DD had to pay for food at friend’s birthday party

Pretty common for teens to arrange a day to go to city to hang out

No you didn't need to get a card or stuff like that. And yes all teens buy their own food. And mooch around the shops

It’s not really a party though it’s just hanging out with friends and using the birthday as a reason for getting together.
My sixth form child recently invited friends to go out for a meal for their birthday and we gave them money towards the bill in lieu of a party but this was not a general hang out like you describe, it was specifically a meal out to celebrate their birthday.

This. DS wanted to go for a kebab with some of his classmates after school, on his birthday. I told him to invite them in advance, making it clear it was on him (us). They already go out regularly after school, but not everyone comes because they don't have the money.

My teens organise their own birthday outings.

I think it’s a mix of parent pays for the activity for everyone, but everyone buys their own food, or parent covers both food and activity. That’s if it’s an expensive, pre-booked, organised activity like bowling or trampolining or whatever.

Just mooching round the city and looking in the shops I would assume everyone needed to cover their expenses.

My Dc always pay for their own transport though, and plan buses/trains etc. And they also buy their friends presents with their own money.
DC2 is 14 - they might ask for a loan or advance to pay for a friend’s birthday present (and I might just give them the money instead) but I certainly wouldn’t have any more involvement than that.

This year I paid for both lunch and bowling for everyone invited for eldest’s birthday, and because it’s the earliest birthday in the friendship group, that seems to have set a precedent for all the others.

But in DC2’s friendship group, it’s been that the activity is covered but they buy their own food.

Both are normal ways of doing things.

Tricky one. My DD turned 15 and wanted a shopping trip with her mates to hang out. We had already arranged a “party” so this was an additional request from her. I made it clear that covering train fees/lunch/shopping money for all was something I couldn’t afford in addition to her bday presents and actual party/sleepover, so I made sure that she communicated that those who could come were to cover their own costs, so they could make that decision with their parents with all the facts (including what level of adult supervision would be there and when).

On another occasion, she wanted to go out with her friends to Nando’s, no adults. We talked about this and their budget/how to get there etc and whether her friends would have the funds to accompany her and pay too. My DD gets pocket money (around £5-10 per week) and has an account where she separates it into spending pots and savings pots. It created a good opportunity for a conversation about money, her approach to it and how others may approach it differently, as well as managing expectations of affordability etc. We drove them there & back, but also communicated the facts so that other parents could decide whether they were happy for their children to go on those terms.

At 15, they’re growing in independence, so I see this as a vital skill learning opportunity rather than bankrolling them and expecting them to have suddenly acquired money managing skills when they leave school.

Most teens love being dumped with their friends while their parents bugger off somewhere else.

Edit: quotes the wrong post sorry.

Like just dump their child and let her friends entertain her for a few hours. A cheap do

Oh, I can imagine the faces of my teens if I didn’t “dump” them with their friends and instead tried hanging around too, at the age of 15!

Do you have teens? Most teens do not want their parents hanging around with them.
My kids are in private school and in my exp of teen birthdays, they are either planned activities (parental involvement and few and far between) or the majority are casual meet ups where the birthday is an excuse to meet up outside of school.

Where did the parents disappear off to for a few hours?.

Sounds as though this was all thought well beforehand to suit them. Like just dump their child and let her friends entertain her for a few hours. A cheap do

Yes l know they are not little children and l wouldn't cringe at the thought of fairy cakes.

But think was a poor show.

Surely your dd knew before hand about paying? In my experience this is all discussed and sorted ahead of time.

Yes, you're right. It was always planned.

It’s possible that the birthday girl and the DD each live a 20 min drive from school but a 40 min drive from each other.

In my experience, this is exactly how it's supposed to go on teens' birthdays. All my DC have done this.

Why are you moaning about driving them when you’ve chosen to live in the middle of nowhere?

They are 15. It’s not a party, it’s knocking about in town and doing what teens do.

I think it is stingy

I think the birthday was an excuse not the reason for a group of teens to get together and hang out.

Mentioning they are in private school
is a red herring. Unless they were in Pizza Express in Woking, teens getting together are teens getting together 😅

It becomes less of a party at a certain age and more of a "let's all have a day out together".

OP seems to live in a place where the nearest big town is 40 minutes away and there is no public transport, so surely her DD doing anything with friends involves a parent being taxi service. I'm actually wondering what happens if DD just wants to hang out with her friends in down for no particular reason other than it's Saturday. Maybe that's why DD made a point of it being for a birthday - she's used to her mum refusing to take her places if it's not for something special.

If it were my daughter’s birthday I’d pay for everyone’s lunch, but she recently went out with friends for an escape room, and lunch afterwards was paid by each of the kids. I was equally ok with that.

Nailed it 🤣🤣🤣

Yeah at 15 they will hurt be doing their own thing. From 12 if she's been meeting friends for a day out for her birthday I'll maybe ask if they are going for food and give her 50 quid towards the bill but it's not expected

I thought you were going to say a 6/7 year old had to pay for food at a actually birthday party not a 15 year old on a day out with her friends. At 15, the girls having a day out at the shops I would assume they would pay for themselves. Did your daughter maybe tell you she was at a birthday party so you would allow her to go?

Parties change as children get older. There wouldn't gave been party bags either.

We always gave £20 note to cover food. By that age, it's just mooching around and the adults are in the same area but not with the kids. Ours started going to London to do this with barely any parental supervision at all. For their 18th we DID give them enough money to pay for everyone but I don't think the guests were expecting it — it was just meeting up to celebrate the birthday.

When my ds's were 14, and 15 I paid for them to go to a theme park with a friend and gave my DC money to buy both of their lunches and ice cream and drinks. My DC got invited back to a multi sport day with lunch and drinks included and a bowling trip with lunch afterwards. At 16 they took a few friends to Wetherspoons for a meal and mocktails. I gave dc a card to pay on for them and friends.