Family in 45m2 flat with 8m2 bedroom

Is it a new relationship? Your family might just be concerned you are rushing things.

If you only bought two years ago, how long have you been in a relationship?
Could they be worried you are giving up your independence too quickly?

If you sell and both have the same deposit to buy bigger I see now issue with this. Make sure it's in joint names and you are protected especially if having children.

This is a total non issue. Move into a bigger, more convenient place that you can afford. Your parents are offering another view but you don't have to listen.

Can you move the rooms around? If the bathroom is huge, shift the bathroom into the small bedroom and make the bathroom the bedroom?

On the face of it yanbu.

but
- How long have you been with your partner?

• Are you going 50/50 on the new rental and paying the mortgage on the flat?
• how much deposit does your partner have?

I think you buying a new place is fine?
But eoneer of your parents are concerned for other reasons.

It feels like you're asking permission. You don't have "permission" from your family so you're asking"permission" from Mumsnet instead.

Are you expecting your family to help fund this new property, or do you have significant learning difficulties and rely on your parents for a lot of support? Those are the only genuine reasons why they might be expected to have a say in there you live.

Otherwise I wonder if you've grown up in a really toxic, controlling family dynamic. That might explain why you wouldn't feel able to make your own decision on this

This has literally zero to do with your family. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never had that sort of relationship with my parents (i.e. once I got to about 20 everything was on a need to know basis) but I don’t understand why adults feel the need to seek validation from their parents.

If it’s not a good time to sell that’s your lookout, unless there’s a massive drip-feed coming that they have a 50 per cent share in it or something.

Edited due to a typo.

Is the flat empty whilst you're renting elsewhere? This is batshit. Stop faffing around and just get it on the market.

Perhaps your family's concern is that your partner is expecting you to uproot purely for his convenience. If he wants to live closer to his work, why doesn't he provide a home for you?

Well it’s only a one bedroom, most people would aim to live in a two bedroom property by the time they have children, regardless of the size of it. I mean yes some people find themselves in less than ideal circumstances but you don’t need to be one of them, as you have time to plan ahead, and you have the advantage of already being on the property ladder.

Also I think the floor area of the property isn’t really the point, it’s more about how it’s configured. I live in a very small house but it’s well-configured. Yours obviously isn’t, if you have a huge bathroom but can’t even fit a double bed in it.

But I don’t really see why you care what your family thinks. You can obviously see the hypocrisy in your mother having turned down jobs for being too far away but suggesting that your partner does an even longer commute.

Your place sounds too small for 2 of you, let alone 3. You’re definitely being reasonable to move.

They aren't dictating where you should live, not unless you allow them to, and act on what they say. They have an opinion, you have a different opinion. Sometimes, it's best not to get into conversations of this nature. You have the option of not engaging in the conversation, if you don't want their opinion, just do that.
In the meantime, decide what you want to do and get on with it, without involvement from them.

As a grown up I wouldn’t care what my family think of my decisions. Decisions that have no impact on them I just tell them I don’t consult them. You’ve made your decision - which is fine. Why are you navel gazing and worrying about what your mum thinks? As an adult you know you don’t need her permission to move. Make your decision move on and your mum should accept it unless there’s something you’re not telling us like you’re her 24/7 carer or something.

Do they like your partner? I’m just wondering if they are wary of you buying a house together especially as an unmarried couple.

I live in a reasonable sized two bed flat on my own and can’t even begin to imagine sharing it with anyone. It would feel far too cramped. Even having visitors around for a few hours makes me feel like we’re tripping over one another. Sell it and buy somewhere more suitable for you both.

.Have I done a 1.5 hour commute, yes for two years. It was exhausting so I changed job or moved house.

Live in it until you sell it! Put anything you can into storage till it sells - FAR cheaper than renting yet another flat and keeping your stuff in an empty flat surely!

Get used to putting in your boundaries now, as when you have a baby they'll have a lot more to say.

This is a fair question. You have two different opinions - but it's your money. They don't have to sign off on your decision.

For what it's worth I would not have a baby in a 1 bed flat if I could afford a 2 bed.