint and he would consider my opinions more. He even admitted that he has a tendency to make impulsive decisions, especially when it comes to money and that they have never been right so far. I thought this time he would hear me out and admit this isn't working but if anything he is being so defensive off his business and just keeps saying that he hasn't invested all this time for nothing. His ego seems to want to prove he can make something of this at the expense of his family and I just can't believe it.

If I leave I had no housing or money, he has depleted all of it. I feel completely at mercy of him getting his head straight and realising we matter more but I'm scared that just won't happen.

OP posts:
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JLou08 · 28/03/2026 13:24

Have you got any plans to get a job? You're probably going to be even worse off financially if you leave as you won't have the accommodation from his parents.
Why isn't he in paid employment? Surely he could do some work on the side of his business. Is he really invested in the business or is he just lazy?

brunettemic · 28/03/2026 12:44

I’d be getting a solicitor, understanding what the reasons for this are. My BIL had a similar thing (he’d messed up but had also been hung out to try), the business isn’t followed correct procedures and his settlement of 3 months turned into the maximum you can get tax free, £30k maybe, can’t quite remember. Long story short…he had a break, went on holiday, contacted a ex boss and got a new job that way.

thismummydrinksgin · 24/02/2026 13:50

separate your finances from this man immediately x

Sassylovesbooks · 24/02/2026 11:16

I had a partner who thought he could set up a business. I apparently wasn't 'supportive' of his venture! That's because it was crap and he has zero business or financial sense!! It sounds as if your husband is similar. He's trying to operate a business on shoe-string finances. Yes, some people do succeed, but unless he has good business and financial shoulders, it's likely to fail.

Your husband has shown you that what he wants to do, trumps what he should be doing. Of course working for yourself sounds great (and it can be), but it's also unstable. With a baby on the way, leaving his secure job to start a new business was utter madness and a poor decision. You are all now paying the price.

Leave your husband, life would be easier long-term.

Sartre · 24/02/2026 09:00

If you’re unemployed, does this mean you’re delving into your savings to keep afloat? I think your mind is already made up OP and it’s time to go. You need to find a job and get back on your feet.

FreeWheezin · 24/02/2026 08:58

If you decide to present to the Local Authority, they may put you in temporary accomodation miles away, and this can be a squalid B&B. Theres no saying how long you'll be there until a suitable flat comes up. This really should only be your 'nuclear' option.

Here's the calmer one. You get a job, you get childcare credits, you carry on as you are until you pass probation. You save for a rental deposit and some extra funds. You do not pay towards your husbands care, that's his parents choice to do. When you have a the money, you move out into the flat and start divorce proceedings.

Gettingbysomehow · 24/02/2026 08:47

What a ducking waste of space. I can say that because my ex husband was exactly the same. It seemed to coincide with my DS being born, lack of attention for him etc. He had this stupid idea he could be a pilot and wasted thousands on lessons.
He couldnt ever be a pilot he wore the thickest glasses you can get.
I dumped his sorry arse and moved on.

Naturally any job wasnt good enough for his non existent talents.
40 years later he is still a total waste of space while I have forged a successful career, own home and so on. So can you. Make plans. Dont waste another second on this fool.

CelticSilver · 24/02/2026 08:29

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 22/02/2026 19:29

If it’s who I think it is, she was made redundant on her maternity leave.

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The 'resilient' situation?

Specialneedsnightmare · 23/02/2026 21:03

This reminds me of my ex who when we were married also gave up his full time steady job to start a business in the creative industry. We had a young baby and my concerns about money were met with accusations that I wasn't supporting him, didn't care about him, and didn't believe in him. I even begged him to at least go part time while he built up his business but he wouldn't. I was much more naive and insecure than you sound op so I put up with it. His business never made money and I would never make the same mistake again. I strongly advise that you follow through your threat to leave as he isn't putting his family first or being realistic and practical about financial matters.

MamaMode888 · 23/02/2026 20:56

The13thFairy · 22/02/2026 12:20

I don't know if this applies now, but when I needed a home away from my husband, simply leaving and presenting yourself to the council was called 'making yourself intentionally homeless', and you would not qualify for council housing. Please check this out before before you think of this as a possible solution.

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OP’s current location (with husband) is parents in laws house, could that be argued to the council as not having an official home?

illsendansostotheworld · 23/02/2026 20:41

Latebloomer121 · 23/02/2026 10:14

She'll be kicking herself when he finally becomes successful. Every success has a lot of failures behind it. And most success is purely down to luck, but the more you keep trying, the more luck you make.

Edited

Are you actually serious??

SargeMarge · 23/02/2026 20:32

The13thFairy · 22/02/2026 12:20

I don't know if this applies now, but when I needed a home away from my husband, simply leaving and presenting yourself to the council was called 'making yourself intentionally homeless', and you would not qualify for council housing. Please check this out before before you think of this as a possible solution.

Show quote history

She is the victim of financial abuse, so no it isn’t making yourself intentionally homeless.

She was pregnant with no income and reliant on him, so he quite his job and now fully expects her to fund everything from her savings (not his). That’s financial abuse. She can’t leave because she is leaving an abacus relationship. And it is not intentionally making herself homeless.

ElishaFelisha · 23/02/2026 20:27

Sensiblesal · 22/02/2026 13:01

I don’t get this either. She didn’t work whilst pregnant & is unemployed.

living with his parents when they don’t have a pot to piss in actually sounds sensible.

one or both of them need to get an actual job

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I’m guessing “her money” is the benefits they receive as a family. They both need to get a job and grow up.

grumpygrape · 23/02/2026 19:58

Why aren't his parents funding him if he's got such a brilliant business plan?

rainbowstardrops · 23/02/2026 12:30

Ditch the delusional loser. Otherwise you’ll be living with his parents forever and constantly funding his hare-brained schemes.

Berrybluessey · 23/02/2026 12:13

You are in acontrolling abusive relationship.
Get on to Women's aid and ask for a refuge.
Get away from him.

gamerchick · 23/02/2026 11:49

Latebloomer121 · 23/02/2026 10:14

She'll be kicking herself when he finally becomes successful. Every success has a lot of failures behind it. And most success is purely down to luck, but the more you keep trying, the more luck you make.

Edited

Easy to say when someone else is picking up the tab.

Latebloomer121 · 23/02/2026 10:14

She'll be kicking herself when he finally becomes successful. Every success has a lot of failures behind it. And most success is purely down to luck, but the more you keep trying, the more luck you make.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 22/02/2026 19:29

Sensiblesal · 22/02/2026 13:01

I don’t get this either. She didn’t work whilst pregnant & is unemployed.

living with his parents when they don’t have a pot to piss in actually sounds sensible.

one or both of them need to get an actual job

Show quote history

If it’s who I think it is, she was made redundant on her maternity leave.

Translatethedog · 22/02/2026 19:13

Why aren’t you working?
How are you paying for everything? What with?

RedRec · 22/02/2026 19:08

Sounds like Del Boy: "This time next year, Rodney, we'll be millionaires".

gamerchick · 22/02/2026 18:58

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 22/02/2026 12:12

I think you have had a thread before, where you were still optimistic that he’d turn things around. It sounds as though you’ve lost hope- and I think rightly so. He is relying on you to keep you all afloat financially, and unilaterally making choices that affect you.

Start saving/earning/lining up your ducks. Work on a plan and then go. In the meantime, spend nothing on him- don’t buy him food, fuel for his car etc.

Probably not as easy as just stopping paying for him if it's a joint claim for UC.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/02/2026 18:37

At the very least stop buying food for him op whilst you get your ducks sorted.

Hazyjinty · 22/02/2026 18:25

I had similar circumstances to this 23 years ago, two young kids and a husband who choose to earn money stupidly but didn’t. I left basically with two kids, every belonging I could fit into my untaxed uninsured car (DD had bounced) I was working part time and he didn’t even mind the kids while I was at work.
i believed if we left he would step up. I was delusional
took awhile but was luckily enough to be offered a flat by the council and was amazed at how family and friend helped out.
kids are now grown and doing well, I’m in a happy healthy relationship and ironically had a better income when not living with a parasite.

don’t expect him to change for you or the baby as people will only change for themselves. Don’t turn down help and take your time getting sorted

good luck

ArcticSkua · 22/02/2026 14:18

To be honest OP, I'm surprised that you're so shocked. From what you've told us this sounds entirely consistent with his character and his past behaviour? Get a job, don't give him any money, get ready to leave when you can. He won't change.