Son won't move out!

Yep. My house will always be their home providing that they contribute.

OP say that he plays games when he isn’t working which suggests he is working

I wouldn’t have a deadline for moving out but he would not be allowed to sleep on the sofa and he would be paying rent form the end of the month ( cover additional costs , or save , your choice )

A 30yo man child who doesn’t work and games all day? What a catch.

He doesn’t get to insist on sleeping on your sofa like a tramp. Turn off the WiFi and tell him to leave.

You said on the thread re the break up that he couldn't stay with you. If that's the case then ask him to start looking for private rented accommodation or a shared room. Surely if your husband is as blunt as you say he was on your other threads he can have the conversation and put a timescale to leave on

I’d give him 4 weeks at that point he either moves in the spare room and starts paying rent or he moves out

You need to schedule a time to talk, not bring it up over dinner.
Tell him you were happy for him to crash on the sofa for a couple of weeks but it has now been a couple of months and you need your living room back. He needs to sort a bed for the spare room (him not you - he can take it with him) and start contributing to the bills - have an amount in mind and stick to it.
He will either move to the spare room or leave

That is your opinion, I have 2 still at home both adults and it works for us all .

Some of us would love to have adult children at home. DS lives over 200 miles away so we don’t see him that often.

Both of them. It’s the parents job to teach the child how to live like an adult. But for some reason parents of boys seem incapable of teaching their sons how to cook, clean and take responsibility for their share of the household tasks. Then wonder why no one wants to live with them

Sorry *bed

Is there more to it? My adult DC are welcome to stay here as long as they want.

He needs a bead anyway when he moves out so jet him but one. Oh let me guess, he wants to wait on that till he has his own place to buy a queen.

Homebuying a bed or mattress is a small price to pay in exchange for a free place to live, at least for a little while.

He needs to be sleeping in the bedroom asap of straight away. Any gaming happens in there. He can’t just dominate your living space.

See putting a bed in there as something to allow other guests to stay in future too, not making your DS a permanent fixture.

And make sure he starts looking for a place of his own!

Your dumbass son ended up on your sofa because he was harassing the ex he treated poorly and she finally made him leave. It's time to come down hard on what has turned into a shitshow.

He doesn't dictate shit in your home. He gets the spare room until x date and he gets his ass off your sofa and he games elsewhere. He pays you rent for that space.

If he doesn't like it, he can take a hike.

Id usually blame both equally but if you look at previous threads, op sounds like an enabler, she was thinking about messaging the ex gf to make her 'see sense' the husband seemed far more willing to give the some tough love

Is that refering to the OP or OP and her h?

Time for him to get his sorry ass in gear. GF is much better off without him, he'd better not be holding his breath for her to get in touch. He's delusional if he thinks she wants him back.

I remember your previous threads. Give him a date to be out by. Better yet, let his dad tell him.

He can stay for now. He pays rent, helps around the house and has no choice in having a bed in the spare room. It's your house. You don't need anyone sleeping on the sofa and that's your private space. If he doesn't like it he can move out. His ex won't take him back so him waiting for that is pointless.

I’d use this as a teaching opportunity to make him in to a decent human that someone actually wants to live and make a life with. You seem to have failed to do this so far.

Team h.

He pays rent and has a proper bed or he is given a date to move out by.
No way would I tolerate sofa surfing for weeks on end from anyone let alone a adult child.

I remember the previous thread(s). You said then that DH could be blunt and more forthright so get him to tell DS to "get his arse in gear" and start looking for somewhere else. Your DS is stringing you along like he did his ex-GF. His ex isn't going to get in touch because she blocked him and threw him out earlier before Christmas for hassling her.

He "refused"?

This is what I would do. "Insist" he has a bed in the spare room.

All games to be done in his room.

I wouldn't want someone dossing down in my living room.

I had an ex almost identical sounding to your son. Refused to commit, I offered to let him stay in my house while he sorted a rental house or purchased one, he sat around for weeks ignoring the situation, I got fed up of waiting for him to get off his arse and sort out his living situation and told him to move back in with his mother if he couldn't sort himself out despite having a job and savings. He moved back in with his mother within the month he was asking to come back... Nope. He then stayed at his mother's house for months until she got fed up of him not sorting himself out either and ended up booking appointments for him to look at rentals and basically pushed him out. He found another woman to move in with who had her own house and he moved in with her pretty sharp. Some men will act like teenagers expecting a woman to molly coddle them until the end of time. I have no doubt he would still be living with his mother years later if she hadn't pushed him to rent or met another woman.
Unless you're happy with him sitting around the house playing video games until he gives up on the ex gf and finds a new one to accommodate him, you need to kick him up the arse

One of mine came home after a break up and we lived amicably for many months. However, we eventually had a chat and decided a dead-line would work well for her. A target date
was agreed upon.

This suited the way her mind works.

She started looking very quickly and we helped her with the deposit. I needed my life and home back and she needed to experience the real grown up world.

Keep the lines of communication open. Start this weekend. Draw up a plan. Think of a date; Easter? A birthday? A date to hook onto.