DD had to pay for food at friend’s birthday party

That's really quite unusual where we are. Most kids have a debit card by the time they start high school. One of mine is in tbeir mid twenties and they had a bank account with debit card from when they were 11.

Perhaps this wasn't a case of hosting though? But in that case the invite should have been very clear.

But it seems it was clear to the DD, who is old enough to manage her own day.

ETA and you are right, no one was hosting, this was not a toddler party!

I am perhaps old fashioned but I think if someone is hosting they should provide food for their guests and look after them.

Perhaps this wasn't a case of hosting though? But in that case the invite should have been very clear.

I have been to one kids birthday party (for toddlers) where no food was provided, or entertainment, which I thought was very off. It was at their house, which is absolutely fine, but the minimum should be some party food and an attempt to engage guests. I was at another engagement party where it was held in the park, again fine, but absolutely nothing was provided for guests: no food or drink. It was incredibly awkward as the other guests were unfriendly and the host made no effort.

Totally normal. At 15, also at private school, this is exactly what my friends and I did, except we lived in London so made our own way to meet up wherever. This was mid 2000s.

I’m not British, but some of my friends were. It was normal for all of us. We also all had bank cards.

My Dd is 16 and they have hit a stage where her core friend group prefer a dinner out and wander in town for birthdays, they make their own way, I have very little involvement. They go to street food place or buffet. So far the birthday family have paid, but I know some of her friend’s families don’t have much money so if DD had to get her own that is fine, I don’t want the family to struggle just to keep up. And I don’t want a kid to feel she can’t do the birthday meal thing.

My DS16 and 12 do not have bank cards. Neither does the majority of their friends. If he was invited for a birthday celebration I would assume he was invited by the parents just as we invite his friends. (I would give him money just in case).

If my DD friends were meeting up for her birthday I’d definitely cover lunch.

I would personally pay for them all. However if my child was invited I would send them with some cash as I wouldn’t expect it.

Not too sound in any way negative as I'm genuinely curious - do 11 and 12 year olds hang out in shopping centres on their own for a couple of hours before they go to eat? My child is slightly older and I haven't come across that or seen groups of children that young on their own in those places. I'm in London so I wonder if things are more relaxed in other parts of the country?

Because it’s not a party at 15, that’s just hanging out for her birthday.

i would have died if my parents came with us to KFC for my 15th birthday to buy everyone’s food 😂

you sound a bit bitter that your daughter didn’t get more out of this girls celebration? The mention of her giving sweets for your daughter’s birthday is also ringing as a bitter resentment, otherwise what’s the point in mentioning? It’s just a ‘we have her more than what she brought DD so the least they can do is buy her food’ 😅

By 17/18 they are paying for the birthday girl, imagine that!

Why didn’t your DD just get the train or bus into the city centre with £20 to pay for lunch/an activity? Thats what is expected of teenage hang outs even on a birthday!

Totally different situation.
of course it’s still also fine to ‘host’ (and thus pay) any kind of party you like, at any age, 5,15, 45, but that isn’t what the op is about. This was ‘a day out in the city for my birthday.’ Shopping. Mooching about. Adult free.

It’s a bit of a grey area tbh. Personally if I invite someone out we pay. DS invited his best friend for his 16th, not a chance I was gonna let the kid pay. He tried bless him but I wouldn’t take it. I think if they collectively decide then it’s okay to assume each pays for thier own. At least until 16.

I have a 16 year old daughter and a 14 year old son. I would probably have given them some money to get their friends an icecream or something (or put it towards the food reducing everyone’s totals) but other than that they are independent and it’s not really a party anymore.

I would though have all of them back for a sleepover afterwards and I would provide food etc then. That way it is slightly more special than just a day out and that is the birthday element!

My experience at that age has been that if it is a day out in the city with friends and they get some lunch, then they all pay for themselves, But if they have been invited to go bowling or to paintballing etc, then they are not required to pay, and the birthday child's parents pay.

It'not a party. The parents werent even there for the food. But I can see why you expected them to pay. Bit rich inviting folk out and expecting them to pay for themselves.

So, not a party then. Just a bunch off teens meeting but for a day shopping and grabbing a bite to eat.
Maybe time to step back a bit. Your daughter isnt a young child.

Only in Imaginary World…

especially for a day in the city, which I assume involved some shopping 😀

I think by 15 I would have organised my own gift to give? I would certainly have organised what we were doing with friends and paid for my own KFC.

I'm in your camp OP. My DD16 invited 3 of her friends bowling for her birthday and me and her dad (my exh) covered all the costs for the lane hire and the food & drinks for the four of them.

Wouldn't even have occurred to me not to pay for it.

Do 15 year olds seriously go out with no cash/bank cards these days?! My, oh my, how things have changed...

Just seen it’s 40 min round trip not 40 mile round trip!
Still quite a trek for those saying that at 15 they should be independent and using public transport!

Same. I can’t imagine getting involved in a day out for teenagers.

DD always pays on teenage birthday trips out (we provide the money), she goes to a private school in London and that's the norm in our circle. All of them made their own way there and back home, it's not the thing to be dropped off by parents, but London kids tend to be more independent with public transport.