DD had to pay for food at friend’s birthday party

@MadMadaMim I think it’s because this sounds so casual, like the going shopping in town and grabbing some food would have been suggested whether or not it had been a birthday related thing. If you were checking menus at 14 for a main, drink and snacks, that sounds like a bit more “planned” eg a table at Zizzi than grabbing a KFC when shopping.

The responses are surprising

DD had birthday celebrations up to age 15. Parties, days out, meals etc. I always paid for/provided food and cake. By 14, I gave them '£x' per head (checked menus to ensure everyone could get a main, a drink and table snacks) and they would split the rest evenly.

16 and 18 was COVID so no celebrations, just a drive by to wish her happy birthday and they all got a slice of cake as they went by .

I do think it's odd to have any birthday celebration for your child and not cover the cost of food.

By 15, in my experience, when they arrange a day out/bowling/cinema/meal etc for their birthdays it is always pay your own way.

Just because at independent school doesnt mean have spare cash though
I went to independent school as got reduced fees. A friend was on a scholarship and his mum was on her own and had to work extra shifts at the supermarket to get new uniform/pay for trips etc
But think as a day hanging out with friends, they would all buy their own :)

I've sent DD with money to get fast food lunch for friends before. I'd not like to think of her inviting friends and them turning her down because they couldn't afford it.

My son used to go to ‘parties’ at his mate’s house practically every weekend as they had a big log building in the garden that the kids hung out in/slept over in. A food delivery was always ordered by the dad and the kids gave him cash or got parents to bank transfer him the money.

"We were asked to drop and collect our own children."

Who asked you to do that though?

A 15 year old is a child, not an adult in full time employment therefore I see it as part of my parenting role to pay for my teenagers special days like birthdays. This means paying for everyone else celebrating my teens special day. I have had to adjust my expectations because I'm the only one of my friends who sees it like this. I think they're cheap and they think I'm over the top but I think because I can afford to, i should pay for my teens friends if they've been invited out for a birthday day. We've been to children's parties where we've been asked to bring snacks to contribute to the party food ! None of our friends are struggling financially.

They’re 15. And the idea you are obliged to herd the whole lot of them to and fro (in your two vehicles, if you have them) is insane. If your DD got sweets for her birthday from her teenage friend, why do you make a point of providing a card/gift token? Does your daughter have no agency of her own? You’re being way too involved. Just the fact they have to get lifts at all seems crazy to me. Is there no public transport?

Well yes, but by the sounds of it a day hanging out in the city requires the girls organizing transport beyond just walking in or getting the tube.

By the sounds of it the birthday was the reason to make the effort, but beyond that yes, it was just a meet up to hang out. It wasn’t a party that anyone was hosting, and the KFC wasn’t the main focus as a planned birthday meal.

This!

There was no invite to me just the birthday girl arranging the get together for her birthday with her friends

this is a bunch of friends arranging a hang out. Fully expect them all to pay their own way.

They are 15. The parents aren’t hanging around to supervise and pay.

This doesn't sound like a birthday, just a standard weekend meet up. Very strange.

Hahahaha yep 😀

that's very articulate for a teen message :)

"exams robbed my bday fr. town tmrw? u all owe me ngl"

My kids were like that in primary school but now take public transport.

A friend of mine has a kid in a rural secondary school. He gets a bus to school and has to be dropped off and picked up all the time as there is no public transport. He still has a card for when he meets friends eg playing golf which she can easily top up if he needs more or decides to stay longer. I think a card is important so they have some independence or for emergencies.

All children in my DS school (talking about DS12 here because DS16 is in special school) go home directly with the bus after school (ends at 4 or 5 pm). He eats in school (prepaid) and has got his water bottle and cereal bars with him. If he wants to pass the shops on his way home he takes cash with him but he's usually too knackered.

He's never been to town just walking around. His friends come here (driven by parents) or we drive him to friends if he can't take the bus directly.

His age I took the train to go sleep at friends houses that my mum didn't even know. But this is really the norm where I live..

I would guess the parents were only in town as well because they decided to do some shopping or go for lunch after dropping the birthday girl off. If they’d had other plans that day, one of them would have dropped and gone, just like the other parents did with their girls.

Weird that you’d think her parents should pick up and drop off your child.

@TheBlueKoala

Understand re SEN for your 16 year old.

12 is probably a “transitional” age for some elements of arrangements. But 15 is past that age for every teen I know.

Since the start of secondary, I have wanted mine to have access to money such that if the train is cancelled after school and they need to take a bus or cab, or a friend suggests going to grab a burger after sports practice, they can. And it’s the same for their friends.

Most parents probably would pay for the food, you’re right but it depends. My teenage DD was invited to the cinema for her friend’s bday a couple of weeks ago, it was a pretty long film in the evening. I gave her money for snacks which she did need, the parents didn’t cover food. I would likely have covered it but not all do.

My daughter was invited to soft play for a friends birthday last week. Once I had responded with a yes I was provided with bank details to pay for her entry 😂😂😂😂

When mine were teens the invitee list was much reduced, maybe four including birthday child. They went out for a meal without adults and we picked up the cost. DC was told in advance what that included, for example two courses off the set lunchtime menu, one pop each and tap water on the table.

I do remember the guests all being very grateful and they didn’t abuse this. I wouldn’t dream of making them pay for themselves, even KFC, it’s no different from a meet up in town on Saturday otherwise.

Mine both had weekend/evening jobs at 16 so I didn’t fund any of their social lives after this. Including birthday parties, although we did host “gatherings” as they called them, at home and in the garden (17 year olds and WKD are not for the house).

If I was going shopping in town with a few friends for my birthday I don’t think anyone would expect that I paid the bill for lunch. This is the same for teenagers, they are moving more into that adult style party.

Set venue and catering then the host would pay, a meal out or day out with friends you wouldn’t expect the birthday person to pay. If you have super nice friends they sometimes pay for your meal