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Original poster

Son won't move out!

185 replies

OneGreenPoster · 21/02/2026 20:20

My son broke up with his gf in December (I posted here about it) he moved in with us. He keeps saying he'll find somewhere soon
But he isn't even looking, he has a good job and savings so can easily afford it

How long is reasonable until we tell him he has to go?

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 21/02/2026 21:31

Im with you on this. I don’t want them moving back in. I am completely done with parenting and they know it. Life’s short and I want to do want works for me and DH. Enough now.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 21/02/2026 21:25

Berriesandcucumbers1 · 21/02/2026 21:16

Had to go find the old thread to find any context.
He's 30, the ex gf dumped him because he wouldn't commit after years of being together and then he's gone back home to you.
Quite honestly from what you've previously written he sounds like a man child and you seem like an enabler. I imagine you won't do anything to kick him up the back side and he'll happily coast along until he finds a new gf to mother him
You either need to give him a firm timeline and mean it, or accept he'll be living with you until the next gf with a house for him to move into comes along

Edited

Ah! So expecting women to sort out his life for him without him doing anything for them?

Op, tell him he has to move out before the end of march.

Original poster
OneGreenPoster · 21/02/2026 21:21

He doesn't pay any rent as it was supposed to be until early Jan.
He is sleeping on the sofa, we offered to get a bed sorted for the spare room, be he refused because it was only a couple of weeks.
I've asked him a few times since and he refuses because he doesn't want it to feel permanent.

If he isn't working he plays games all day.
He told his cousin that he was hoping his ex would get back in touch so I'm hoping he isn't waiting on that!

OP posts:
Berriesandcucumbers1 · 21/02/2026 21:16

Had to go find the old thread to find any context.
He's 30, the ex gf dumped him because he wouldn't commit after years of being together and then he's gone back home to you.
Quite honestly from what you've previously written he sounds like a man child and you seem like an enabler. I imagine you won't do anything to kick him up the back side and he'll happily coast along until he finds a new gf to mother him
You either need to give him a firm timeline and mean it, or accept he'll be living with you until the next gf with a house for him to move into comes along

Wingingit73 · 21/02/2026 21:05

When my eldest son moves home periodically i find the mess a nightmare but thats what his childhood home is for....coming back when necessary to reboot and start again. Home is a safety net

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 21/02/2026 21:01

Funny how different people have different standards. My mum would not welcome me back indefinitely. She would expect me to start looking asap as I’m a whole adult and she likes her own space.

I imagine I would also feel like that if I had an adult child move back in, I’m fine with being a safety net but I want to be able to walk around naked and not have someone else to think about.

I’d probably give him another few weeks then tell him he needs to start looking

Keepingthingsinteresting · 21/02/2026 21:01

I remember the original thread. The son was a spoilt boy so I suspect he is continuing that way and not contributing, picking up after himself, acting with consideration etc, hence why the @OneGreenPoster wants him to go.

HeadyLamarr · 21/02/2026 20:59

Have a chat with him.

Set a boundary that works for you - if that's 3 weeks for him to move out or 9 months for him to get back on his feet, you need to articulate what is OK for you. It's ace to have them home, but not indefinitely.

TheSmallAssassin · 21/02/2026 20:58

Oh good god, here we go, OP, please don't feel bad about wanting your house back to yourselves! But speak to him and ask him what he's doing to find somewhere else and remind him that he can't stay indefinitely. Could you manage 6 months? I think you need to decide a date and tell him

Whinge · 21/02/2026 20:58

youalright · 21/02/2026 20:56

I would start looking at places and showing them to him. Hes a grown man he needs his own space. Adult children living with parents doesn't work. I get on with my parents but I wouldn't want to live with them for more then a few weeks as an adult.

Edited

It might not work for you, but it works for plenty of other people.

OP, it's only been a few months since the break up. Unless there are issues, kicking him out this quickly seems rather heartless.

youalright · 21/02/2026 20:56

I would start looking at places and showing them to him. Hes a grown man he needs his own space. Adult children living with parents doesn't work. I get on with my parents but I wouldn't want to live with them for more then a few weeks as an adult.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 21/02/2026 20:55

bringbacksideburns · 21/02/2026 20:49

Do you not get on?! Or have you no room?

It’s only February. Give him some time for gods sake!

This. Why do you want him out? Is your dh the stepdad?

Thedogscollar · 21/02/2026 20:55

jackspratswife01 · 21/02/2026 20:51

Charge him rent incrementally increasing to make it uncomfortable for him to stay too long

Jesus why would you even think like this. This is an example of a very uncaring parent.

Raspberrymoon49 · 21/02/2026 20:53

You sound heartless, poor guy

wanderingstarz · 21/02/2026 20:53

Why do you want to kick him out?

Lovelynames123 · 21/02/2026 20:53

I stayed with my dps for a year following a break up in my late 20s. I'd rented my house out to move in with ex and offered to give my tenants notice but my dad didn't want me living there alone (not the best area)

I can't imagine they'd have pushed me out, I feel sorry for your son!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/02/2026 20:52

I love having my adult ds around. He could come back anytime. What’s the problem?

thistimelastweek · 21/02/2026 20:52

Skippydoodle · 21/02/2026 20:46

For me personally (won’t sit well with many) I love my son, and I actually like him too! So long as he is pitching in with chores and finances, he can come back any time forever.

Mine didn't even do much of the pitching in.
But he wasn't a drain and so darn lovely we didn't care.

Brewtiful · 21/02/2026 20:52

jackspratswife01 · 21/02/2026 20:51

Charge him rent incrementally increasing to make it uncomfortable for him to stay too long

Bloody hell. With parents like this who needs enemies. No wonder people go no contact if this is how their parents treat them.

jackspratswife01 · 21/02/2026 20:51

Charge him rent incrementally increasing to make it uncomfortable for him to stay too long

cherrymauve · 21/02/2026 20:51

Why does he have to go? Some loving support would be a kinder option for sure.

Mossstitch · 21/02/2026 20:49

Skippydoodle · 21/02/2026 20:46

For me personally (won’t sit well with many) I love my son, and I actually like him too! So long as he is pitching in with chores and finances, he can come back any time forever.

Totally agree, got two 30+ Yr olds with me at the moment who are welcome to stay as long as they want 🤷

bringbacksideburns · 21/02/2026 20:49

Do you not get on?! Or have you no room?

It’s only February. Give him some time for gods sake!

Skippydoodle · 21/02/2026 20:46

For me personally (won’t sit well with many) I love my son, and I actually like him too! So long as he is pitching in with chores and finances, he can come back any time forever.

Pollqueen · 21/02/2026 20:40

Oh bless him. You're son had a break up and came home and you're wanting to kick him out 2 months later, why?